I have no idea what is coming!

"Right where you are... that's where I AM."

Where is the alignment of a circle? Of a sphere?
enter enter...
into the center center...
enter the center...
...
your magic lies in the spark, deep within...
that crystalline star that shines like a million suns...

give yourself to it..
become swallowed up in the light

All the things are there...
they are waiting for you...

______________________________________________
____________________________________________________
__________________________________________
_____________________________________
_______________________________
____________
__________________
_________________________

what is it? day 8?
is that all? lol... feel like I've been here for months!

all the exciting things are making themselves known
and I get to choose them ALL...
because I get to have ALL the things!
...
just making room...making room...
things are still settling from the huge surge last week...
and now we start week 2... and things are approaching faster than I can purge!
YAY!
I get to have all the things!

- __ - __ - __ - __ - __ - __

 

As a member...(a double-dosed member) of the Water Tribe...
action steps seem so massively strange and foreign to me...
could someone please help me with this?
because I have no idea what to do, how to do it, or even why...

and as a member of the 99 percentile of the introverted test...
could someone please offer to help me?
because even asking is like reaching outward...which is also alien...
and if you know me... aliens & me, do not mix well....
like I think they are cool and all... ufo's and shit...
but also not cool at all...
especially large silent black triangles that can make 90 degree turns...

so what do I need help with?
...
-- editing a novel... (multiple novels...same story, 5+ books)
-- editing a script (multiple scripts)
-- publisher stuff...everything... I know nothing.
-- accountability...lol...but not like that... (force = rebellion)
-- what to do with things after the fact... like art...
    I can make it... but then what? Don't tell me what google says to do...
-- paying down debt... all methods have failed beside pure trust and hope thus far..
(frankly trust and hope has paid the bills...but slow is BORING!)
(and NO, I won't get a job. That has only ever made things worse.)
-- why. why anything... I'm only in it for myself... but why? is this selfish?
   even though others get to ride the wave of all the rewards...

______________
_________
_______
__
-


sooooo....

dbz is done... need to spray coat it...
still have 5 more commissions to paint...
Timothy needs to go on my wall... and can't until the stairwell is painted..
so I might do that sooner than intended...
I'm sure $40 will come to me so I can buy paint...
there might be other stuff... but meh...

I might write more later...but now I'm losing interest and getting pulled elsewhere..
YAY for  ADD!
we can ADD shit all day !
just think of how many things we can get half done!
:)

drink your pink wine tango disks of luxury orangutan fingers...and curl up on the
cot of durable silt colored pie crusts...to bake in the sun of deluxe ecstasy and pride..
may all your drunken dreams feed those who relish in the delight of baked goods.

Truth...and I hate laying it out for you...

Just one day
...just 1 day of neglecting yourself
that's all it takes to throw you out of alignment...
and into some lane that does NOT take you where you want to go!
Today is day 7...
and yesterday's neglect muddled up all the good things and obscured them
like taking the wrong exit off the freeway...
...
but thankfully, rerouting and realigning IS a real thing
and that shit got corrected within hours of waking

back on the freeway... the FREE way
and like I've told all the world before...
I'm NOT going THAT way!

I'm right fucking HERE.
and the fires of Hades pool around my feet...I shall NOT go anywhere...
All things will come to me.
I stand.

"Stand up, take hold, and follow me."
words spoken by the truth of truths...
words that have nothing to do with grasping or grabbing..
words that have nothing to do with taking up the tail end of the wagon train
nothing to do with playing, follow the leader....

stand up, take hold...to the place that you are...
and follow... the example of the one who's been through this already...
Be the King or Queen of THIS place.
stop sowing your royal oats in the far off lands...
you already own this place. right here, right now....all of it...
stop moving around...
get still
get quiet
and anchor to your throne
let the people/goods/riches/etc.. come to you.

if you keep roving all over the place.... the universe isn't sure where to ship your shit...
_________
_________

in simpler terms...
I didn't get to meditate and all of me went to hell
mind numbed out and even if outside things got done, inside things were not in charge...
fucking autopilot never knows where I want to go...
autopilot only goes to the set programmed place...
but I'm not going that way....

so autopilot me has old thoughts and old actions...
and unless I'm present, those things try to drive the ship....
and this irks....no...this enrages me....but with less anger and more empowerment
funny how I can't even trust myself...
and I caught that little shithead before she went and took 2 steps...instead of just the 1
....
so today I was repairing the severed neurons and reintroduced the way we are going....
how long does it take? 28 days to form new patterns, new programs, new thoughts?
meh...this isn't my first rodeo... I bet its 28 consecutive days without relapse....
I can do that... but I am so not going to restart the counter...
 you know.... I'm going to take master guru's advice and just decide to
disregard all that thinking stuff...and just stay on track continuously and automatically
even I think too much and let that shit get in my way sometimes...
but I'm getting really quick at catching those patterns too...
like within 2 sentences, LOL!

anyway...
want an update?
...
...
...
...
- haven't heard from insurance guy...
- new household guest that's made use of the downstairs room
- another dragonball z painting is almost complete... 
- got super visions the other day... and I see more of the pieces... more of the things
   that feel so fulfilling and ooh la la awesome... and I'm excited to have made room for them
- master guru knows way more than me...and I admire that they live in the now so effortlessly
- successfully stunted the motion of a bullshit pattern!
- in limbo regarding writing... have a screenplay I could work on... I could edit another one... I could 
  do a re-edit session of novel series..., I could start book 6... but idk yet... and that'sperfectly ok :)
  ... but there are portals up ahead...and I'm sure I said something about September being the month...
  I guess I could do a quick re-edit of book 1... (god knows it needs it!)
- the base is about to drop... the next few days is the calm before the storm... 
  I fucking love storms! I am excited to no end! Time to reap the rewards is up and coming! 
- in the meantime, I've got to make more room... and having the garage go from clean to disaster 
  with the additives of a Sebastian's (the mouse!) condo cage, curio cabinet in remodel mode, 
  table needing repaired, and aquarium that needs resealed....has not aided in keeping things clear 
  and flowing in the physical feng shui sense!

see what I did there....
made it easier to skip the blah stuff...
_________


__________________________________
___________________________________
____________________________________

seriously though...
I'm making sure there's no more neglectful tendencies gonna fuck with my day..
and off to meditate.....*ohm....without the ohm...
later peeps

Semi-automatic thoughts... (day 5)

This message was brought to you today, by Day 5
and this is a new day of learning
...and the beginning of a higher level of contrast...

like the energy is touching the portal's fibers...
and it bulges...
but the surface tension has yet to break open

many many little things...like micro millions of teensy tiny events...
teeny tiny... smaller than baby steps...
and the floor feels like it's going to give out...
and the roof feels like it's going to explode open...
and the walls feel like they are going to burst outward...
...sometimes making room requires removing the walls...
and ceilings... and floors... and all those teeny tiny little standards..
those limitations... those micro irritants... those mini rules...
making room... requires you to grow past yourself...
beyond yourself...

sometimes your thoughts are too small
sometimes even your desires are too small
sometimes.... receiving something 'amazing'....
requires you to let go of everything that is 'okay' or 'meh' or 'fine'
or 'decent' or 'normal' or 'comfortable' or 'regular' or 'pretty good'
and you have no idea the wretches you've bound yourself to....
this mediocre life surrounded by the mediocre....
I dare you to surrender your 'okay' parts.... your 'decent' parts...
I dare you to surrender them to the universe...
You are worth more than that.
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

A huge reflection of truth hit me today...
and it's both cumbersome and marvelous
both paradigms.... and all this energy affects those around it...
I've invited it in....
and what amazing things it has for us all
...
and there's that moment when you feel the strength of another...
    and know the universe moves through them...
    and know... that even as they let go of your hand...
    it's the universe...and their own power they take hold of...
    and maybe I felt that slight change...
    that shift...in energy flow.... subtle... but I saw it... I felt it...
    and although my part to play becomes less.... I see, and I trust...
and I can't help but cheer it on, cheer them on...

And I felt a tinge of sadness for a moment...whilst visiting the mountain
at the place where the fairy's lived...that spot that held a small cradle of magic within it.
that spot...that now had carelessly cut trees and a scarred glade....
but I know they couldn't have known...
they would never had known what was there...
because everyone is numb...
they've killed their selves...
and the sawed trees, and the smothered magic, were only a reflection of their pain
who can save them... unless they save their self...

______________________________
______________________________


so while I will step into the darkness....
and watch from the shadows...
this is sure to be a thrilling and beneficial time
many things are shifting...
like a transformer...
and I see the players moving where the energy directs them...
and I... the one who knows it's name...
rest in the comforts of this cradled seat...unaffected by the sunshine...
but ever so enjoying the effects of it's work
but fear not... it will find me too...
I already know the part I must play...
and I'm well aware of the rewards it brings
behold...
I've summoned the light... and it will shine
___________________
___________________

actions...
a far fetched word with a list of definitions I hardly recognize...
related to the word... work...
and neither of them have found their place yet
I was supposed to outline something today, I did not
So maybe tomorrow will allow it...
A call from the insurance guy with acceptable news would be welcomed
A call to the realtor guy is also possible
perhaps a small hole in the portal...would be incredibly interesting...
Maybe a few other things...
all this action stuff, all that comes as second rate
because most of the true action occurs when I'm not 'doing' anything...
anything you can actually see anyway...

I love how I wrote all that and it's so obscured...
but why would I write simply...
I use far too many curse words doing it that way...

I read some posts from last July...and damn... I don't remember writing that.
I'm actually able to actually write incredible stuff
and I know why it's not always incredible...
and I know why I flip flop...
and I know how to remedy all of it too...
and I know Ego or Mind or someone...(not Soul)
is going to throw a fit about it....
if I remember... I'm sure that remedy will be given every time I come to this blog
























oh...and be forewarned...
I'm cutting everyone off here soon...
don't take it personally...
I work for the Universe now...
and apparently there's undercover work to be done???!!!
How exciting!!!
..
is it bad that I know why, lol
but I don't think I'm supposed to know why...
but that's why they hired me...
because I know before I'm supposed to know...
...
the council always got irritated about it...
but Universe is rather kinda chill...
interesting...

Make room....we have guests arriving

I'm not sure I can come back to write every day.
it's not always that new perceptions and insights enter my view
and sometimes there's not always words to describe all which shows up
like today... this being Day 4

Something lingered, just behind the veil...
I can't yet see it for what it may be...
and in energy, I only feel the immense largeness of it...
it's standing there...waiting to enter this space that I am...
and I know I need to make more room
but...
where can I expand outward?
what can I clear out?
how does one make the space that they are, bigger? broader?

perhaps my knack for manifesting great things has indeed birthed my desires...
but when the veils lifts and it moves to meet me....
where shall it rest it's head?
...
...
I know where to learn these answers...
and the questions didn't even come to me until I wrote that out...
so I suppose, once again, I am in perfect alignment..
the first step leading me directly to the second...and then the third...

and even though I'm consistently reminded about my alignment with
multiple synchronicities and such...
I only know, when I feel the truth of it...

years of not looking for outward signs...and learning to read the inward ones...
was the only way I've grown to acknowledge these massive shifts and evolutions
the outward are reflections...holograms..
but the real truth is all on the inside.
Wrapped up in the heavens of your soul...

____________________________________
_________________________________________

nothing happening...
have a few tasks this week...
and actually prepped a canvas today...
there are certain intentions I would like to have completed this week too...
and if not, that's fine too
I'm pretty sure I have nothing of earthly value to give you today...
and talking about daily blah crap...is...well...blah...

laters



....
lol...
I just remembered something...
yesterday (or was it the day before?) I repotted and split up my african violets...
giving them all room to spread there roots and leaves...
giving them room to breathe and expand...
providing room...even if some of them stayed in tupperware bowls...
would it be so different then, for us to make room for more of our selves?
for more of our desires?
for more of our growth and expansion?
....
there's always room for more of you...
boundless spirit...
grow rampant and wild...and devour the earth...
like the sunshine...


(and making room downstairs is all that energy reflecting itself!)

(I can't make this shit up)
(and I had nothing to do with it!)


...........................................
Mind is excited to meet what's waiting!!
Soul tells her to chill out...
but Mind knows it's grand and amazing and something huge!
Soul, like the welcoming host... breathes calmly and patiently...
...
I don't think it's going to take 9 months...
it's at the door, yo...

Keep both hands open... (day 3)

There's a thing to be said for the word 'unconditional'.

It's one of those words that elicits that you have conditions on things...
and that having those conditions, even if they are unseen...
means you'd need to surrender something...
perhaps your wants, your needs, your expectations...to name a few...

This is Day 3...
and while I'm enjoying this uplifting and strangely new paradigm...
it isn't without it's own lessons.
Like conditions.
So it is apparent that when you are making room for abundance...
that all that open space gets filled...
sometimes with things that didn't quite meet your expectations...
or your needs...
or your wants...
sometimes it's filled with things from left field.

I guess you can't dictate which water molecules flow through your fucking bucket...
especially when it sits at the bottom of the sea...
or if a lobster crawls inside it...

But this is a lesson in unconditional...
because love is unconditional...
even if you can't quite understand why it is that it must give you 'this' or 'that' type of abundance...
doesn't mean it isn't serving you the best it can.
The universe is on your side...
even if you have to facepalm and take a deep breath.

because now we have a gecko
....and already having too many pets...including a mouse that needs rehomed...
the universal abundance must like to play these games...
to test me to see if I'm ready for the really good stuff it is shipping my way...
so if we end up with another teenager too...
and if all the things, all the things... are anything but, what you dictate...
I'm going to stay true... I'm not afraid of the possibilities

So yeah... give me all the fucking things.
ALL the THINGS!
Alyssia the gecko is just the precurser to all the awesome things...
cause the pendulum... and the pendulum HAS to swing the other way eventually.
so I will take the opposite pole, just so I can get the other one too.
I'm stubborn that way...
and probably more fearless than what's good for me...

"Everything is taken care of."

_________________

which also goes to show that holding a space for peace...also creates peaceful flow...
because it's possible that other things will completely work out effortlessly...in our favor
_________________

and there's times when ideas pop up and Mind tries to smooth them out...
but Soul knows that if you have to smooth it out...it's not long before they are crumpled again
ideas from the past...
and god, I wish they would stop being picked up by Mind.
Please stop... I'm not going that way...
and while I restate that firmly... Mind hasn't quite grasped it yet.

There's also times Mind picks up things I 'should' do...
and although Mind has nothing but good intentions...
I'm not going that way...

and the fact that 'I'm not going that way' feels good.... is the reason I'm not going that way.


I know Mind is bored
I know Mind is supremely bored... as she used to run the show before...
but now Soul does... and Soul knows no rush, or demands, and especially not any of the 'shoulds'
"Everything is taken care of." She will consistantly tell Mind...
And Mind relaxes and darts off to feel the sunshine...

I admire Soul's patience and regard for Mind's wellbeing...
Never a competition,
only love... without conditions



__________________
__________________
 "If you want to travel the Way of Buddhas and Zen masters, then expect nothing, seek nothing, and grasp nothing."
~ Dōgen Zenji 1200 - 1253

Making friends with the wild life (day 2)

Had a walk today.
Alone, but not really.
There were plenty of squirrels who weren't paying attention...
and would only jump in surprise when I had practically already passed them.
Yes, I did see one stroking a leaf on a plant... and I'm not sure what exactly was happening..
but he won't read this, so I suppose it's ok to share.
Saw a bunch of bugs and saved a worm from drying out
Found 1 wing of a butterfly.
saw a large fish swimming in the creek, like right at the top.
saw 2 blue herons flying after each other.
saw a large deer... he saw me too and just stood there wagging his tail.
I did stop for him, but some guy walking from the other direction didn't..
so deer stepped like 15 ft into the trees and waited for us to pass...

I'm in the Day-2 zone... and it has neither faded or been forgotten.
I spent the time thinking what exactly I will do with this new version of me.
What will I do, and why will I do those things...
but...
as I walked and saw all that already was, all that already is...
there wouldn't be anything I would add.
nothing I would subtract.
in the very moment of now... there is nothing that needs changed.
it's perfect

and I'm in it

having $100k in the bank....and still I would not need anything more
at this time, I choose to be as it all is...
and be all here...all now...in all ways...

"Everything is taken care of."
A simple sentence that has been playing on repeat in my mind...
a sentence, that alone, silences the urge to reach out and fiddle with things.
mess with the already given perfection...
entangle the already brushed hair.
.....

and I can feel certain parts of my ego...
it wants to be sad, it wants to be disgruntled...that it can't 'get' or 'do' something
 ~~ but it's not sad, or angry, or anything...
and it stands there confused as to why it's okay with that...
I feel how it looks at Soul...
Ego loves Soul, trusts Soul, and melts into this puddle of unresistance
willingly

Mind still throws out ideas...
pulls out past things and shoves them in my face..
'Remember this? I thought you wanted this? Don't you need this too?'
but Soul smiles and presses those things aside...
Mind watches them fall away and rummages through another box...
'How about this!' Mind holds out something lovely from the storage room...
...and Mind smiles, thinking how there would be no way whatsoever this thing would be discarded...
Soul nods with a smile, and caresses the pretty thing Mind dug out...
"I still like this." Soul says. "But I don't need it right now."
Mind stands dumbfounded and places it back into storage...
Mind races to catch up with Soul... like a child who lingered too far back on the trail...
Soul consoles Mind... assuring them that there will be a need for their services again...
Mind smiles and starts finding random things on the trail that look cool.... like all the dead cicadas.
Back in the now...

I admire Soul's mothering skills... all that peace
and Mind, their passion for their job
and Ego, that desire and drive for the greatest that exists
and these three walk with me....

no one asks anymore, where we are going...
not even why
and 'how' has been utterly erased from the vocabulary
who and what are rarely used as it is...
when.... rides alongside where... and what good are questions...
especially if Soul is driving...
It's a surprise, you'll see when you get there...
...
this makes me laugh...
when we get there...is when we are here...
and here...
and here...
always here... and always now...
there's nowhere to get to...
we are here now
and now is perfect

________________________________________
___________________________________________


I replanted and split some of my plants today...
and I'm aware of the fact we don't currently have enough pots for them.
and I'm equally aware of the reasons my tupperware grows less and less..
So if anyone wants some African Violets... ask... I've got plenty..
and this might have been the only time I didn't take cuttings and propagate any
I'm out of pots, yo... and I can't relinquish any more tupperware bowls!!



I just spent the last hour (maybe 2...) trapped in the youtube loop..
what did I watch, you ask?
1 Rich Dad video
4 or 5 Abraham Hicks vids (which really aren't vids, just talking....)
Millionaire reacts vids....like 3 of them
and Hairstylist reacts to America's next top model makeovers... way more than 3
*insert huge faceplant

so now I want to be a millionaire and have a makeover...

of course, I'm still swallowed up by the water...
the bucket in the water that is completely full...
and when I sit to just feel that...
there's nothing but a current flowing through me...
unending and always full
and this is day 2
just day 2...

there's a cat lying in my lap...
and there are crickets and frogs outside the window chirping their sounds...
and as 1:35 approaches...
even being a millionaire won't change my path
I'm going to sleep! (although I will have a more comfortable bed)
and the makeover won't change who I am...
(but I might not have so much hair in my way)
I'd still have this cat, whom sometimes is a thot...
and the creatures outside would still be there...

still be here...
still
be
HERE


welcome to now
(and if it isn't another lesson from the wolfriders... 'The Now of wolf thought'...)
 and like a walk in the forest... all the animals have everything we can't always see
presence
and with that, peace

Eternity in an hour... (day-1)

The Law of Polarity:
~~         "Everything is dual; everything has poles; everything
      has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same;
      opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree;
      extremes meet; all truths are but half-truths; all paradoxes
      may be reconciled."--The Kybalion.       ~~
(for your reference: http://www.sacred-texts.com/eso/kyb/kyb12.htm)

the pendulum swings...
and it can only swing as far to the left as to the right...
so while you aim to get the pendulum to swing 50 degrees to the right...
but it can only go as far as what you allow it to swing to the left...
THAT is the place in which your blockage lies...
that place to where you limit one side or the other...
which in turn limits them both...

If the right side is the perception of good... (the abundance, the love, the joy, the peace, etc)
and the left side is the perception of bad... (the guilt, the judgement, the fear, the pain, etc)

what happens when you limit how much judgement you allow upon yourself?
the equivalent will also be limited on the opposite pole.
limit your fear and you're also going to limit something good...

they say that it's all opposite, like love and hate..
like good and evil, like poverty and wealth...
if the universe were 2 dimensional....this would certainly be the case...
the pendulum would only swing left and right in the same exact motion every time...

oh, but dear one... the universe is not 2 dimensional, now is it?
a swing this way sometimes swings awkwardly in the other direction...
sometimes the pendulum twirls... because the string is twisted...
sometimes it rotates and you feel all chaotic...

but it only moves in equivalence to the distance from the center...
so if you want wealth... it's not enough to accept being in poverty...
if you want love or peace, it's not enough to accept hate and chaos...
the higher degree you want in anything....
the higher degree you need to accept from anything else...

so I dare you...
to accept all the pain.
all the fear
all the guilt, or regret, or judgement, or blame, or whatever you can think of
go to town on that shit and display it for all to see....
look at all the beautiful glorious chaos that is you...
own it... you are it's god...

and may the fruits of the heavens be served to you on the golden platter...
because finally, it could find you...

and the pendulum that's allowed to swing out 90 degrees....
will swing out 90 degrees in the opposite direction....
reap the rewards...even though they are not rewards...
they are your inheritance...
and you already own that shit too...
you just gotta let it come to you.
allow it
accept it
all of it...

I want all of it.
Every fucking piece of all that is.

__________________________________________
______________________________________________
funny thing.... I wrote all that, but I know you want to read more personal stories...
as if I didn't just spend my quarter-hour explaining that away in actual words...
which in turn belittles the grandness of it all...
words are so small...

been listening to Abraham Hicks lately...
and I used to not be able to listen to any of that before...
but I think I've seen 95% of whatever they have on youtube by now...
anyway.... yeah... I was again realigned... (with the vortex, lol! (I hate labels!))
and I'm judging myself about the way I write...
and I don't fucking care...
because the pendulum....
and I found something...
because now that I'm on the opposite pole...
and my attention and energy are completely aligned to where I am now at...
I can see the other side as if it were in ruins...
fuck that shit.. I've got miracles over here.
I've got miracles everywhere

I thought about rambling to give you more content...
but I'm judging myself for that too...
because you may or may not understand.
and who reads this anyway?
...ok....who reads it all the way through, is the real question...?
unless I'm spilling drama or secrets, or something completely useless...
there is no way this appeals to anyone...
but I am judging this... and myself... and you...
and I'm sorry for that. ..but not really...
I'll think better thoughts then....ok.... nicer thoughts...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or not

;)


fuck that...
I will not.
I'll do as I please

I painted stuff today... didn't enjoy one bit of it
the paints did not like the material at all...
and just blah! I wanted them done though...
and so they got done...
apparently I am disciplined and responsible..
still have more to do...
other art projects...

have not started on stairway yet...
later maybe... like in a week or so...
or whenever I really feel like it

oh, I'm starting a count...
and today would be the official DAY-1
day 1 of being in this shift...
and I want to see how it plays out...
and truthfully, how long it takes to mirror into reality.

the speed of light is 670,616,629 mph
matter condenses at the rate of however much energy you give to it
so if you give focused attention to a selected lifestyle/thing/goal/whatevs...
and energy waves must travel from electromagnetic frequencies to physical particles...
to actually see the physical outcome of a certain thought/emotion/vortex position...
it would take approximately sometime between....
 3 days to 9 months...give or take.
this gives estimated room for dimensional equivalents and aspect ratios of degrees
(in other words... a 3 point turn, or a 12 point turn)
(3 days to rise again, or 9 months to give birth...for you earthly thinkers) 
or anywhere in between... these are just numbers... and numbers do not rule the universe.



I'm just fucking with you.
I have no idea what I was saying, but I did look up the correct speed of light 
but really though...I'm often right even when I'm bullshitting.
it's fun how the universe works to agree with me.

So anyway... DAY-1  !!!!!!
 and I can't guarantee I will remember I'm even doing this count O_O


I'm not sure I can relate to groups anymore... :(
I feel like I'm in a whole different universe than them
while sometimes people are in sync....most other times they are not.
I love and hate people, but I do not want to help them...
however if they were right in front of me, I would.
I want to share perceptions and ideas, but I do not want to adopt any.
however, if I like them, I would.
I want to be open and honest and real and authentic, but not in that way...
however I'm tired of getting feedback on something....
that really isn't at all what I was talking about... 
take it or leave it, I do not care.... but don't explain something to me that I wrote myself...
I understand it my way and I like it that way. Even if it's perceived wrong...
(I know that! I still will substitute my reality for yours every fucking day. I'm stubborn like that)
You can take it and change it and whatever, but don't tell me what my words are 'supposed' to mean.
My eyes glaze over and my hands slips into a gauntlet with 5 infinity stones on it...
I am unavailable for solicitations, thank you.

ok...fur reals...
I'm gonna go do a card reading (for fun!)
and go to sleeeeeeeep

bless you if you bothered reading this mess of a blog post
 
 


 

Lu ke teh sahn... and this is why...

Took a walk today with my very good friend.
He reminded me that I was always fully supported.
Then he succumbed to obliging to give me a piggyback ride,
even after I teased him about supporting my unfocused stride.

Just then, the memory of the bucket reappeared.
The bucket with the holes.
The bucket and how it was thrown into the water...
and made completely full, always, all the time, in all ways...

He caught sight of it too as he glanced at the lake we walked beside.
...and this might have been a time when sharing thought vibrations
have worked against me...

"Don't make me throw you in the water."
He would tease back.
because my own thoughts had gotten twisted up in some
idea that didn't match the feeling I was searching for.
And he knew that, I knew that, and sometimes the mind goes off
on some tangent that is neither beneficial nor productive to the desire.

I already learned the lesson before...
and now I was reminded of it.

He trudged into the water.
and me... held prisoner on his back..
didn't have the heart to choke him enough to deter his path...

The water was cold.
But the vessel, the soul, the I... was filled. Fully.
Full-filled....

and even soaking wet and harboring a slight shiver....
all the truths of all the things floated into view...

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and I feel like the muck on the windshield has been cleansed.
I feel the scepter of power and the chalice of the gods in my hands.
and I feel the throne appear behind me waiting for me to take a seat
this is my fucking kingdom.
my fucking queendom.
be gone, filth
for you know not what sympathy I may or may not possess..
but I shall not hold it for you

there's weariness lingering at these late hours...
and eyes want to close their doorways for the night...
but the fire burns and the flames rise high...
and tomorrow....let the earth burn

for I have risen

no separation

You're never far away from that which you are seeking

Seven degrees.
Or so they say...
I guess that depends if you are able to do a 3-point turn, or a 5
or those lovely people who take at least 12 or more...

7 degrees of separation...
perhaps only 1...
because how can you tell how many steps it takes...
unless you know where you are...
and do you really know where you are?
can you ever?
Sure. it may look like your multiple steps away...
but sometimes, when things line up...it only takes one well placed foot.
Sometimes stars look far away too...
but if you wanted to meet a star... never forget the one that shines for you daily
it's all perspective...
and perspective is relative to position...
....
but do you know where you are?
what are you basing your position on?
and these things always move..
the universe is always in motion..
and so are you...
so is energy...
your energy, other's energy... all of it moves...

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what are you focusing on?
what do you want?
do you think those things are far away?
if so....change your perspective...
until what you seek and where you are, meet.

when mercury goes retrograde...
does it really? - No, it does not ever cease or reverse it's course... not even once.
when the sun swallows Jupiter... does it really?
No... it does not ever eat the Jovial god of Lightning and Thunder...
it's only your perspective that makes it appear so...
and your perspective...and beliefs about such, and thoughts about such, and feelings about such dictate everything that comes into or leaves your life...
fear mercury retrograde if you want... believe it affects you and it will...
see it as it is (and write blog posts about it)...and it will be just as it is...

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Time shifts and dimension jumping...
my bags are packed...
and I'm leaving you.
changing perspectives...
in and out of body... because both have that ability
and even if it sometimes takes over 7 hours...to change the body's perspective
not even 1 degree separates me from myself...or my desires...or anything which
comes into my awareness...
that goes for all of us...

who and what are you sitting with?
you're riding in the same car as them...
be aware of what travels with you...
I've packed security and support, along with bags of inspiration...
My suitcase is full of patience and allowing and high vibe tokens
There's assurance, and peace, and love, and magic...

What are you traveling with?
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I realize that a recent post on facebook reflects this same sentiment...
(it's in a group, yo. I don't share hardly anything on my profile wall)
and a friend commented that how not having a bigger picture plan or major life goal...in turn opens up the power of receiving ANY possibility
and whatever degree of separation you think is there....
dictates and reflects in reality the appearance and perspective of it being...
"over there"

It's always "here" friends...
you contain it already...
your perspective is just looking at it from a distance...
but you are the SPACE that holds it...
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car...doughnut...a really hot dragon guy with wings...

Camaro...camaro...camaro...
here, let's just search for camaros...
for art research, yo...
but if I just happen to manifest one...
don't hate me... although a sports car everyone desires is also something I desire, I'm not really a sports car kinda person... I like to run people over...and I already have what I want, lol!
this energy really does whatever it wants...usually when I splurt off something mindlessly...
like what if a classic shiny older model camaro (or mustang, or shelby, or anything sporty with a foreign name) just showed up in my driveway...
and it could happen...mainly because I said something similar...
or I could also say that loads of unexpected monetary funds arrive every month.
...I did manifest my house because of mindless and borderline rude comment...
...and maybe my mind and words will stop manifesting things, like all the tiny little rinky-dinks in the past week I mentioned and 'poof' there it is...  or at the very least mirrored and mentioned by others.
(it IS fascinating for sure though!)


it's 2am-ish...
all I can think about other than the youtube vid I'm listening to...
is book 6
book 6 characters
book 6 events and happenings and feelings and all the other things...
and I'm trying to find a way to NOT make my MC's sister a bad person...
...and I've only thought of one way... which won't come onto the scene until the end of the book ....which in turn will be proof of a book 7...
(and when is this going to end???!!)
I guess making my characters practically immortal, wasn't in my best interests...
they are not even vampires! doh!

so bed and sleep....
or with a more truthful aspect... book 6 viewing...
(yes, I watch it... it's a long ass television drama... with numerous reruns)

later peeps

you know what I like...
that jamaican rap music... with the accent and shit...
and krispie creme doughnuts.. wouldn't something exactly like that be great to stop in for a visit. ;)

you know a dream is like a river...

A-Ma-Zing!
more like a-maze-ing
because when one step enhances momentum...
things fall from the sky that weren't available the moment before...
FLOW
it's called flow...
and all the proof of this energy and this flow and this trust and this universe...
lies right HERE

yesterday's words ring true
and we've found ourselves in this current...
this currency...

behold, let the river carry us

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I bet you want me to get literal and tell you what's happening in this realm..
but what good would that serve you?
what good would that serve me? considering all I 'do' is work with the aether world...
the happenings you see around you are secondary...
all parts of the past, even already as they appear...
knowing they were coming weeks before... if not months before they formed...
light is what creates the illusion of time....
and by the time the light hits your eyes, you are seeing the past reflection of an energy that was born long before you could see it... perhaps you weren't paying attention then...
and only now you see.... but the heart, the mind, the soul... knew all, and knows all...

let me tell you what is coming...
for even the energy is present with me now... even if it hasn't yet anchored to matter...

hmmm.... but how I see energy and process it and work with it...
is going to be different for you... decided by you... and discovered by you...
you create your own reality... and I create mine...

what's coming...is like the inner face of a wave...
it moves rapidly, so much that it lifts the water higher to the crest...
it forms a tunnel tube just before the ending energy allows the crest to drop downward
whereas, I see these things coming and use what I can from this energy...
others toss and turn and get beaten by the water's upward surge...

in other words... many people, go through tedious and distraught circumstances...
they get the same energy, but try to keep their pretty pretty fake worlds aloft in the sky for all to see...
but like an earthquake... many times those pretties fall to the ground
they run into things they've met before and fall into despair, sadness, depression, confusion
they see a whirlwind around them, like in that tube... grasping in their answer that consistantly fails them...as you can't grasp the water, nor can you grasp the energy...
you've got to surf, baby.
You've got to balance.
You've got to allow it to lift you. To carry you. To move you.
Allow it...

Fact: I've never been surfing on the ocean, nor in any replicated wave pool.
...and I'd probably fall on my face a few times, at least...

but energy waves... I can do that.
I'm telling you they are coming... there are some occurring now too...
but there's more.. there's always more.
there are a few massive ones I see in the distance...
and if you are unaware of their approach... your world is going to get tumbled
if you are trying to hold up your pretties... I'm telling you now... it's time to bring them in and find the foundation you truly stand on.
They will always keep coming... and you can learn to surf... or you can be at the mercy of them...
there's no standing on the beach when the all the universe is energy...

it's not the planets... it's not the moon... it's the energy that moves between everything...
and you can be the creator..or the created..

you can even choose to swim if you want... but don't try to hold your breath... let it go.. allow...
breathing energy is the same as breathing air...
just do it.

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I was going to say I have stuff to do...
but do I really?
meh...
they look like pretties up in the air... but I didn't put them there...
they are just hovering like drones...
hmm.. I wonder when they will fall?

when is the beach going to be here?

welcome to this mess of a post at 4:30pm-ish...
it maybe wasn't very kosher, but it's edible...
I'm off to be 'productive' LOL
it's fun to play human games at times...

We have... lift off

That moment when you slip into a higher gear...
smoothly...
and everything flows effortlessly...
and the engines run quiet, and it's like flying..

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so there's that Humpty Dumpty story...
and I recently revisited it...
and told the story to 3 people in the last 3 days, lol...
and even having already known the story for a long time...
it found a nice little corner to fit into a complex puzzle I was recently working on...
which was a very important piece, btw.

in literal terms....
the story of Humpty Dumpty is the same words...
but the images are far different than what you may have ever seen...
and besides the person I heard this version from, I've never found it again...
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjwpyZH4lvU
so that is the version...although there's more to it... and unless you follow the rest of his video's, some of that may be obscured for you... I think he has another one that adds to it somewhere... but I didn't look for it
basically...Humpty Dumpty is two (2 different people, 2 parts of yourself, 2 versions, 2 choices, all duality, all division)
Humpty fell on one side of the wall
Dumpty fell on the other
all the king's horses, and all the king's men, couldn't put Humpty and Dumpty together again
So Humpty thinks his whole side is the truth...
Dumpty thinks her whole side is the truth...
and they are both against each other because neither has the perspective of the other.
..but..
YOU have the perspective of both. And YOU can see that each one is caught in the trap of a lower perspective which dictates the only 'truth' they can see from where they are.
but you see... YOU have the higher perspective. YOU can see the greater truth from where you are, which is above the wall, above the story.
When you declare a truth for yourself, or for someone else... are you looking at it from your perspective of duality? (in other words, are you seeing from Humpty's view? or Dumpty's view?)
Or, are you looking at something from a higher viewpoint. One that is above duality and division?
Are you moving through life as one who is for or against something? or one who moves as if all are welcomed?
Are you in duality? Are you in division with yourself?
Is there something you're against?
All resistance is against yourself. Any division is the dividing of yourself...
YOU are BOTH Humpty AND Dumpty.

~ ~ ~ "Whatever it is that divides the world between you." ~ ~ ~
you know... I got those words when I asked the boss man what the heck I was supposed to 'do' or 'work on' or whatnot...with my life...
it was one of the only parables (besides the crow one) that didn't immediately fall into place
I often kept thinking the point had something to do with separating shit, like that wheat from tares, or the good from bad..or all that crap.... but no...
It was to pay attention to the thing that divided one from the other...
and that wall... although it at times was a tedious climb...
brings you to a higher perspective...
(I lie... I didn't climb it, I got a ride to the top)
but yeah... once you see... the view from up here... you can't really integrate back to the ground very well.... if at all... and all truth is relative to perspective and location...
and all in all.... nothing is true...
because everything is true...
and the neutral point... is knowing that neither exists...

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so the puzzle piece.... the cornerstone, if you will
  (see what I did there)
is that whole story of Humpty Dumpty, brought into focus as I pieced together something I've been giving my attention to.
and if I told you I worked hard on things and strived to get this or learn that.... I'd be lying.
I give my attention and I already knew the answers would arrive on their own...
I just have to listen and be present and wait...
and from the visitation of a memory, the sharing of that story... 3 times, yo...
it solved a huge important part of me.
and if you can say that over here is this and over there is that... you would forget that you stand between them... you are the one separating them, you are the wall....
but oooohhhhh....
take a look at that handful of shit over 'here'.... and get bombarded with all of google about how you should look for the answers over 'there' ...but NO no NO no NO
the truth is inside of you...
you don't need to balance on top of this wall... and mix a little of 'this' to neutralize 'that'...
you don't need to 'do' any fucking thing...
rise up and see...
you are all you need...
and all you need is to know that all sides are not truth... but you are truth...right now.

and even though I already know for a fact that this matter I'm paying attention to will be completely resolved in a time sooner than I'm brave enough to admit....
and even though I'm hyper-aware of a huge outpouring of miracles approaching....
and even though my Mind has not yet come to terms or even fully understands the huge implications that having this corner piece entails...
I am slightly terrified and excited...
Finding that perfect balance point atop this wall... the barzakh between excite and terror...
even that is not needed... only awareness... the knowing that both of those are only sides
you are ALL

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I have a coach that I declared something to a few months back....
and I remembered what I had said today...
and I'm not sure why the universe plays these games with me and humors my whims far more than my grander egoic desires... but it is almost obvious that what I had said will be manifested right on schedule...
and my Mind is having a fit, thinking I should stop throwing out random fancies on a whim and actually take time to declare something more huge and amazing ... but...
Universe serves Soul...and Soul and heart doesn't know ego, nor time, nor whether or not it's 'important' or not.
Universe delivers regardless... if I click 'buy it now'... universe doesn't ask if I mean it, lol.

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 eh, it's late...
and there's things I need to get lined up...
which I should have time to do...but I'm not sure where it keeps going...
besides those times I sleep in and meditate..
I did get things done today...little things... and watched a movie...
and tomorrow me and the youngest are going to pick up a slushie...
(at the only gas station that has the Dr. Pepper slushie flavor!)
(I do wish someone had root beer kind)
(do they make slushie machines?)
(shaved ice machines make great christmas presents....wait... shaved ice machines make great 'Christmas in July' presents.)
it is time to go to the beach yet?

oh... I adopted a new pet today. His name is Sebastian.

Navigation... check

This girl, the one with the fire red hair that reminds me of
a chieftess from the wolfrider tribe.
This daughter of Mars, or so she claims.
And this sword she handed me... as if I had lost my previous one...
and the mountain before me... is no more...
for it has been hacked to pieces...
pieces so small, they appear as ants at my feet...

~ you are in here with me... never forget that ~
that passage that came from Soul as she looked below at the defeated...
... god I love her...

and something often seen as difficult or challenging...
has fallen...
beneath my feet
and I am the god.

and Freya giggles, like this warfare brings her joy and entertainment
feeding her these carcasses..
the death toll has risen
and as fire fills my eyes as lust for death pulls me forward...
she giggles...
I think I like her.
I like this sword.
I like this war
I shall slaughter the landscape that impedes my journey

bow...
or die.

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today is action day...
following the path of least resistance...
and already I can feel the earth breaking away to make a path for my approach...
     (possible upcoming earthquakes are not my fault...even if they happen on the 7/11)
or blame me.... I'll own that shit
so be prepared...
no, not for an earthquake... but the shifting of all things...
can you stand? can you keep balance?
where is your foundation?
shake, shake, shake it up... I've got you

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I'm currently in the middle of ZERO projects...
I don't know how long this will last.
probably a whole day or two
I'd like to think I'd be able to wait until the 24th or something...
but path of least resistance requires nothing but gravity... not even my consent...

I also thought maybe I should write about something like navigation...
but when you are on a path that forms just moments before you step upon it...
I don't think there's a way to tell anyone where you're headed...
It's a surprise!!! Even to me.
Thank god. Knowing everything gets rather boring after awhile...
The gps is set for awesome... and if you keep going around in circles...
I'm sure that means you're already there, yes?
Love where you are at. Love all of it. All of you.
All of the casualties... and the stench of demise...
All the newborns and the scent of victory.
You have two hands... take them both, or one of them will be cut off...

I kinda like it when it all goes suddenly dark...
like a power outage.
and people come together in the kitchen... and the piano still works...
and we can make up stories about why the power is out...
like zombies.. or aliens.. or government lockdown martial law..
suddenly dark... as if you had pretended all this time it didn't exist...

...ok...
got other things to do.

when the morning rings the bell of the church... and the people step from their confines and chains... we shall gather around the starlight of the ages and feast with the angels of old... there we will see and know, have and behold... and walk in the light of the mighty daystar...

wake up

Fuel... check

It's early and I just did that stupid thing and went on facebook...
I submitted myself to the atrocities of the world...
and exposed myself to ideologies that I just do not align with
...
so this is a rant post, in shorter words, but less eloquently put
which frankly does nothing for my need to satisfy a growing urge to use analogies...

Astrology is great and all...
it's fun to tamper with, fun to entertain yourself with, fun to talk to.
you know, like the planets and the stars...
it's fun to find comparisons and fit yourself into being this or that sign...
(but of course, don't forget your rising sign, which is more a match to me)
and heaven forbid mercury goes retrograde or at the moment five whole planets...
shut the fuck up already...
I'm going to do that thing and compare this to tarot cards...
which are also fun to tamper with, to play with, to pretend with...
So are magic rocks, or sage and essential oils..
Can these things bring your awareness into focus to you can actually get your fucking mind to comply...? yeah...that's legit.
But if you think these things are greater than you and have any power over you whatsoever...
than apparently they do... You are fucking weak...and I'm a bit appalled that not everyone has this warrior god inside of them that dares to say ...fuck that, I am god....and god is me.
please for the love of any god...of any universal power...of any earth energy...of your soul....
take responsibility for everything
everything....
or are you too weak for that too?
stop thinking anything outside of you is the answer
...


you don't need anyone else
you don't need a fucking 'tribe'
you don't need a shoulder to cry on
you don't need anything or anyone
you don't even need a prayer
you just need all of you.... stop giving that shit away

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I'll probably be back to write more later...
I'm in the middle of some huge event....

Engines... check.

WoW

the electromagnetic field is supremely powerful
I can feel it lock into synchronization at times

and consciously, I can feel it
not like super saiyan jedi power...
but ancient mystical power that can probably do anything
manifest anything
and I feel the part of me thinking I shouldn't be here..
in this alignment... while I'm in it...
but...
it's mine...
and I feel like a stranger in my own home...
and this paradox poses a conundrum for my mind...
..
because I'm not a stranger....I just haven't been here for a long time
and this place feels like the cleaning ladies just left...
lemon and blueberry scents, bright lights and sleek shiny tabletops...
this mansion on high...
far exceeding the levels of the wealthy

and I remember that I have forgotten this place...
it feels like Atlantis.
Where the pillars stand tall, and there's always a soft breeze.
The skies like sapphire and silk curtains rising high to the ceilings.
Fresh cut flowers would be brought to our rooms with breakfast and teas.
We'd have lilacs and lavender growing along the paths and gardens always maintained.
It smelled like heaven. And the warm sun kissed our darkened skin daily.
The children from the town would have new wreaths for us each time we entered the agora.
When we were called for council, we'd be escorted by soldiers with red sashes.
The people would line up to watch us, bidding us favors, flowers, and smiles.
And the stars... they weren't so silent in those times. It was often they'd be the ones playing the music.
...


oooh...
but let's return here...
where this field surrounds this me, this life, this time...
and it's ready to create...
and all I have to do is choose

and is this the same thing as having the infinity stones?
to where you may not blip out half the population...even if it sounds appealing...
but blip to a planet to retire on, lol.
what is that? retirement?
sounds a bit like death...
...
anyway... I'm rambling and losing focus... but I guess listening to a video and forgetting where I was going with this is almost inevitable.
...
I think I'll hang here in this space for awhile...
pay attention to those things in me that needs that attention...

I once talked to a great master... he said...
"You know the answers, but do you feel them? That is where understanding comes from.
Come back to me when you have learned this."

and I understand this...
so I may stop in for a chat again...
I've been informed that he hasn't forgotten me... and is waiting...
😬



oh oh oh!!
I learned something today...

"If you can see it, then it isn't you."
"It's just a reflection of you."
....
maybe some education on that will follow...
tbc

You are... my fire....

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Sitting upon the throne, watching subjects hold out their fanciful offerings, unamused, dismissive, bored with the repetitive dance the commoners think will gain your graces.
And a wave of the hand, and the guards clear the room, knowing that the people outside will frown at not being able to please the one who rules over them.
The room is silent and the sun strikes out it's rays through the crystalline glass windows, adorned with colors from across the globe. A smile has finally arrived. The specks of dust in the air glitter like snowfall. A magical world encapsulated in this empty room.
It was never the fancy trinkets or the songs. Nor the dancing and the furs. The lute could play all day and the wine could be rich and red... yet... the captivating moment that gains the attention of the great one on the throne...is the silence, where a sword of sunlight...and dust mingle. Star dust.
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There has been an adoption. And a new member of the driveway sits on the cracked pavement designated as the place to park.
There has been a few shades of color splashed across Timothy's picture... another few days and the base colors should be finished... and then I'm sure detailing will be the next impossible thing to accomplish. Another project way too big, that is still going to be completed.
There has been manifestations tossed my way, and I'm sure I've been dubbed the catcher for the team, besides the Leo in the house, who is designated caretaker of our new member.
There has been a rearranging of the days, and reassurances. Plenty of flexibility has proven to be a winner for the most part, although one can appreciate a more stable design from time to time.

I found that list of six, I was on Level 58, back in February, and hadn't touched it since.
But I'm a different person than I was in February.
I don't think I need to use the list of 6 any longer, however I'm going to give it go once more to see if it still benefits me.
Right now manifesting powers are incredibly in tune and aligned like nobody's business... and even if I have a few things I'd like to have, none of them are soul callings... and frankly, I'm super bored of manifesting 'things'.
Yeah, I'd love a stainless steel wok, or a platform hitch mount bike rack for when it's not 100 degrees outside... or a go pro hero 7 black... or a new stereo for the 4runner... but all those things feel unsatisfying to my soul.... and she's holding something else she wants to show me...
(I'm hoping it's $40k or a huge significant amount of cash)

Mars is in Leo right now...and I listened to this meditation thing someone I know made... (really only because I wanted to find out what cards she was using, because they were awesome looking)... anyway... she was talking about Mars in Leo...and to imagine your solar plexus energy or some crap reach down to earth and reach out to Mars and wrap around Mars and pull it into you..
ok, a little woo woo... but remember something... I was talking to that Daughter of Mars not too long ago... and while I wasn't really doing that meditation ... guess who happened to stop back in and say hello...
Freya. This girl with the hair like fire, who has deemed herself the Daughter of Mars...and I am still pretty sure I should not be trusting her completely. She is the goddess of war and death too, you know. She brought a sword with her this time. I'm intrigued.

 ~  Freya dose not take part in the battle of Ragnarok but is one of the beings that survives war. Freya and the survivors of Ragnarok help the world when the great battle is over. ~
~ Ragnarok is the cataclysmic destruction of the cosmos and everything in it – even the gods. ~
       The twilight and the destruction of the gods...
unless you look up the etymology of ragnarok which translates to ..  
~ Ragna means “conjure” and is used metonymically to refer to beings, most notably creator-gods, who possess the power of conjuring as an attribute. The second word, rök, has several meanings, such as “development, origin, cause, relation, fate.” ~  
Conjuring of fate, perhaps?
Isn't that the same thing as manifesting?



So I'm taking this class on ... uhh... science, physics, relativity, quantum reality, among a few other comparable topics...it is pretty enlightening, beside that one lesson on calculus that made no fucking sense.

ack...  going to go see spiderman tomorrow... probably should assume I might need sleep...

Auf Wiedersehen - Kartoffel Kinder haben Wasser

 ^^ ^^ Remember that, it is SUPER important!!! ^^ ^^