Day 57
I played video games today.
And took a walk.
and found something for you to watch.
here ya go...
https://www.facebook.com/coolmancoffeedan/videos/1985091544837518/?fref=mentions
I still have time to format my script today if I wanted to.
I haven't decided yet if I want to though.
I'm only on the 3 day play video games commitment
at the moment. And this blog, 57 of 90
I'll work on my script in a few days with a 7 day
instead of a 10 day.
10 days seem like a long time, don't they?
So...there's evidently a council leader.
He sat down with me and we chatted.
It was weird.
It's like speaking with the judge, while
the jury lingers in the background
as they try to point out reasons against you.
But the head leader was nice.
I have no idea what to do with this information.
Maybe I'll see them again tonight??
Maybe they are in deliberation.
WTF? Is this a court case? lol
Am I on trial?
It's like going before the Jedi council or something.
Totally weird!!!
Will I be shunned like Anakin Skywalker?
Will I be supported like Obi-wan Kenobi?
I have no clue what is happening.
And I guess I love that.
_______________________________________
Can you lift it?
Can you carry it?
Are you strong enough to let it be a part of you?
If not, it will fall to the ground.
If not, your fingers will release it, even unwillingly.
If not, it wouldn't be able to go with you.
Make yourself strong.
Build yourself up.
Then all those things you wish to bring with you...
will follow beside you.
________________________________________
Need to pick up the oldest from work here soon.
And some kind of dessert, something chocolate.
Then meditate.
and sleep.
Tomorrow, chauffeuring oldest to band practice and stuff.
I'll read one of my books I ordered while I wait.
Scrounge up some cash for lunch from somewhere.
Video games when I get home.
Maybe my work will send me some more work orders.
Closer to home, would be prime. Like 20 of them.
Not in the bad parts of town.
Now I keep thinking about chocolate.
I'm going to get dessert now then.
I'll talk to you giant squishy duck monsters tomorrow!
Enjoy your rum tossed ice cubes of pirate tonic.
Wednesday, January 31, 2018
Tuesday, January 30, 2018
I don't need counciling... I need a stamp of approval!
Day 56
Absorbing....
then rinsing.
Like a sponge that soaks up the water.
Then you wring it tight.
The water squeezes out.
Inhale - exhale
Cleansing out this sponge from it's filth
Making things clear.
Flowing without resistance.
________________________________
Don't let your surplus of abundance go rotten.
Energy is meant to move and flow.
Not to contain and hold onto.
Or it will destroy you.
KABOOM!!!
________________________________
Watched IT today
Much better than the older version.
Kinda feeling .... lunar.
I'm sure it's the moon.
Even the bird was acting strange all day today
Weird.
Like, he's a cockatoo, why is he being quiet?
Why is he hanging out inside his cage all day?
The door is open, yo.
This is not normal.
I'm just feeling blandish.
Like I'm waiting for something to happen.
Not quite sure really.
The world outside feels...
like sludge.
The world inside feels...
like a fountain preparing to get turned on
after a long winter.
I guess this lunar eclipse is calling something forth.
*shrugs
I'll just go with the flow.
That's what I'm good at.
I probably need to converse with my peeps
on the other side.
So I don't feel like I'm left out of being
'in the know'. Ya know?
Of course, they called council on me the other day.
Which is great that I'm getting attention and all,
but rather kinda scary, because I'm getting their attention.
I float between feeling recognized and being in trouble, lol.
Like when you get called to the principles office.
And you don't know why.
Are they congratulating me?
Or did they find out something I did they didn't like?
Like that time I skipped school in like 5th grade.
My friend and I went to the bus stop...
but the bus was taking too long.
So we decided to walk.
But got distracted on the way.
We found a kitten in the ditch. He was hurt.
We found a box.
We put the kitten in a box and set it on someone's
front porch. The house that looked like a nice
old lady may have lived at.
We rang the doorbell and ran off.
Then we headed towards school.
But yo, there was a ditch and walking the ditch sounded
way cooler than the road.
But it had a ton of water in it.
Not that that stopped us or anything.
We caught the back of a train too.
My friend was scared to ride it too far though.
Anyway, we eventually made it back to our neighborhood.
And her mom found us and picked us up.
She took us to the school.
Then we got scolded by the principle for
not being where we should have been. Lol!
Our punishment was to write the Constitution
10 times.
Do you know how long the Constitution is?
Anyway....I may have started to write it out, but
my friend said she 'wasn't gonna do it'
so neither did I.
Nothing else was ever mentioned about it.
I don't think the school even told my mom?
Did they?
Oh well.... hopefully the council will approve my request.
I'm not even sure where this 'council' even fits
into my theories of the other side.
Even I'm confused!!!
But it happened and well...
I'm just gonna flow with it.
I have to go pick up the oldest from work.
I'll see you chubby nutcrackers tomorrow!!
Love you all my little fruitcakes of society.
Absorbing....
then rinsing.
Like a sponge that soaks up the water.
Then you wring it tight.
The water squeezes out.
Inhale - exhale
Cleansing out this sponge from it's filth
Making things clear.
Flowing without resistance.
________________________________
Don't let your surplus of abundance go rotten.
Energy is meant to move and flow.
Not to contain and hold onto.
Or it will destroy you.
KABOOM!!!
________________________________
Watched IT today
Much better than the older version.
Kinda feeling .... lunar.
I'm sure it's the moon.
Even the bird was acting strange all day today
Weird.
Like, he's a cockatoo, why is he being quiet?
Why is he hanging out inside his cage all day?
The door is open, yo.
This is not normal.
I'm just feeling blandish.
Like I'm waiting for something to happen.
Not quite sure really.
The world outside feels...
like sludge.
The world inside feels...
like a fountain preparing to get turned on
after a long winter.
I guess this lunar eclipse is calling something forth.
*shrugs
I'll just go with the flow.
That's what I'm good at.
I probably need to converse with my peeps
on the other side.
So I don't feel like I'm left out of being
'in the know'. Ya know?
Of course, they called council on me the other day.
Which is great that I'm getting attention and all,
but rather kinda scary, because I'm getting their attention.
I float between feeling recognized and being in trouble, lol.
Like when you get called to the principles office.
And you don't know why.
Are they congratulating me?
Or did they find out something I did they didn't like?
Like that time I skipped school in like 5th grade.
My friend and I went to the bus stop...
but the bus was taking too long.
So we decided to walk.
But got distracted on the way.
We found a kitten in the ditch. He was hurt.
We found a box.
We put the kitten in a box and set it on someone's
front porch. The house that looked like a nice
old lady may have lived at.
We rang the doorbell and ran off.
Then we headed towards school.
But yo, there was a ditch and walking the ditch sounded
way cooler than the road.
But it had a ton of water in it.
Not that that stopped us or anything.
We caught the back of a train too.
My friend was scared to ride it too far though.
Anyway, we eventually made it back to our neighborhood.
And her mom found us and picked us up.
She took us to the school.
Then we got scolded by the principle for
not being where we should have been. Lol!
Our punishment was to write the Constitution
10 times.
Do you know how long the Constitution is?
Anyway....I may have started to write it out, but
my friend said she 'wasn't gonna do it'
so neither did I.
Nothing else was ever mentioned about it.
I don't think the school even told my mom?
Did they?
Oh well.... hopefully the council will approve my request.
I'm not even sure where this 'council' even fits
into my theories of the other side.
Even I'm confused!!!
But it happened and well...
I'm just gonna flow with it.
I have to go pick up the oldest from work.
I'll see you chubby nutcrackers tomorrow!!
Love you all my little fruitcakes of society.
Monday, January 29, 2018
I'll spare you now, skip this one.
Day 55
Worked this morning, for 1 hour and 45 mins.
plus maybe 10 minutes to upload stuff.
I think I'm going to the aquarium?
Waiting for the youngest to get a shower and ready.
Homeschool day - which equals discount pricing
For the win!
I probably will not post this blog until after I get back...
so I'll add more later.
Formatting and editing my script is going to
take a bit longer so I'm going to start the countdown
over again to another 10 day formatting commitment.
I wrote it in 6 of 10 days, so hoping I can edit in 6 as well.
But not till after I do 3 days worth of video games.
I'm still being hounded to finish Breath of the Wild.
Went to aquarium.
There's fish there....and turtles.
And gators. and penguins. and otters
and lemurs. and butterflies. and sharks
and salamanders. But the seahorses are gone :(
It's totally not crowded on Mondays, which is great.
______________________________________________
Do I have to wait until the car is fixed to go to level 28 on my list?
It's at the shop....and they will get to it. I did my part already.
So....that means I can proceed, yes?
I'm not really asking you...
I'm asking myself.
What else does my 'self' say?
1) No. The car isn't fixed yet, no cheating.
2) You need to meditate and sleep. Nothing else.
3) Stop asking, do number 2
4) .....
I see myself grimacing.
I'm not amused with myself, apparently.
What the heck am I doing talking to myself?
Oooh....that's right.
None of you people write to me.
Fuck you too, then.
See what I did there. :)
It's called passive aggressiveness
To where I'm not angry or mad at you... or anyone.
but I suppose I'd like to be acknowledged.
I don't know why though.
I don't care for approval or whatnot.
Maybe it's a thing about obtaining proof that I exist.
How can I exist if no one 'sees' me?
Like ultraviolet light.
You don't really know it's there.
But it exists.
I was at a Christian Homeschool Co-op....
and I was told I was just an "extra body...."
.... "ya know....in case we need you."
Well then.....fuck you too.
Am I an extra body to you?
I know my stealth rating is so high it's hard to find myself.
But damn.
Of course, this comes in handy while passing up
those stupid kiosks at the mall or people trying to
hand you pamphlets, or sell you xfinity or verizon shit.
It's great. I just don't know how to turn itoff ...err... down.
I'm good at hiding. But why?
Why did I have to hide so much to become a pro at it?
Oh wait.... I know why.
Because you can't handle the truth.
You can't handle seeing your own darkness.
You can't handle standing in the light without melting.
Without burning. Without becoming blind.
So I spared you.
I spared you my words.
they come out sometimes as FUCK
sometimes come out praising Jesus Christ.
sometimes telling you a story
sometimes creating a dream
I spared you my heart.
it pours out with a plea for love.
it rages with passion
sometimes it devours.
I spared you my magic.
the kind that creates the uncreated
or walks as a god
or sacrifices everything from the sky to the sea...
I spared you....
I spared you.....
from me.
awww...look, it kinda rhymes.
So... what's up peoples.
I'm bored and tired and have been
treading in the shallows.
Nothing deep to say I guess.
What do I want to say...hmmm?
Nothing.
Worked this morning, for 1 hour and 45 mins.
plus maybe 10 minutes to upload stuff.
I think I'm going to the aquarium?
Waiting for the youngest to get a shower and ready.
Homeschool day - which equals discount pricing
For the win!
I probably will not post this blog until after I get back...
so I'll add more later.
Formatting and editing my script is going to
take a bit longer so I'm going to start the countdown
over again to another 10 day formatting commitment.
I wrote it in 6 of 10 days, so hoping I can edit in 6 as well.
But not till after I do 3 days worth of video games.
I'm still being hounded to finish Breath of the Wild.
Went to aquarium.
There's fish there....and turtles.
And gators. and penguins. and otters
and lemurs. and butterflies. and sharks
and salamanders. But the seahorses are gone :(
It's totally not crowded on Mondays, which is great.
______________________________________________
Do I have to wait until the car is fixed to go to level 28 on my list?
It's at the shop....and they will get to it. I did my part already.
So....that means I can proceed, yes?
I'm not really asking you...
I'm asking myself.
What else does my 'self' say?
1) No. The car isn't fixed yet, no cheating.
2) You need to meditate and sleep. Nothing else.
3) Stop asking, do number 2
4) .....
I see myself grimacing.
I'm not amused with myself, apparently.
What the heck am I doing talking to myself?
Oooh....that's right.
See what I did there. :)
It's called passive aggressiveness
To where I'm not angry or mad at you... or anyone.
but I suppose I'd like to be acknowledged.
I don't know why though.
I don't care for approval or whatnot.
Maybe it's a thing about obtaining proof that I exist.
How can I exist if no one 'sees' me?
Like ultraviolet light.
You don't really know it's there.
But it exists.
I was at a Christian Homeschool Co-op....
and I was told I was just an "extra body...."
.... "ya know....in case we need you."
Well then.....fuck you too.
Am I an extra body to you?
I know my stealth rating is so high it's hard to find myself.
But damn.
Of course, this comes in handy while passing up
those stupid kiosks at the mall or people trying to
hand you pamphlets, or sell you xfinity or verizon shit.
It's great. I just don't know how to turn it
I'm good at hiding. But why?
Why did I have to hide so much to become a pro at it?
Oh wait.... I know why.
Because you can't handle the truth.
You can't handle seeing your own darkness.
You can't handle standing in the light without melting.
Without burning. Without becoming blind.
So I spared you.
I spared you my words.
they come out sometimes as FUCK
sometimes come out praising Jesus Christ.
sometimes telling you a story
sometimes creating a dream
I spared you my heart.
it pours out with a plea for love.
it rages with passion
sometimes it devours.
I spared you my magic.
the kind that creates the uncreated
or walks as a god
or sacrifices everything from the sky to the sea...
I spared you....
I spared you.....
from me.
awww...look, it kinda rhymes.
So... what's up peoples.
I'm bored and tired and have been
treading in the shallows.
Nothing deep to say I guess.
What do I want to say...hmmm?
Nothing.
Sunday, January 28, 2018
Decoupaged life.
Day 54
Life is too small.
Too small to contain whatever is inside.
Shall I expand?
Shall I press against these walls and obey their limits?
It's too small in here.
Too small.
One must destroy to grow.
Watch out...I'm a grenade.
Flowing and unsure where I'm going.
And I love that.
Nonresistant to everything.
Just to see what comes of it.
Let the plates fall.
Let them crash.
Let them break apart and shatter.
Watch your step...
There's glass on the floor.
Watch your step.
I shall dance upon them.
For I wear shoes.
____________________________________________
Day 8 of 10 script writing...now formatting.
Dialogue issues are not my friends.
I can handle formatting. But words are slipping away.
I'll need to converse with my helper.
I have 1 redo for my job...but I have no idea what to do just yet.
I'll call tomorrow and then go out and do it.
Assuming I can get a hold of anyone.
Dinner....I'll be back....
ok, I'm back...
I know I don't have to write that, but I'm filling space.
Filling up all the space.
You will drown.
Universal energies are at work
I'm manifesting stuff within 12 hours,
however I can't seem to be able to know
when I'm doing it or what will arise.
It's awesome, but I have to be attentive
to my thoughts.
I need to meditate.
Financial Feng Shui:
I have money.
I will always have money.
I live in abundance.
I am abundance.
I give myself abundance and prosperity.
I receive that abundance and prosperity.
^ ^ working on that manifestation ^ ^
No room for other thoughts.
Only what feels good flows.
Want me to do a countdown....
12 hours
It's 8:30 pm
So by morning, I should have received some money
from somewhere. I'll let you know what shows up.
______________________________________________
I don't have anything good to write about....hmmmm
I solved a riddle. Or a question? I'm not quite sure the difference.
"Only the crow flies against the wind. Why do you think that is?"
I won't even attempt to explain.
But it has a lot to do with flooooooow.
Maybe tomorrow we can go deep again?
I really am not very good at surface speak.
I can be raw and open....
I want to be....
but you need to allow me to be.
You need to just ask.
please.
I'm suffocating among you.
The air is too heavy.
Life is too small.
Too small to contain whatever is inside.
Shall I expand?
Shall I press against these walls and obey their limits?
It's too small in here.
Too small.
One must destroy to grow.
Watch out...I'm a grenade.
Flowing and unsure where I'm going.
And I love that.
Nonresistant to everything.
Just to see what comes of it.
Let the plates fall.
Let them crash.
Let them break apart and shatter.
Watch your step...
There's glass on the floor.
Watch your step.
I shall dance upon them.
For I wear shoes.
____________________________________________
Day 8 of 10 script writing...now formatting.
Dialogue issues are not my friends.
I can handle formatting. But words are slipping away.
I'll need to converse with my helper.
I have 1 redo for my job...but I have no idea what to do just yet.
I'll call tomorrow and then go out and do it.
Assuming I can get a hold of anyone.
Dinner....I'll be back....
ok, I'm back...
I know I don't have to write that, but I'm filling space.
Filling up all the space.
You will drown.
Universal energies are at work
I'm manifesting stuff within 12 hours,
however I can't seem to be able to know
when I'm doing it or what will arise.
It's awesome, but I have to be attentive
to my thoughts.
I need to meditate.
Financial Feng Shui:
I have money.
I will always have money.
I live in abundance.
I am abundance.
I give myself abundance and prosperity.
I receive that abundance and prosperity.
^ ^ working on that manifestation ^ ^
No room for other thoughts.
Only what feels good flows.
Want me to do a countdown....
12 hours
It's 8:30 pm
So by morning, I should have received some money
from somewhere. I'll let you know what shows up.
______________________________________________
I don't have anything good to write about....hmmmm
I solved a riddle. Or a question? I'm not quite sure the difference.
"Only the crow flies against the wind. Why do you think that is?"
I won't even attempt to explain.
But it has a lot to do with flooooooow.
Maybe tomorrow we can go deep again?
I really am not very good at surface speak.
I can be raw and open....
I want to be....
but you need to allow me to be.
You need to just ask.
please.
I'm suffocating among you.
The air is too heavy.
Saturday, January 27, 2018
Where be me broom?! I'll swab the deck.
Day 53
I'm not sure what happened to the last two hours,
what the heck...?
Do I even have the time to do anything now that it's 10pm???
I don't think I have anything to do tomorrow???
but still.... starting something is in question.
I need to format my script!
I will do that. At least for an hour.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Yeah.... if I open it, I'll format it all.
There's only a few parts that need it,
but they are scattered.
Which means I'll read through while formatting.
Which means, I won't know what time it will be
until I get it finished.
And the way things are going, time may flooooow
and then 3am will pop up and I'll be like....
what the heck!???!!
I'm already tired though....
WHAAAA!!!!
Throwing a tantrum here....
because I want to go to sleep...
but I made a commitment...
although I really can't remember if I'm
on day 7 of 10... or??
I guess it doesn't matter....hmmm
Fine day 7 of 10 script writing....(er...formatting)
_________________________________________
Did my job today.
Wasn't bad at all.
Although I probably messed some things up
or forgot something....
It's all good. First day and all.
_________________________________________
Going to sleep in tomorrow. For sure.
How about a comedy? What do they call those...
stupid funny movies... yeah, those...
"The Witches of the Sea"
It's about a coven of witches on a pirate ship.
They are searching for __?__
And a group of loser pirates try to stop them.
But they are witches and even though they don't know
anything about sailing a pirate ship...they band together
to stop the pirates and find __?__ before the pirates do.
It's a comedy, use your imagination.
Witches, speaking like pirates... Casting spells on the ocean.
Where do you think the Krakken came from??!!
And mermaids....um hello!
They threw a girl overboard and she had to cast a spell to survive!
Me be castin' a spell!!! Argh! - But in a old witch-y voice.
No, they don't wear pirate hats....but the pirates do.
Maybe a witch and a pirate fall in love...
Maybe they learn to sail the ship...
Maybe they curse the pirates...
Maybe they find the treasure they seek, but instead
of going home, they decide to stay upon the seas...
Never know...
I'm not sure what happened to the last two hours,
what the heck...?
Do I even have the time to do anything now that it's 10pm???
I don't think I have anything to do tomorrow???
but still.... starting something is in question.
I need to format my script!
I will do that. At least for an hour.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Yeah.... if I open it, I'll format it all.
There's only a few parts that need it,
but they are scattered.
Which means I'll read through while formatting.
Which means, I won't know what time it will be
until I get it finished.
And the way things are going, time may flooooow
and then 3am will pop up and I'll be like....
what the heck!???!!
I'm already tired though....
WHAAAA!!!!
Throwing a tantrum here....
because I want to go to sleep...
but I made a commitment...
although I really can't remember if I'm
on day 7 of 10... or??
I guess it doesn't matter....hmmm
Fine day 7 of 10 script writing....(er...formatting)
_________________________________________
Did my job today.
Wasn't bad at all.
Although I probably messed some things up
or forgot something....
It's all good. First day and all.
_________________________________________
Going to sleep in tomorrow. For sure.
How about a comedy? What do they call those...
stupid funny movies... yeah, those...
"The Witches of the Sea"
It's about a coven of witches on a pirate ship.
They are searching for __?__
And a group of loser pirates try to stop them.
But they are witches and even though they don't know
anything about sailing a pirate ship...they band together
to stop the pirates and find __?__ before the pirates do.
It's a comedy, use your imagination.
Witches, speaking like pirates... Casting spells on the ocean.
Where do you think the Krakken came from??!!
And mermaids....um hello!
They threw a girl overboard and she had to cast a spell to survive!
Me be castin' a spell!!! Argh! - But in a old witch-y voice.
No, they don't wear pirate hats....but the pirates do.
Maybe a witch and a pirate fall in love...
Maybe they learn to sail the ship...
Maybe they curse the pirates...
Maybe they find the treasure they seek, but instead
of going home, they decide to stay upon the seas...
Never know...
Friday, January 26, 2018
Work stuff...but not really work
Day 52
This is something new.
I made it to the end of my script last night.
Now it's time for editing and fixing some of the formatting.
The car is at the shop.
And I start my new job tomorrow.
I'm going need a phone.
and a laptop battery and charge cord for the car.
wait....what was that about a job making money....ha ha
that's okay. I have 25 orders tomorrow
It'll be a surprise when I see money in my account
because I'll probably forget that I'm supposed
to get paid. I'm used to not getting paid for working.
I work all the time.
Even though it's fun work
Taking pictures is fun work too.
But now that I've associated money with pens...
I'll get money and just run out of pens instead.
I'm okay with that.
________________________________________
Oh, there's an whirlpool.
Round and round.
Like it's not sure where to go with itself.
Swirling and spiraling.
Where does it want to go now?
________________________________________
There's a perfume called Tabu.
It's the 'Forbidden Fragrance'
It smells like my grandma.
weird huh?
This is something new.
I made it to the end of my script last night.
Now it's time for editing and fixing some of the formatting.
The car is at the shop.
And I start my new job tomorrow.
I'm going need a phone.
and a laptop battery and charge cord for the car.
wait....what was that about a job making money....ha ha
that's okay. I have 25 orders tomorrow
It'll be a surprise when I see money in my account
because I'll probably forget that I'm supposed
to get paid. I'm used to not getting paid for working.
I work all the time.
Even though it's fun work
Taking pictures is fun work too.
But now that I've associated money with pens...
I'll get money and just run out of pens instead.
I'm okay with that.
________________________________________
Oh, there's an whirlpool.
Round and round.
Like it's not sure where to go with itself.
Swirling and spiraling.
Where does it want to go now?
________________________________________
There's a perfume called Tabu.
It's the 'Forbidden Fragrance'
It smells like my grandma.
weird huh?
Thursday, January 25, 2018
There be dragons here....
Day 51
Know what I'm doing when my 90 days is up?
Planning a trip to the beach.
Not that I couldn't or wouldn't do it anyway,
but I committed to it now. I'm no flip-flopper!
Still haven't thought of a reward when I finish my script.
I was thinking a pirate costume or a passport.
Maybe something else. idk?
My job people called. I'm still supposed to get jobs in.
Still waiting... I guess maybe next week?
Okay then, I'm in no hurry.
Are you prepared? To dive deep?
Don't try to hold your breath.
Don't try to do anything...
Let yourself sink.
Let go
_____________________________________________________
It wasn't me.
It wasn't what I said or how I said it.
It wasn't the way I spoke.
It wasn't my voice.
None of these things made you embrace your fear.
You pulled it up and you tried to strangle it.
My words only let you see it.
I revealed it to you and you pulled out your sword.
I made them quiver and you decided to slay your dragons.
To try to slay your dragons.
The dragons are weak while they lie in darkness.
They don't want to be seen, they fear the light.
But what I say is bright. It shines.
I shine. For I am a star.
So your dragons writhe, trying to escape.
And you, my dear, you panic.
For you do not know yourself.
You fear your own dragons.
But dear one, have you not heard me?
Do you not listen?
Dragons are not to be feared....
They are to be ridden.
They are not demons in hiding...
They are angels who haven't been allowed to see the light.
Shine your light...and you'll see them for what they are.
They are you.
They are you.
The abyss where they hide, where you haven't found yourself....
That is where hell is. It is inside of you.
I swear to you love, that once you carry your light there....
Once you tame them....and fear them not,
Those dragons will protect you.
And inside of you will become Heaven.
You are the light.
You are the light.
I have seen you in your glory.
And it is that which I will wait for.
Even for a thousand years.
I know you.
I will not abandon you,
Even as you try to slay the dragons inside you.
But remember...
The dragons are my friends too.
Because I love all of you.
All of you.
________________________________________________
God, I love myself.
I love everything.
I love my Toyota 4runner trd pro too.
We'll be together, me and you.
I'll wash you clean and drive youslow not too fast.
And we can explore the country together.
Dunlap, tomorrow.
to pay taxes and post a pay now or your out- eviction notice.
make sure no one bought the property next to our other
property. It's mine and I need it.
There's fairies and fae there! It's my responsibility
to make sure they are cared for.
I love that piece of land. I love all those trees.
I love that we'll be together.
me and you.
and my Toyota 4runner tdr pro
I'll have an art studio treehouse there
and a small cozy cabin with a loft
and a swing outside
and a large deck
I'll visit all the time.
okay, really now, going to go write a script
day 6 of 10
on page 75
actually going to make it to page 90 tonight
then bed, busy tomorrow....
talk to you later, dragon spirits
Know what I'm doing when my 90 days is up?
Planning a trip to the beach.
Not that I couldn't or wouldn't do it anyway,
but I committed to it now. I'm no flip-flopper!
Still haven't thought of a reward when I finish my script.
I was thinking a pirate costume or a passport.
Maybe something else. idk?
My job people called. I'm still supposed to get jobs in.
Still waiting... I guess maybe next week?
Okay then, I'm in no hurry.
Are you prepared? To dive deep?
Don't try to hold your breath.
Don't try to do anything...
Let yourself sink.
Let go
_____________________________________________________
It wasn't me.
It wasn't what I said or how I said it.
It wasn't the way I spoke.
It wasn't my voice.
None of these things made you embrace your fear.
You pulled it up and you tried to strangle it.
My words only let you see it.
I revealed it to you and you pulled out your sword.
I made them quiver and you decided to slay your dragons.
To try to slay your dragons.
The dragons are weak while they lie in darkness.
They don't want to be seen, they fear the light.
But what I say is bright. It shines.
I shine. For I am a star.
So your dragons writhe, trying to escape.
And you, my dear, you panic.
For you do not know yourself.
You fear your own dragons.
But dear one, have you not heard me?
Do you not listen?
Dragons are not to be feared....
They are to be ridden.
They are not demons in hiding...
They are angels who haven't been allowed to see the light.
Shine your light...and you'll see them for what they are.
They are you.
They are you.
The abyss where they hide, where you haven't found yourself....
That is where hell is. It is inside of you.
I swear to you love, that once you carry your light there....
Once you tame them....and fear them not,
Those dragons will protect you.
And inside of you will become Heaven.
You are the light.
You are the light.
I have seen you in your glory.
And it is that which I will wait for.
Even for a thousand years.
I know you.
I will not abandon you,
Even as you try to slay the dragons inside you.
But remember...
The dragons are my friends too.
Because I love all of you.
All of you.
________________________________________________
God, I love myself.
I love everything.
I love my Toyota 4runner trd pro too.
We'll be together, me and you.
I'll wash you clean and drive you
And we can explore the country together.
Dunlap, tomorrow.
to pay taxes and post a pay now or your out- eviction notice.
make sure no one bought the property next to our other
property. It's mine and I need it.
There's fairies and fae there! It's my responsibility
to make sure they are cared for.
I love that piece of land. I love all those trees.
I love that we'll be together.
me and you.
and my Toyota 4runner tdr pro
I'll have an art studio treehouse there
and a small cozy cabin with a loft
and a swing outside
and a large deck
I'll visit all the time.
okay, really now, going to go write a script
day 6 of 10
on page 75
actually going to make it to page 90 tonight
then bed, busy tomorrow....
talk to you later, dragon spirits
Wednesday, January 24, 2018
2:30am rant
Stardate 50 and 1/2
If I just speak it aloud, I would get exactly what I ask for.
There's a rushing river going through me right now and I
could manifest anything at the moment.
Why do I get energy highs at 2:30 at night.
how am I going to sleep like this?
oh wait...I might actually get to meditate
um yeah!
oh, correction on the script.
I only made it to page 72 last night.
and well, tonight I got to page 75
yeah, I know. but I'm zooming right now
no idea why
I had like 5 realizations in the last hour
this flowing shit just got real
holy crap
I might be a different person tomorrow!!
WHEEEeeeEEEeeeeeeeEEee!!!!!
I 'might' see you tomorrow ???
_______________________________________
I want a new 4runner tdr pro
that will be at my house
If I just speak it aloud, I would get exactly what I ask for.
There's a rushing river going through me right now and I
could manifest anything at the moment.
Why do I get energy highs at 2:30 at night.
how am I going to sleep like this?
oh wait...I might actually get to meditate
um yeah!
oh, correction on the script.
I only made it to page 72 last night.
and well, tonight I got to page 75
yeah, I know. but I'm zooming right now
no idea why
I had like 5 realizations in the last hour
this flowing shit just got real
holy crap
I might be a different person tomorrow!!
WHEEEeeeEEEeeeeeeeEEee!!!!!
I 'might' see you tomorrow ???
_______________________________________
I want a new 4runner tdr pro
I think I talk too much about writing
Day 50!!!
That's a nice big round number.
It's like getting a high five just for being yourself.
I like this one too. It didn't take nearly as long as the dragon, but it looks quite fantastic, eh?
Know what else I love....?
My future relation-ship v v v v v
maybe not such an aggressive tire...
So how is everyone doing? Are you happy? Excited?
I'm excited.
Today is day 5 of 10 of script writing.
I'm on page.... 75!!!! Boo-ya!
I'm only a few pages short of being perfectly lined up with the outline structure.
Awesome! Less work to do later.
I'm aiming for page 90 tonight.
I'm sure there are other things going on in the world, but right now I'm writing
so I really don't know what those things are.
I do know I have to take the oldest to their stuff tomorrow. Not sure what I'll do
to pass the time. ? ? Maybe think up a third animation movie. I kinda need 3 before
I hunt down an agent. I have ideas, but they seem too complicated to be made for
a younger crowd. --- Need box office type films, not strait to DVD hoopla.
It'll come to me.
The Fox Prince came about because of a different book title (The Prince of Foxes, never read it)
I had two ideas, but simply fell in love with the one I went with, so I went this direction with it.
I could always make the other one, but I'd need a new title. (It's a Disney worthy story though)
It's about two brothers.
Victory came about because of some tv show. Don't even know what it was, but
they gave their contestants like 5 or 6 words and they had to come up with a story
idea in like 5 hours to present to the judges. I came up with Victory (using their
5 or 6 words) during the commercial break. The contestants ideas all sucked. I wrote
a whole movie in my head in five minutes.
It'll need tweaked a bit when I start on the board for it, because it feels too little kid-ish.
I need to primal it up a bit, but not so much that kids cry or get scared.
There's a fox in it too, lol.
I'd like to see a movie about The Lion King prequel... like with Mufasa and Scar when they were cubs and what happened to destroy their relationship and make Scar so angry inside.
Problem is, how do you end that on a bad note?
I could gather up info on a dream someone had and make that into a movie. It's Studio Ghibli worthy. But it's not my story, it's theirs and they are sure to want a cut of the profits.
Same thing with ElfQuest...will someone please write a script for that! I want to watch it.
Otherwise I only have 2 horror flicks (like Final Destination type films)
One science fiction movie
and one television/netflix series.
______________________________________________
there's no way to tell you what you'll find
no way to lead you through the brambles
no way to hold your hand in the darkness
no way to light your way on this journey
but I'll be there at the end
I'll hold the light for you
I'll carry your burdens
I'll catch your tears
your feet will have to walk alone
your dreams will grow slowly
your fears will slip away
your hopes will rise like the sun
and I'll be there when you finish
I'll be holding your heart
I'll welcome you back
I'll take your hand
let us become real
become alive
become like lightning
and strike out the pain
smother the darkness
and send the scavengers to flight
let us thrive
let us rise like fire
and carry ourselves home
______________________________________________
Want to play a game?
This is a great game when other people are being stubborn.
It's called the Honesty Game.
Rules:
1) Each person has to be completely honest
2) The other players can not show any kind of response to whatever is said.
3) Whoever shows a response loses.
Here's how it goes.
First, initiate the game by stating that you're playing the honesty game.
Rehearse the rules to make sure the other knows how to play
First player goes...like this...
"To be completely honest, _________________________________" (fill in the blank)
for example: and this is just an example that I could think of. I can't remember what we discussed the last time we played this game.
{{{ "To be completely honest, I don't think you are communicating on an adult level."
Second player can not respond in any angry, sad, whiny way, or they LOSE
Then second player goes...
"To be completely honest, I can't help it if you don't understand what I'm saying."
first player can not respond in any way.
Then first player goes again (or third player if you have more)
"To be completely honest, maybe we should take some time and communicate more."
then the other
"To be completely honest, maybe we could do that if you weren't watching tv all day."
then sometimes other people join in, yeah, because this game gets really fun the longer you continue.
"To be completely honest, you both need a vacation away from me."
then someone else.
"To be completely honest, I'd take a vacation if I didn't have to spend so much money on you."
then ..
"To be completely honest, you spend more money on yourself than them."
then "To be completely honest, actually you spend more money than all of us combined."
then. "To be completely honest, I wouldn't do that if I had someone to communicate with."}}}
It gets funny after awhile. Everyone laughs.
this lets you argue or vent your frustrations without any chance of a tantrum
or whoever does it LOSES!
It's actually kind of fun. Try it, tell me what you think.
________________________________________________________
Maybe tomorrow we'll go deep.
I think you can handle me taking you into the abyss.
It's dark, until you realize that darkness is just light moving faster or slower than you.
Come with me.
You'll lose something
But you'll also gain something
Do you accept?
That's a nice big round number.
It's like getting a high five just for being yourself.
I like this one too. It didn't take nearly as long as the dragon, but it looks quite fantastic, eh?
Know what else I love....?
My future relation-ship v v v v v
maybe not such an aggressive tire...
So how is everyone doing? Are you happy? Excited?
I'm excited.
Today is day 5 of 10 of script writing.
I'm on page.... 75!!!! Boo-ya!
I'm only a few pages short of being perfectly lined up with the outline structure.
Awesome! Less work to do later.
I'm aiming for page 90 tonight.
I'm sure there are other things going on in the world, but right now I'm writing
so I really don't know what those things are.
I do know I have to take the oldest to their stuff tomorrow. Not sure what I'll do
to pass the time. ? ? Maybe think up a third animation movie. I kinda need 3 before
I hunt down an agent. I have ideas, but they seem too complicated to be made for
a younger crowd. --- Need box office type films, not strait to DVD hoopla.
It'll come to me.
The Fox Prince came about because of a different book title (The Prince of Foxes, never read it)
I had two ideas, but simply fell in love with the one I went with, so I went this direction with it.
I could always make the other one, but I'd need a new title. (It's a Disney worthy story though)
It's about two brothers.
Victory came about because of some tv show. Don't even know what it was, but
they gave their contestants like 5 or 6 words and they had to come up with a story
idea in like 5 hours to present to the judges. I came up with Victory (using their
5 or 6 words) during the commercial break. The contestants ideas all sucked. I wrote
a whole movie in my head in five minutes.
It'll need tweaked a bit when I start on the board for it, because it feels too little kid-ish.
I need to primal it up a bit, but not so much that kids cry or get scared.
There's a fox in it too, lol.
I'd like to see a movie about The Lion King prequel... like with Mufasa and Scar when they were cubs and what happened to destroy their relationship and make Scar so angry inside.
Problem is, how do you end that on a bad note?
I could gather up info on a dream someone had and make that into a movie. It's Studio Ghibli worthy. But it's not my story, it's theirs and they are sure to want a cut of the profits.
Same thing with ElfQuest...will someone please write a script for that! I want to watch it.
Otherwise I only have 2 horror flicks (like Final Destination type films)
One science fiction movie
and one television/netflix series.
______________________________________________
there's no way to tell you what you'll find
no way to lead you through the brambles
no way to hold your hand in the darkness
no way to light your way on this journey
but I'll be there at the end
I'll hold the light for you
I'll carry your burdens
I'll catch your tears
your feet will have to walk alone
your dreams will grow slowly
your fears will slip away
your hopes will rise like the sun
and I'll be there when you finish
I'll be holding your heart
I'll welcome you back
I'll take your hand
let us become real
become alive
become like lightning
and strike out the pain
smother the darkness
and send the scavengers to flight
let us thrive
let us rise like fire
and carry ourselves home
______________________________________________
Want to play a game?
This is a great game when other people are being stubborn.
It's called the Honesty Game.
Rules:
1) Each person has to be completely honest
2) The other players can not show any kind of response to whatever is said.
3) Whoever shows a response loses.
Here's how it goes.
First, initiate the game by stating that you're playing the honesty game.
Rehearse the rules to make sure the other knows how to play
First player goes...like this...
"To be completely honest, _________________________________" (fill in the blank)
for example: and this is just an example that I could think of. I can't remember what we discussed the last time we played this game.
{{{ "To be completely honest, I don't think you are communicating on an adult level."
Second player can not respond in any angry, sad, whiny way, or they LOSE
Then second player goes...
"To be completely honest, I can't help it if you don't understand what I'm saying."
first player can not respond in any way.
Then first player goes again (or third player if you have more)
"To be completely honest, maybe we should take some time and communicate more."
then the other
"To be completely honest, maybe we could do that if you weren't watching tv all day."
then sometimes other people join in, yeah, because this game gets really fun the longer you continue.
"To be completely honest, you both need a vacation away from me."
then someone else.
"To be completely honest, I'd take a vacation if I didn't have to spend so much money on you."
then ..
"To be completely honest, you spend more money on yourself than them."
then "To be completely honest, actually you spend more money than all of us combined."
then. "To be completely honest, I wouldn't do that if I had someone to communicate with."}}}
It gets funny after awhile. Everyone laughs.
this lets you argue or vent your frustrations without any chance of a tantrum
or whoever does it LOSES!
It's actually kind of fun. Try it, tell me what you think.
________________________________________________________
Maybe tomorrow we'll go deep.
I think you can handle me taking you into the abyss.
It's dark, until you realize that darkness is just light moving faster or slower than you.
Come with me.
You'll lose something
But you'll also gain something
Do you accept?
Tuesday, January 23, 2018
This flowing....will wipe you out, get out of my way!!!
Day 49
I'm ready to throw someone off a cliff.
I'm am so freaking done.
Time to do the thing.
-- I'm gonna do it myyyyyyy way!!! --
like that song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E2hYDIFDIU
Look what I found... I'm going to post this everywhere, so I can see it all the time...
then I will see it all the time in my driveway.
at the store.
wherever I go
in the garage
on my way to California
the beach
in my front yard, while I wash it
up at my cabin
My first sold script will result in this beautiful creature. ^ ^ ^ ^
I don't care what anyone else thinks about it either.
I'll pay the credit cards off first if I still have any owed on. Calm down. I am sane.
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Know what else I love..... this
my beautiful dragon.
He brings me magic and insight and fortune. I'm glad I spent time on however the hell long it took to paint him. I wouldn't sell him for $5000 .... but $10,000...and we'll talk
So... becoming whole.
The car is going in the fucking shop by the end of the week
I do not fucking care what anyone says.
I don't care where it goes, I don't care how it gets there. I don't care how much it costs.
and I might go buy another vehicle for the fun of it. fuck yeah.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many times that fucking Murano has been fixed.
The tally marks will be posted on the back hatch, in permanent marker.
Eventually it will be covered in tally marks..then I will send that photo to the Nissan dealer
for spite.
not to mention, everyone else will see these tally marks
and words describing 'how many times I've needed repairs'
and it's name - Hello, my name is....'Neverbuyanissan'
It will be spectacular.
that's right. I'm not getting played without being able to play along too.
Day 4 of 10 of script writing.
I'm on page 55!!!
that's almost half way (have to do a 120 age script or so)
Good news is the structure outline is almost exactly where it needs to be, I will only have to tweak it a little bit to be perfect. It's beautiful.
I'm starting late tonight though, so my goal is to make it to page 65
I really want a little bit of meditating time before bed, where I'm not tired.
______________________
Aah!!! I'm eager to get shit done but it's 9:30pm
I can write....or go paint a wall.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You know where I'll be
see you tomorrow my fuzzy pineapple apple pens of luxury BMW floating ice cube parties!
I'm ready to throw someone off a cliff.
I'm am so freaking done.
Time to do the thing.
-- I'm gonna do it myyyyyyy way!!! --
like that song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E2hYDIFDIU
Look what I found... I'm going to post this everywhere, so I can see it all the time...
then I will see it all the time in my driveway.
at the store.
wherever I go
in the garage
on my way to California
the beach
in my front yard, while I wash it
up at my cabin
My first sold script will result in this beautiful creature. ^ ^ ^ ^
I don't care what anyone else thinks about it either.
I'll pay the credit cards off first if I still have any owed on. Calm down. I am sane.
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Know what else I love..... this
He brings me magic and insight and fortune. I'm glad I spent time on however the hell long it took to paint him. I wouldn't sell him for $5000 .... but $10,000...and we'll talk
So... becoming whole.
The car is going in the fucking shop by the end of the week
I do not fucking care what anyone says.
I don't care where it goes, I don't care how it gets there. I don't care how much it costs.
and I might go buy another vehicle for the fun of it. fuck yeah.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many times that fucking Murano has been fixed.
The tally marks will be posted on the back hatch, in permanent marker.
Eventually it will be covered in tally marks..then I will send that photo to the Nissan dealer
for spite.
not to mention, everyone else will see these tally marks
and words describing 'how many times I've needed repairs'
and it's name - Hello, my name is....'Neverbuyanissan'
It will be spectacular.
Day 4 of 10 of script writing.
I'm on page 55!!!
that's almost half way (have to do a 120 age script or so)
Good news is the structure outline is almost exactly where it needs to be, I will only have to tweak it a little bit to be perfect. It's beautiful.
I'm starting late tonight though, so my goal is to make it to page 65
I really want a little bit of meditating time before bed, where I'm not tired.
______________________
Aah!!! I'm eager to get shit done but it's 9:30pm
I can write....or go paint a wall.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You know where I'll be
see you tomorrow my fuzzy pineapple apple pens of luxury BMW floating ice cube parties!
Monday, January 22, 2018
Rewards...like rewords.
Day 48
I'm trying to remember why I decided to write this blog for 90 days.
Then again...it is 11am and I got up at 9am to take the oldest out to do work paperwork
I went to bed at 3...am ish
I did it though....made it to page 34... hell's yeah! I may have made it to 25 by midnight
but thinking I'd continue further deleted 2 and 1/2 hours from my time account.
Today will be day 3 of 10 of script writing.
Do you realize how funny it is trying to write a funny scene...and you re-read it and it's even funnier.
You're going to like Zen. :)
No jobs posted for the job I supposedly have. ?? *shrugs
I keep checking the website...but still nothing
that's fine, I'm okay with that
wait...am I supposed to get a reward for writing this blog for 90 days??
not that I need a reason to treat myself well....
okay...I went to get my 90 day list...all of which I'm still working on
Ends March 5th. My birthday.
I don't think I have a reward set up... hmmm. I need a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, right?
unless you're smart and know the rainbows are orbs...you only see the top half if it's on the ground...
the gold is the center...the bending of the light to where it radiates outward.
It's has to do with the earth's magnetic fields. Don't believe everything you read on wikipedia...it's more than just light refraction of water droplets.(because if you know anything about real science, that is just a piece of the more elaborate truth)
I guess I should start thinking on this .... maybe I don't need a reward, but maybe a fun surprise would be more to my liking. I'm a simple person sometimes. I'll think about it.
do I get a reward for finishing this script too?! hold the phone!
____________________________________________________________
.....I really don't feel like writing the rest of this,
I kinda just want to get started working on my script again...
so, cutting it short.
If I think of something else to say, I'll make another post or something.
Now...
Will I get to page 50...? I am starting an hour earlier....
Oh, and just for further reminders to myself....
next time I do an outline - freaking add the dialogue with it!!
I'm going to have to flip through index cards to see if the dialogue I did write
so far is even close to my original thoughts when I go back and edit. argh.
I'm trying to remember why I decided to write this blog for 90 days.
Then again...it is 11am and I got up at 9am to take the oldest out to do work paperwork
I went to bed at 3...am ish
I did it though....made it to page 34... hell's yeah! I may have made it to 25 by midnight
but thinking I'd continue further deleted 2 and 1/2 hours from my time account.
Today will be day 3 of 10 of script writing.
Do you realize how funny it is trying to write a funny scene...and you re-read it and it's even funnier.
You're going to like Zen. :)
No jobs posted for the job I supposedly have. ?? *shrugs
I keep checking the website...but still nothing
that's fine, I'm okay with that
wait...am I supposed to get a reward for writing this blog for 90 days??
not that I need a reason to treat myself well....
okay...I went to get my 90 day list...all of which I'm still working on
Ends March 5th. My birthday.
I don't think I have a reward set up... hmmm. I need a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, right?
unless you're smart and know the rainbows are orbs...you only see the top half if it's on the ground...
the gold is the center...the bending of the light to where it radiates outward.
It's has to do with the earth's magnetic fields. Don't believe everything you read on wikipedia...it's more than just light refraction of water droplets.(because if you know anything about real science, that is just a piece of the more elaborate truth)
I guess I should start thinking on this .... maybe I don't need a reward, but maybe a fun surprise would be more to my liking. I'm a simple person sometimes. I'll think about it.
do I get a reward for finishing this script too?! hold the phone!
____________________________________________________________
.....I really don't feel like writing the rest of this,
I kinda just want to get started working on my script again...
so, cutting it short.
If I think of something else to say, I'll make another post or something.
Now...
Will I get to page 50...? I am starting an hour earlier....
Oh, and just for further reminders to myself....
next time I do an outline - freaking add the dialogue with it!!
I'm going to have to flip through index cards to see if the dialogue I did write
so far is even close to my original thoughts when I go back and edit. argh.
Sunday, January 21, 2018
um, just no today
Day 47
85%
Day 2 of 10 script writing....
I made it to page 18 last night.
Funny how time just disappears when you write... I was writing till 2:30am...
and yeah, I still meditated after that, ha!
Supposed to start that job this week. ??
It's 65 degrees outside. This is awesome. Going for a walk outdoors for once.
okay...walking for once. Dude, it's been cold. I don't do cold.
maybe somewhere else?
movie with dinner?
heck. I'm open to spontaneity.
yeah...so we watched SpiderMan Homecoming.
funnier than the other spidermans
Um...
nothing else to say...
it's 9:20pm and I need to go write that script!
hopefully make it to page 30...that'd be 12 pages, however I'd be more pleased with 15 pages.
sometime before midnight would be preferred.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
not sure if it's funny because I don't think it's plausible, or because I think it's impossible.
get that? ;)
it is possible....surely.
85%
Day 2 of 10 script writing....
I made it to page 18 last night.
Funny how time just disappears when you write... I was writing till 2:30am...
and yeah, I still meditated after that, ha!
Supposed to start that job this week. ??
It's 65 degrees outside. This is awesome. Going for a walk outdoors for once.
okay...walking for once. Dude, it's been cold. I don't do cold.
maybe somewhere else?
movie with dinner?
heck. I'm open to spontaneity.
yeah...so we watched SpiderMan Homecoming.
funnier than the other spidermans
Um...
nothing else to say...
it's 9:20pm and I need to go write that script!
hopefully make it to page 30...that'd be 12 pages, however I'd be more pleased with 15 pages.
sometime before midnight would be preferred.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
not sure if it's funny because I don't think it's plausible, or because I think it's impossible.
get that? ;)
it is possible....surely.
Saturday, January 20, 2018
Flight of Passage....flowing feels like that
Day 46
85%
been on the computer too long already....
but now I'm watching a video...
and I'll be writing a script later....
I made it to page 6 last night....but I need to add some things to it.
so yeah....
if I can get 10-12 pages per day for 10 days...I'll be finished in 10 days...
that'll get me 120 page script....but I'm pretty sure I'll go over that and then need to go back and cut some things... these 10 days are not going to include editing/cutting/all that other stuff afterthefact.
need to go do something....eh....winter ruts.
I dreamt of waiting in line at Disney for Flight of Passage..... It hasn't even been 3 months since we were there....and I'm thinking it's too soon to consider going back. What the heck....you'd think I'd have something else exciting to plan. But no...I don't. Writing a script....and then 2 more...my only plans...and waiting to figure out what the heck I'm supposed to do with this job I supposedly have, but haven't started yet.
Still haven't considered what I'm going to do with ShadowDragon Dreams either. I have a $$ roster from the past years I actually kept track of how much I made (not including fabric costs)
2008 = $6450
2010 = $10452
2012 = $13882
2014 = $18794 (and you wondered how we paid the mortgage....)
2016 = $9999
2017 = $6703
2018 = $0
so what happened here...
facebook and etsy decided they wanted more money and in order for people to find you, you had to pay to advertise...let's not let your facebook people see you unless you pay us bullshit.
So...back where I started...but making harder shit. Not happening again.
I'd rather make easier shit....if I decided to make anything at all.
But no....people want Disney stuff....and not simple stuff. So..... I'm currently still happy to not be sewing. The back of my mind keeps popping up with reminders that I could make $300 today if I just said yes to it.... but... I know what happens and I don't like the results.
gonna deal with this.... so it stops popping up
Let's meditate on it for a sec...hang on....
The answer is no.
If you have to justify it.....lose it.
and I have to justify a lot regarding this issue.
so there's your answer.
Goodbye.
Okay...that was fun clearing out....what else???
I like this flowing energy stuff!!! So easy!
Do I even have any other issues? haha....I have issues alright... but no problems.
the car... fixing or replacing.... waiting to get fixing prices from some other place.
I'll let you know Monday.
what else....what else....? ? ? ? hmmmm
I keep looking for things to solve, but I don't have anything, lol
_____________________________________________________
So where does this energy (Inner G) want to flow?
I know the answer, but I can't really explain it. Not even to myself, much less commoners.
I can elaborate using visuals....maybe...
It wants that experience you get when you ride Flight of Passage for the first time.
It wants expanse. Like sunsets and the wind in the dessert. The ocean waves and tall tall trees hidden deep in the forest. It wants to be moved.
It wants love stories, and adventure stories. It wants magic and mysticism. It wants pulled.
It wants pushed. It wants to dance and flow and ripple. It wants to feel.
and in what way do we give it what it wants?? how?
doesn't matter how....you don't even have to ask how.
but ....the answer in small steps...
write - paint - build - explore - play - learn
you don't even have to travel, but you could
want to see what shows up for a 'next step' ...
hang on, I'll meditate on it...
uuuuhhhh....
well..... it wants me to write that script so it can 'watch' it...
in other words....when I'm writing the script it can replay the scene in my mind
and watch it...like movie....and then it can correct it if it wants to make it better...
It wants to feel the characters emotions. Like when...... oh ho ho ho....not telling!!
But in my first 6 pages....lets just say that it might make some people cry.
Depending what type of music they put with it....definitely.
It's horribly sad in the beginning, so I'm not so sure Disney would buy it....but I'm technically writing it for Studio Ghibli....so.....
Then again....Disney did kill Mufasa and Bambi's mother... no one died in mine...yet.
I have a chance. Victory is a much more friendlier movie....at the moment anyway.
___________________________________________________
Financial Feng-Shui
Abundance, wealth, and prosperity have been blessed upon us.
All is well.
These things are taking care of themselves.
All I did was make the pathway clear for the energy to flow through to them...
and well... it is working.
Once I finish that Tree book, Ill do one on Financial Feng-shui....or the chakra one. Tree book still needs interviews done...and I haven't done them yet. :P ...and a good read through to see if I want to add/subtract anything.
I want to paint something....but I can't find any reference pictures.
I actually have a whole set of something I want to paint... and a picture of someone...
maybe I'll do that tonight if I'm not writing. I'm going to try to make it to page 15.
Although page 20 would be much better. We shall see...
Nothing else happening, but we are going to go do something tomorrow.
oh...my dash to get it done so I won't have to do it later list....ummmm
1) dinner
2) visualize.....meditation for the win!
3) write script Day 1 of 10
4) plan something to do tomorrow (plan or spontaneous, I really don't care)
5) second coat of paint on wall
6) check mail and watch a netflix movie if we got one in!
7) do something with Teir to keep him off of computer
that's enough....going now....almost time to cook something.
later pop cakes of marmalade and fusion juice. Don't forget to slice your apples and dot your q's.
85%
been on the computer too long already....
but now I'm watching a video...
and I'll be writing a script later....
I made it to page 6 last night....but I need to add some things to it.
so yeah....
if I can get 10-12 pages per day for 10 days...I'll be finished in 10 days...
that'll get me 120 page script....but I'm pretty sure I'll go over that and then need to go back and cut some things... these 10 days are not going to include editing/cutting/all that other stuff afterthefact.
need to go do something....eh....winter ruts.
I dreamt of waiting in line at Disney for Flight of Passage..... It hasn't even been 3 months since we were there....and I'm thinking it's too soon to consider going back. What the heck....you'd think I'd have something else exciting to plan. But no...I don't. Writing a script....and then 2 more...my only plans...and waiting to figure out what the heck I'm supposed to do with this job I supposedly have, but haven't started yet.
Still haven't considered what I'm going to do with ShadowDragon Dreams either. I have a $$ roster from the past years I actually kept track of how much I made (not including fabric costs)
2008 = $6450
2010 = $10452
2012 = $13882
2014 = $18794 (and you wondered how we paid the mortgage....)
2016 = $9999
2017 = $6703
2018 = $0
so what happened here...
facebook and etsy decided they wanted more money and in order for people to find you, you had to pay to advertise...let's not let your facebook people see you unless you pay us bullshit.
So...back where I started...but making harder shit. Not happening again.
I'd rather make easier shit....if I decided to make anything at all.
But no....people want Disney stuff....and not simple stuff. So..... I'm currently still happy to not be sewing. The back of my mind keeps popping up with reminders that I could make $300 today if I just said yes to it.... but... I know what happens and I don't like the results.
gonna deal with this.... so it stops popping up
Let's meditate on it for a sec...hang on....
The answer is no.
If you have to justify it.....lose it.
and I have to justify a lot regarding this issue.
so there's your answer.
Goodbye.
Okay...that was fun clearing out....what else???
I like this flowing energy stuff!!! So easy!
Do I even have any other issues? haha....I have issues alright... but no problems.
the car... fixing or replacing.... waiting to get fixing prices from some other place.
I'll let you know Monday.
what else....what else....? ? ? ? hmmmm
I keep looking for things to solve, but I don't have anything, lol
_____________________________________________________
So where does this energy (Inner G) want to flow?
I know the answer, but I can't really explain it. Not even to myself, much less commoners.
I can elaborate using visuals....maybe...
It wants that experience you get when you ride Flight of Passage for the first time.
It wants expanse. Like sunsets and the wind in the dessert. The ocean waves and tall tall trees hidden deep in the forest. It wants to be moved.
It wants love stories, and adventure stories. It wants magic and mysticism. It wants pulled.
It wants pushed. It wants to dance and flow and ripple. It wants to feel.
and in what way do we give it what it wants?? how?
doesn't matter how....you don't even have to ask how.
but ....the answer in small steps...
write - paint - build - explore - play - learn
you don't even have to travel, but you could
want to see what shows up for a 'next step' ...
hang on, I'll meditate on it...
uuuuhhhh....
well..... it wants me to write that script so it can 'watch' it...
in other words....when I'm writing the script it can replay the scene in my mind
and watch it...like movie....and then it can correct it if it wants to make it better...
It wants to feel the characters emotions. Like when...... oh ho ho ho....not telling!!
But in my first 6 pages....lets just say that it might make some people cry.
Depending what type of music they put with it....definitely.
It's horribly sad in the beginning, so I'm not so sure Disney would buy it....but I'm technically writing it for Studio Ghibli....so.....
Then again....Disney did kill Mufasa and Bambi's mother... no one died in mine...yet.
I have a chance. Victory is a much more friendlier movie....at the moment anyway.
___________________________________________________
Financial Feng-Shui
Abundance, wealth, and prosperity have been blessed upon us.
All is well.
These things are taking care of themselves.
All I did was make the pathway clear for the energy to flow through to them...
and well... it is working.
Once I finish that Tree book, Ill do one on Financial Feng-shui....or the chakra one. Tree book still needs interviews done...and I haven't done them yet. :P ...and a good read through to see if I want to add/subtract anything.
I want to paint something....but I can't find any reference pictures.
I actually have a whole set of something I want to paint... and a picture of someone...
maybe I'll do that tonight if I'm not writing. I'm going to try to make it to page 15.
Although page 20 would be much better. We shall see...
Nothing else happening, but we are going to go do something tomorrow.
oh...my dash to get it done so I won't have to do it later list....ummmm
1) dinner
2) visualize.....meditation for the win!
3) write script Day 1 of 10
4) plan something to do tomorrow (plan or spontaneous, I really don't care)
5) second coat of paint on wall
6) check mail and watch a netflix movie if we got one in!
7) do something with Teir to keep him off of computer
that's enough....going now....almost time to cook something.
later pop cakes of marmalade and fusion juice. Don't forget to slice your apples and dot your q's.
Friday, January 19, 2018
A Whole in One.
Day 45 - this is the half way point!
75%, maybe 80% doing well
Level 27 - I get to fix or replace the car. yippee.
have a few things to run and do today...not even for myself....for the first-born
I'm also working on being whole....and maintaining a focused intent on attention.
yep. doing magic.
....
_______________________________________________
so there's this other one that showed up
which I knew was coming.....and now they are here.
that didn't take long....did I even get time to rest?
this would be the third
and they sent the rain....and now....
this is movement. flow. water. liquid.
Not like a scouring wash cycle....no
this is...flowing...like in pipes, through these newly formed tunnels.
I don't think this will be as harsh as the fire....
but there's a lot of work to do
there's a lot going to come through....
and we need to move it and let it flow without holding it back
without clogging the drain
without clinging
without damming the channels
don't let me drown.
don't let me drown.
time to water bend... and become a water-bender
this is naturally my forte.... but its been a long time
help me remember
_________________________________________________
I'm thinking I can write a script in ten days.
I had this weird thought....while meditating...
"Could I write it in 10 days?" and then it corrected me....
"Will you write it in 10 days?"
I don't see why not... I am a jedi.
I'm wondering what else I could do that sounds crazy now.
oh wait...I can do anything....I remember.
deciding what that is on the other hand....is why I have that list...
and why I roll a dice to choose for me... makes it easier.
I'm working on getting the vehicle fixed or replaced....but if I would just
choose a 10 day allotment to commit, I could write the whole script....
Once I start...everything is easy.... the force takes over and I'm just there,
I don't actually do anything other than allow my hands/head/skills to comply to the universe.
Starting however....why does this seem so difficult?
It's certainly not.
Why do I try to analyze the reasons why I could/should start? How stupid.
Time to cut that shit out. eh.
....ain't nobody got time fo dat.
I will comply. I will not resist.
Tomorrow..... equals - script writing day 1 of 10...
and no, it doesn't count against me if I start tonight :P
I'm a rebel.
..........
I liked that super dash 'do these things now so I won't have to do them later'
today's roster...not in any particular order....
1) watch my video
2) piano practice for those songs I learned but been too sick to play
3) paint that wall in the sewing room
4) dinner
5) visualize....meditation, baby. *thumbs up
....let's not go manifesting wrecks this time....
that's it....cause after that I'll start that script or watch more videos....
6) oh and watch a movie while painting....
7) plan something with kids this weekend....free stuff
75%, maybe 80% doing well
Level 27 - I get to fix or replace the car. yippee.
have a few things to run and do today...not even for myself....for the first-born
I'm also working on being whole....and maintaining a focused intent on attention.
yep. doing magic.
....
_______________________________________________
so there's this other one that showed up
which I knew was coming.....and now they are here.
that didn't take long....did I even get time to rest?
this would be the third
and they sent the rain....and now....
this is movement. flow. water. liquid.
Not like a scouring wash cycle....no
this is...flowing...like in pipes, through these newly formed tunnels.
I don't think this will be as harsh as the fire....
but there's a lot of work to do
there's a lot going to come through....
and we need to move it and let it flow without holding it back
without clogging the drain
without clinging
without damming the channels
don't let me drown.
don't let me drown.
time to water bend... and become a water-bender
this is naturally my forte.... but its been a long time
help me remember
_________________________________________________
I'm thinking I can write a script in ten days.
I had this weird thought....while meditating...
"Could I write it in 10 days?" and then it corrected me....
"Will you write it in 10 days?"
I don't see why not... I am a jedi.
I'm wondering what else I could do that sounds crazy now.
oh wait...I can do anything....I remember.
deciding what that is on the other hand....is why I have that list...
and why I roll a dice to choose for me... makes it easier.
I'm working on getting the vehicle fixed or replaced....but if I would just
choose a 10 day allotment to commit, I could write the whole script....
Once I start...everything is easy.... the force takes over and I'm just there,
I don't actually do anything other than allow my hands/head/skills to comply to the universe.
Starting however....why does this seem so difficult?
It's certainly not.
Why do I try to analyze the reasons why I could/should start? How stupid.
Time to cut that shit out. eh.
....ain't nobody got time fo dat.
I will comply. I will not resist.
Tomorrow..... equals - script writing day 1 of 10...
and no, it doesn't count against me if I start tonight :P
I'm a rebel.
..........
I liked that super dash 'do these things now so I won't have to do them later'
today's roster...not in any particular order....
1) watch my video
2) piano practice for those songs I learned but been too sick to play
3) paint that wall in the sewing room
4) dinner
5) visualize....meditation, baby. *thumbs up
....let's not go manifesting wrecks this time....
that's it....cause after that I'll start that script or watch more videos....
6) oh and watch a movie while painting....
7) plan something with kids this weekend....free stuff
Thursday, January 18, 2018
dashing through the night
Day 44
70% maybe a little more. This is so much better...
I got my new job stuff in the mail today, labels and keys!
I'm not sure if I find this exciting or terrifying.
What the heck am I doing working?
Then again....is it really work?
I'll be taking pictures of houses/buildings.
Getting spied on by nosy neighbors...
working alone....by myself, and getting paid per order.
sounds fun....though I'm not sure how many orders I'll be doing per day/week/month?
so long as I can still write scripts and do all this other stuff I could be doing....lol
...well, let's go, I'm ready! although being 100% would be recommended
and having an extra vehicle....oy vey!
how are you spending your time?
it's too expensive to waste it.
What are you doing that isn't in your best interests?
what time are you spending that isn't on something benefiting you?
have you spent any time on yourself?
you're too invaluable to ignore.
_______________________________________________
I'm preparing to go and get 5 things done once I'm finished writing here.
This is called....the 'get this stuff done and you won't have to do it later' dash.
What's on my agenda..?
1) roll the dice....yeah, the one to help me focus on a task for my level 27 list!
I wrote it out, but haven't gone in the craft room to roll my dice yet. I didn't put anything brave on it...whoops. Remind me to next time.... I'm brave to the extreme, just right now I'm still not 100%
2) clean the cat litter boxes....why is there not a better solution to this everyday problem?!
3) quick clean of the craft room....it's not really that bad
4) play 2 songs on guitar, so I don't forget how....
5) visualize....meditation baby.
that's it for now...I'm watching something and it's almost over...
gotta go.
70% maybe a little more. This is so much better...
I got my new job stuff in the mail today, labels and keys!
I'm not sure if I find this exciting or terrifying.
What the heck am I doing working?
Then again....is it really work?
I'll be taking pictures of houses/buildings.
Getting spied on by nosy neighbors...
working alone....by myself, and getting paid per order.
sounds fun....though I'm not sure how many orders I'll be doing per day/week/month?
so long as I can still write scripts and do all this other stuff I could be doing....lol
...well, let's go, I'm ready! although being 100% would be recommended
and having an extra vehicle....oy vey!
how are you spending your time?
it's too expensive to waste it.
What are you doing that isn't in your best interests?
what time are you spending that isn't on something benefiting you?
have you spent any time on yourself?
you're too invaluable to ignore.
_______________________________________________
I'm preparing to go and get 5 things done once I'm finished writing here.
This is called....the 'get this stuff done and you won't have to do it later' dash.
What's on my agenda..?
1) roll the dice....yeah, the one to help me focus on a task for my level 27 list!
I wrote it out, but haven't gone in the craft room to roll my dice yet. I didn't put anything brave on it...whoops. Remind me to next time.... I'm brave to the extreme, just right now I'm still not 100%
2) clean the cat litter boxes....why is there not a better solution to this everyday problem?!
3) quick clean of the craft room....it's not really that bad
4) play 2 songs on guitar, so I don't forget how....
5) visualize....meditation baby.
that's it for now...I'm watching something and it's almost over...
gotta go.
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Locked in
Day 43
60%
Today I slaughtered some limitations.
I'm now on level 27 of my list thing. Congrats to me!
New list will be created tonight/tomorrow
Final Draft won't work on the little laptop......*sigh
plan b, we write it on this one....without getting distracted.
tomorrow S's band and stuff....when is break time?
no fun snow, just a thin cold layer of icy nothingness
____________________________________________________
Limitations.... ha ha ha
I'm onto you. ...again....although I admit I forget all the damn time.
I decided today (again) that they don't exist.
This is so much easier, I must say.
Nothing is hard unless you make it that way.
Nothing is scary, unless you choose for it to be.
But today....we are choosing only the best.
The best choice. As if we could make a non best choice.
I don't know why I keep thinking living within this world's borders is the only choice.
I know it's not.
But I keep forgetting.
Perhaps my fever fried some brain cells.
I'm gonna go and live in the other world now (again).... this place is....not for me.
______________________________________________________
Thinking dh's dr. grew a brain.....let's hope
I have plans and need him to comply.
Like Switzerland and Fiji, and a few National Parks.
And this place....
https://www.facebook.com/PeterHollensMusic/videos/1082465955139067/
60%
Today I slaughtered some limitations.
I'm now on level 27 of my list thing. Congrats to me!
New list will be created tonight/tomorrow
Final Draft won't work on the little laptop......*sigh
plan b, we write it on this one....without getting distracted.
tomorrow S's band and stuff....when is break time?
no fun snow, just a thin cold layer of icy nothingness
____________________________________________________
Limitations.... ha ha ha
I'm onto you. ...again....although I admit I forget all the damn time.
I decided today (again) that they don't exist.
This is so much easier, I must say.
Nothing is hard unless you make it that way.
Nothing is scary, unless you choose for it to be.
But today....we are choosing only the best.
The best choice. As if we could make a non best choice.
I don't know why I keep thinking living within this world's borders is the only choice.
I know it's not.
But I keep forgetting.
Perhaps my fever fried some brain cells.
I'm gonna go and live in the other world now (again).... this place is....not for me.
______________________________________________________
Thinking dh's dr. grew a brain.....let's hope
I have plans and need him to comply.
Like Switzerland and Fiji, and a few National Parks.
And this place....
https://www.facebook.com/PeterHollensMusic/videos/1082465955139067/
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Life is King
Day 42
still lingering around 55%
at times it feels like things are realigning...at others, not so much.
can we choose right now not to be a volcano again?
This evolving crap is not doing a body good....soul maybe, but not body.
It's snowing outside!!! YAY! For once!
I'm going to wait it out and look at it again later to see if it really turns out great.
It'll either be 'Surprise! Lots of SNOW!' or mostly gone and 'oh, no more snow'
Got w-2 in today too, which I will take a stab at that here in a bit
listening to Kyle Cease right now
Awaiting inspector people to get in touch with me.
Maybe there's no jobs here? Which is fine...it's too cold and I'm sick anyway at the moment.
I have a potential art mural painting job set up.
I also have 3 people wanting sewing stuff. Fine and all, but I'm on hiatus with that. It's when I get the itch to sew something....sewing I don't mind...I mind appliques however.
Hoping I'll feel up to writing tomorrow or sometimes this week.
I have a script to write.
If my spine wasn't hurting to hell and back this would sound so damn appealing...
or if I had a cabana on a warm beach in Fiji...that would suffice too.
argh...nevermind...looks like I have to wait until SSA sends tax paperwork
but assuming we don't have to pay taxes on stuff already taxed...we'll get back $1010
maybe that will fix the car.....not
it will pay taxes and insurance on the other house though
no one else seems to be paying it.....hrrrmmm.
ahhh the joys of dilemma's I fucking love it.
Going to bed soon. Goodnight bumper babies of banana shrooms and chocolate sauce of fudge.
oooohhh.....fudge.... *drool
______________________________________________________
So, day 42, the meaning of life.
the meaning of life....
= the realization of seeing one's self through/in life.
let me theorize.
the recognition of seeing a part of yourself mirrored in or through another person or object.
the act of the feeling of knowing you are in/of the other.
the unity of being one with all that is.
life is the process of realizing such.
or not....
better to not know actually.
like talking to angels, or planets, or gods, or seraphim.....
sometimes it's just better to choose the one to cling to.
Resort yourself to the highest King, instead of mingling with all the commoners, counselors, or kingsmen. They each have their specialties and needs.....but the King knows all.
still lingering around 55%
at times it feels like things are realigning...at others, not so much.
can we choose right now not to be a volcano again?
This evolving crap is not doing a body good....soul maybe, but not body.
It's snowing outside!!! YAY! For once!
I'm going to wait it out and look at it again later to see if it really turns out great.
It'll either be 'Surprise! Lots of SNOW!' or mostly gone and 'oh, no more snow'
Got w-2 in today too, which I will take a stab at that here in a bit
listening to Kyle Cease right now
Awaiting inspector people to get in touch with me.
Maybe there's no jobs here? Which is fine...it's too cold and I'm sick anyway at the moment.
I have a potential art mural painting job set up.
I also have 3 people wanting sewing stuff. Fine and all, but I'm on hiatus with that. It's when I get the itch to sew something....sewing I don't mind...I mind appliques however.
Hoping I'll feel up to writing tomorrow or sometimes this week.
I have a script to write.
If my spine wasn't hurting to hell and back this would sound so damn appealing...
or if I had a cabana on a warm beach in Fiji...that would suffice too.
argh...nevermind...looks like I have to wait until SSA sends tax paperwork
but assuming we don't have to pay taxes on stuff already taxed...we'll get back $1010
maybe that will fix the car.....not
it will pay taxes and insurance on the other house though
no one else seems to be paying it.....hrrrmmm.
ahhh the joys of dilemma's I fucking love it.
Going to bed soon. Goodnight bumper babies of banana shrooms and chocolate sauce of fudge.
oooohhh.....fudge.... *drool
______________________________________________________
So, day 42, the meaning of life.
the meaning of life....
= the realization of seeing one's self through/in life.
let me theorize.
the recognition of seeing a part of yourself mirrored in or through another person or object.
the act of the feeling of knowing you are in/of the other.
the unity of being one with all that is.
life is the process of realizing such.
or not....
better to not know actually.
like talking to angels, or planets, or gods, or seraphim.....
sometimes it's just better to choose the one to cling to.
Resort yourself to the highest King, instead of mingling with all the commoners, counselors, or kingsmen. They each have their specialties and needs.....but the King knows all.
Monday, January 15, 2018
inspecting the truth
Day 41
55% improving, albeit slowly.
Got a bunch of emails from the inspector peoples, looks like I'll be doing something for money soon
assuming I can figure out what I'm doing, ha
I'll need to log on and review stuff tomorrow and figure out what then heck I'm looking at.
They'll probably call, great, hope it won't be too early
Skylar's band concert was today, it was good for beginner band.
Didn't do much else today, too exhausted.
I need to go meditate and uncover some answers relating to future plannings.
Like for a vehicle, some cash, a dose of cure, and eviction proceedings up yonder.
Hoping tax w-2 will get in soon, that'd give me something to do for 30 minutes.
and probably $30 to pay on that bill I'm working on paying off.
Supposed to snow tomorrow. We'll see if it amounts to anything spectacular.
I'd feel much more excited about this stuff if I weren't ailing in the aftershocks of sickness.
okay, so I reviewed the inspection website videos....looks easy enough.
No jobs posted in my search area though. That's good.
To bed I go, maybe tomorrow I'll learn something new and feel better. :P
55% improving, albeit slowly.
Got a bunch of emails from the inspector peoples, looks like I'll be doing something for money soon
assuming I can figure out what I'm doing, ha
I'll need to log on and review stuff tomorrow and figure out what then heck I'm looking at.
They'll probably call, great, hope it won't be too early
Skylar's band concert was today, it was good for beginner band.
Didn't do much else today, too exhausted.
I need to go meditate and uncover some answers relating to future plannings.
Like for a vehicle, some cash, a dose of cure, and eviction proceedings up yonder.
Hoping tax w-2 will get in soon, that'd give me something to do for 30 minutes.
and probably $30 to pay on that bill I'm working on paying off.
Supposed to snow tomorrow. We'll see if it amounts to anything spectacular.
I'd feel much more excited about this stuff if I weren't ailing in the aftershocks of sickness.
okay, so I reviewed the inspection website videos....looks easy enough.
No jobs posted in my search area though. That's good.
To bed I go, maybe tomorrow I'll learn something new and feel better. :P
Sunday, January 14, 2018
not much
Day 40
that was fast, already day 40...almost half way through
which leads me to 50%....maybe slightly less.
instead of on the cusp of dying, I'm on the cusp of living
just barely
like a zombie who got bitten by a radioactive spider....there's some hope here.
watched The Dark Tower, it was ok.
band concert tomorrow...maybe I'll feel able to go
ugh...nothing much else.
I have nothing to offer.
that was fast, already day 40...almost half way through
which leads me to 50%....maybe slightly less.
instead of on the cusp of dying, I'm on the cusp of living
just barely
like a zombie who got bitten by a radioactive spider....there's some hope here.
watched The Dark Tower, it was ok.
band concert tomorrow...maybe I'll feel able to go
ugh...nothing much else.
I have nothing to offer.
Saturday, January 13, 2018
flubbery....until it hardens
Day 38 and 39...
45%
I feel weeeaaaaakkk.
but I'm working on the 'Abs of the year' award.
all this coughing is doing wonders for my core.
what's new.... absolutely nothing.
watched netflix all day yesterday. No, not enjoyable, but all my other
important to me hobbies require movement, either in body or mind...
and neither of those are working at their prime right now.
Today, Skylar has went food shopping for us.
As I'm not fit for human contact and the hubs is on the floor in pain...literately.
I hope he doesn't expect me to help him up...ain't happenin' today bub, I can barely
lift my own arm.
Teir and I will be watching a movie later I'm sure...and hopefully I'll have some cough meds and maybe feel something other than dead.
All other stuff I usually do is on hold. Which is in itself coincides with that thing I needed to be doing anyway... stopping actions that hinder... I guess this is a good way to see which things are really important....by letting them all fall down...
_____________________________________________
The volcano sends ashes and smoke
Breathing furnace
then cools when the flames retreat
this hollowed mountain
this hallowed temple
scarring everything that shall not stand
but this mountain stands
and inside is a cavern, smooth like glass
The rain begins to fall
water droplets hiss against the skin
smoke falters away and the ashes fall
A mountain in ruin.....no
It is the framework for a new temple.
and the rain rinses us clean.
_____________________________________________________
45%
I feel weeeaaaaakkk.
but I'm working on the 'Abs of the year' award.
all this coughing is doing wonders for my core.
what's new.... absolutely nothing.
watched netflix all day yesterday. No, not enjoyable, but all my other
important to me hobbies require movement, either in body or mind...
and neither of those are working at their prime right now.
Today, Skylar has went food shopping for us.
As I'm not fit for human contact and the hubs is on the floor in pain...literately.
I hope he doesn't expect me to help him up...ain't happenin' today bub, I can barely
lift my own arm.
Teir and I will be watching a movie later I'm sure...and hopefully I'll have some cough meds and maybe feel something other than dead.
All other stuff I usually do is on hold. Which is in itself coincides with that thing I needed to be doing anyway... stopping actions that hinder... I guess this is a good way to see which things are really important....by letting them all fall down...
_____________________________________________
The volcano sends ashes and smoke
Breathing furnace
then cools when the flames retreat
this hollowed mountain
this hallowed temple
scarring everything that shall not stand
but this mountain stands
and inside is a cavern, smooth like glass
The rain begins to fall
water droplets hiss against the skin
smoke falters away and the ashes fall
A mountain in ruin.....no
It is the framework for a new temple.
and the rain rinses us clean.
_____________________________________________________
Thursday, January 11, 2018
Freezing in America
Day 37
35% yeah I didn't improve much from yesterday...
see now my sinuses are getting in on the fun. It's great. This party we have going on.
I digress.
It's not much fun for me.
"why don't you go see a doctor?"
great question, I'll be glad to answer that.
I had a doctor that costed $50 a visit (self-pay)
but me being such an outstandingly usually healthy person got kicked off their
logbooks because I didn't come in for a visit. Dude....that's right..
punishing me for being healthy. - fuck you society.
so now...if I really wanted someone else's advice (a.k.a. not Dr. Google's) I'd have to go to
one of those walk-in clinics (have you ever been inside one of those?!) heads up...there's only you and one other person there....hooray...you'll get in quicker...oh no...no you won't, 1 hr wait minimum.
and the pricetag is about $185 plus whatever other tests and/or presciptions they give you.
Same price if they just tell you to get more rest and pat you on the back.
So I do just that for free.... get more rest and pat myself on the back for saving money.
American health care right there buddy.
Ain't I so glad to be an american.....
or I could do that thing everyone else does and pay $150mo every month
go to the doctor, pay another $30...leave...and then oh yeah...deductibles....
gosh darn.
If I had $150 a month for health insurance I still wouldn't buy it. Fuck you society.
Best case scenario...I plan ahead....schedule with my old doctor....which will take 8-12 weeks
to get to see, then go back in once a year to say hello, no you won't be giving me
one of those things I'm 13 years overdue for. But I have this dandruff recently, lol. No really,
just take my $50 and I'll call you when I really need you.
___________________________
Anyway..... orange juice burns a sore throat, fyi.
flannel is not warm enough
my bed is the worst bed on the planet
and Never for the love of god buy a Nissan.
ya know what...just don't buy anything white, except socks
__________________________
I think I done now....going to find a warmer blanket.
35% yeah I didn't improve much from yesterday...
see now my sinuses are getting in on the fun. It's great. This party we have going on.
I digress.
It's not much fun for me.
"why don't you go see a doctor?"
great question, I'll be glad to answer that.
I had a doctor that costed $50 a visit (self-pay)
but me being such an outstandingly usually healthy person got kicked off their
logbooks because I didn't come in for a visit. Dude....that's right..
punishing me for being healthy. - fuck you society.
so now...if I really wanted someone else's advice (a.k.a. not Dr. Google's) I'd have to go to
one of those walk-in clinics (have you ever been inside one of those?!) heads up...there's only you and one other person there....hooray...you'll get in quicker...oh no...no you won't, 1 hr wait minimum.
and the pricetag is about $185 plus whatever other tests and/or presciptions they give you.
Same price if they just tell you to get more rest and pat you on the back.
So I do just that for free.... get more rest and pat myself on the back for saving money.
American health care right there buddy.
Ain't I so glad to be an american.....
or I could do that thing everyone else does and pay $150mo every month
go to the doctor, pay another $30...leave...and then oh yeah...deductibles....
gosh darn.
If I had $150 a month for health insurance I still wouldn't buy it. Fuck you society.
Best case scenario...I plan ahead....schedule with my old doctor....which will take 8-12 weeks
to get to see, then go back in once a year to say hello, no you won't be giving me
one of those things I'm 13 years overdue for. But I have this dandruff recently, lol. No really,
just take my $50 and I'll call you when I really need you.
___________________________
Anyway..... orange juice burns a sore throat, fyi.
flannel is not warm enough
my bed is the worst bed on the planet
and Never for the love of god buy a Nissan.
ya know what...just don't buy anything white, except socks
__________________________
I think I done now....going to find a warmer blanket.
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Depths of the 'see'
day 36
30%
The transmission isn't going through
you can't hear me
unplug your ears
try a different channel
stop living in fear
stop listening to all that bullshit you keep telling yourself
ffs
I'm drowning
and I can't pull you in with me
you'll just need to jump
jump
trust in yourself
the water will catch you
then we can go deeper
deeper
as deep as we can
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
if I were going to say the same thing to a land lover....
You're not doing what I told you to do.
Those limiting thoughts are holding you back.
There's nothing else I can do to help you.
You must choose yourself if you will remain where you are in those fears/thoughts....
or if you will fucking choose the opposite and do something about it!
______________________________________________________
how's that....?
do you realize how hard it is to speak to land lovers. commoners. normal (square) people hiding inside their little boxes. Especially when I'm holding a match.... I would set them all on fire if I could.
And then watch them burn.
Look at all the pretty fire!!! *claps hands
It's takes a toll to move at a lower frequency....
sorry you can't keep up, but not to worry, no one has to. We are all going the same way
I've got somewhere to be. (besides bed, still sick here)
gotta go.
30%
The transmission isn't going through
you can't hear me
unplug your ears
try a different channel
stop living in fear
stop listening to all that bullshit you keep telling yourself
ffs
I'm drowning
and I can't pull you in with me
you'll just need to jump
jump
trust in yourself
the water will catch you
then we can go deeper
deeper
as deep as we can
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
if I were going to say the same thing to a land lover....
You're not doing what I told you to do.
Those limiting thoughts are holding you back.
There's nothing else I can do to help you.
You must choose yourself if you will remain where you are in those fears/thoughts....
or if you will fucking choose the opposite and do something about it!
______________________________________________________
how's that....?
do you realize how hard it is to speak to land lovers. commoners. normal (square) people hiding inside their little boxes. Especially when I'm holding a match.... I would set them all on fire if I could.
And then watch them burn.
Look at all the pretty fire!!! *claps hands
It's takes a toll to move at a lower frequency....
sorry you can't keep up, but not to worry, no one has to. We are all going the same way
I've got somewhere to be. (besides bed, still sick here)
gotta go.
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
Scolded...maybe it should be scalded...?
Top of the morning to you...
yeah, okay then...you caught me,
it's 4:30 ish --pm
Why didn't you prepare? They asked.
All those hints and reminders that kept entering your thoughts.
Did you think you could wait forever?
There's a reason they are there.....being there multiple times however...
means you need to prepare.
You already know this. Do you not?
......yes.....
_______________________________________________________
So today is a new day. Not a 100% day...maybe 50%
Sleeping didn't quite work out. I kept dreaming about pirates all night. It sucked.
Then waking up to get comfortable....but we all know comfortable and sick doesn't go together well.
Then some weird ass 1 minute dream about the infinity symbol and the words Ongoing. But it looked more like this...OngOing with the two O's making the infinity symbol.
like this....
All I kept thinking in the dream was that this was not the Infinity logo (the people who make the cars)
that's this one....
it's a mountain.
in etymology....it means 'without end' - limitless
they make nice cars....maybe too nice for my tastes. I like rugged, although I'm not against having one. Comes with a nice $40k price tag....(pre-owned) A new 4runner is that much...sooo. If someone is willing to purchase one and gift it to me, that'd be great. Come pick me up, Toyota dealer is somewhere around here.
Anyway....
lesson number (who knows)
Listen to your intuition. Listen to those little things that keep popping up in your head. (unless they are bad, obviously) Otherwise....you'll get sick....and scolded. O_O
I'm not sure what is going on around here.
the car I think is getting fixed
the eldest is out with friends
youngest hanging with me, we are sick together, and on computer of course.
watched Bright on netflix
waiting for coffee
not hungry, but probably need food later, something
put Butter to bed (yes, literately just like a toddler)
maybe do those other things that need done....the easy ones that don't require much movement.
writing this blog....it's day 35
I paid some bills today
the cat/kitten... (Bane) decided wet toilet paper in the toilet would be a fun toy and brought pieces of it through the house. It was just blow your nose toilet paper....but wth. gross dude. I don't know what is wrong with him.
I'm hovering the edge of being slightly pissed off. Not for actual things that matter....but because I can't use amazon's selling portal to sell books because I don't have a fucking cell phone. Fuck you internet. I can't even get a bit coin. Fuck you internet. I can do ebay....but good luck making any money from that crap job. I like amazon, damn it.
hovering...because I don't really care.
Anyway. I'm waiting to hear back from the field inspector people...waiting for background check. I have this other one lined up right behind it, but I'm thinking I should go ahead and apply. Not sure how many orders I'll get in though. Will it be 1 or 200?? I don't do 'work' so 10 every other day is fine depending on where they are located. Having to do 30 a day is not. Unless it's only 1 day and close together. That'd be a good paycheck.
What else.....I forgot income taxes. Oh yeah...where's my w2 from that crap job? I'm ready to go, buddy. Me and TaxAct have a date.
People paying their rent would be awesome too. Ya know...so I don't have to pay 2 mortgages. Then we all could get back to not being broke.
Hmmm.... I guess I will go scavenge for food of some sort.
____________________________________________________________
It's breathing.
This mountain.
I feel you.
Whoever I am....isn't going to be who I am becoming.
I can feel her. And she is moving.
Let her come.
yeah, okay then...you caught me,
it's 4:30 ish --pm
Why didn't you prepare? They asked.
All those hints and reminders that kept entering your thoughts.
Did you think you could wait forever?
There's a reason they are there.....being there multiple times however...
means you need to prepare.
You already know this. Do you not?
......yes.....
_______________________________________________________
So today is a new day. Not a 100% day...maybe 50%
Sleeping didn't quite work out. I kept dreaming about pirates all night. It sucked.
Then waking up to get comfortable....but we all know comfortable and sick doesn't go together well.
Then some weird ass 1 minute dream about the infinity symbol and the words Ongoing. But it looked more like this...OngOing with the two O's making the infinity symbol.
like this....
that's this one....
in etymology....it means 'without end' - limitless
they make nice cars....maybe too nice for my tastes. I like rugged, although I'm not against having one. Comes with a nice $40k price tag....(pre-owned) A new 4runner is that much...sooo. If someone is willing to purchase one and gift it to me, that'd be great. Come pick me up, Toyota dealer is somewhere around here.
Anyway....
lesson number (who knows)
Listen to your intuition. Listen to those little things that keep popping up in your head. (unless they are bad, obviously) Otherwise....you'll get sick....and scolded. O_O
I'm not sure what is going on around here.
the car I think is getting fixed
the eldest is out with friends
youngest hanging with me, we are sick together, and on computer of course.
watched Bright on netflix
waiting for coffee
not hungry, but probably need food later, something
put Butter to bed (yes, literately just like a toddler)
maybe do those other things that need done....the easy ones that don't require much movement.
writing this blog....it's day 35
I paid some bills today
the cat/kitten... (Bane) decided wet toilet paper in the toilet would be a fun toy and brought pieces of it through the house. It was just blow your nose toilet paper....but wth. gross dude. I don't know what is wrong with him.
I'm hovering the edge of being slightly pissed off. Not for actual things that matter....but because I can't use amazon's selling portal to sell books because I don't have a fucking cell phone. Fuck you internet. I can't even get a bit coin. Fuck you internet. I can do ebay....but good luck making any money from that crap job. I like amazon, damn it.
hovering...because I don't really care.
Anyway. I'm waiting to hear back from the field inspector people...waiting for background check. I have this other one lined up right behind it, but I'm thinking I should go ahead and apply. Not sure how many orders I'll get in though. Will it be 1 or 200?? I don't do 'work' so 10 every other day is fine depending on where they are located. Having to do 30 a day is not. Unless it's only 1 day and close together. That'd be a good paycheck.
What else.....I forgot income taxes. Oh yeah...where's my w2 from that crap job? I'm ready to go, buddy. Me and TaxAct have a date.
People paying their rent would be awesome too. Ya know...so I don't have to pay 2 mortgages. Then we all could get back to not being broke.
Hmmm.... I guess I will go scavenge for food of some sort.
____________________________________________________________
It's breathing.
This mountain.
I feel you.
Whoever I am....isn't going to be who I am becoming.
I can feel her. And she is moving.
Let her come.
Monday, January 8, 2018
Fire on the inside.
Day 34
ugh.
I'm sick today. Body aches. Chills. Probably fever.
Teir's not feeling 100% either.
So we watched the new Pirates of the Caribbean on netflix.
With a blanket.
But I'm here to write....although I promise it will be short.
I'm going to bed.
theory.....
when you evolve past your limited beliefs (thoughts) or deeds (actions)
you're body takes a while to catch up.
I'm sure this is a good thing, although please don't ask me until I feel better, ok.
I'm taken care of even if I disagree with the universal policies in place.
volcanoes.....kinda hurt. All parts of it.
touch it's skin and it will hurt. I promise.
At least I don't have that dizzy fever stuff.... (knock on wood)
wait...no don't....wood burns.
so I'm going to bed in a sec. Maybe finally take some advil.
yeah, I totally like to see how much I can handle before I resort to witchcraft.
haha....I like that word. It's short for natural medicine. It is from a tree afterall.
no, not punishing myself by waiting it out....
stretching myself....because I have this thing lately about feeling everything my body wants to say.
It's actually kinda sad and irate at the moment.
It wants medicine and sleep. No disturbances.
So I'm going to honor that.
ugh.
I'm sick today. Body aches. Chills. Probably fever.
Teir's not feeling 100% either.
So we watched the new Pirates of the Caribbean on netflix.
With a blanket.
But I'm here to write....although I promise it will be short.
I'm going to bed.
theory.....
when you evolve past your limited beliefs (thoughts) or deeds (actions)
you're body takes a while to catch up.
I'm sure this is a good thing, although please don't ask me until I feel better, ok.
I'm taken care of even if I disagree with the universal policies in place.
volcanoes.....kinda hurt. All parts of it.
touch it's skin and it will hurt. I promise.
At least I don't have that dizzy fever stuff.... (knock on wood)
wait...no don't....wood burns.
so I'm going to bed in a sec. Maybe finally take some advil.
yeah, I totally like to see how much I can handle before I resort to witchcraft.
haha....I like that word. It's short for natural medicine. It is from a tree afterall.
no, not punishing myself by waiting it out....
stretching myself....because I have this thing lately about feeling everything my body wants to say.
It's actually kinda sad and irate at the moment.
It wants medicine and sleep. No disturbances.
So I'm going to honor that.
Sunday, January 7, 2018
Inaction = the universe is IN ACTION
Day 33
My list of 6
I get to pay off a debt.... yay for that list. Not always fun stuff, but it'll be fun when it's paid off.
This is where you get into trouble.
Should I withdraw from savings and pay it off?
Should I manifest cash and pay it off?
Should I take a 1 month job and pay it off? (not a chance)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
the answer is to do nothing...it will take care of itself and pay itself off.
because when you take a certain action....like say withdraw from savings....guess what happens..
you know, come on...guess.
that's right. Taxes are due Friday...or the car broke, or don't forget the car insurance coming in 3 weeks. The universe will smack you right back in the face for not believing in it.
If you manifest cash... can do...but what did I tell you about equivalent exchange...you'll pay it...and then whammo! You need to spend about the same amount on something else more important. A.k.a. the universe will smack you in the face for not trusting it.
If you take a side job...guess what happens then....you spend more money on stuff you hardly ever spend money on...like tires, or extra ice cream at the store. In other words...the universe will smack you in the face for not relying on it.
DO NOTHING and let the universe do it's job. Stop doing it's job for it......you are unqualified.
So...something strange occurred.
The seraphim actually spoke with me. Fire....
the lesson...was not to take a certain action...
it was to stop taking certain actions that block/hinder/limit myself.
So.....back to the dropping in lava course 102... instead of thoughts burning away....we shall watch hindering actions burn.
FIRE!!!!! I love it!
and you thought it just meant action and focus and will....ha!
_________________________________________________________________
I watched a weird video about the Anunnaki and Nephelim yesterday. About gene welding , Tiamat, and Nibiru. Of course most of this was common knowledge...to me anyway... but a more in depth version this time. Rather interesting.... however it didn't touch on theories about trans-dimensional possibilities or 5th dimension evolution. They left that entire part out. If we were created by the Anunnaki, gene welded wise through dna... where would our ascension capabilities come from? From their dna? From energy consciousness? Where then? We'd still have memory dna capabilities and be able to ascend onto higher planes with their dna...but being a partially flawed organism for life on earth, where does one split from being the created to the creator? Where's the cut-off line?
Or would that ability come from our earthly roots...and not them. Maybe they never had it? Would that make us more powerful in the long run?
well...just having fun theorizing....
_______________________________________________________________________
Time is moving fast today....what the hell.
I already did my computer posting today....and this blog...so now I guess I'll
figure out something else.
I have to clear coat a painting...I remember.
and ... ???
my daily list is in the other room. I have no clue.
I would clean the storage room if it weren't so cold in there.
I may go look for my laptop....I need it to see if Final Draft will go on it.
Then I can start writing the script.
Or book 5 which I still don't know where I'm starting it at.
Health textbook for Teir's schoolwork....that needs done too, but he said Tuesday the 9th.
It's only Sunday. Pretty bad we'll get it done in less than 3 days...it's horribly stupid and so easy and full of common obvious knowledge.... but hey, half a credit is half a credit.
Home/Un schooling for the win. We only bother because they need curriculum titles and stuff for high school transcripts. What a waste of time/effort doing something you already know.
fuck you school
what else...
?
?
I'm kinda bored....
who wants to come over and spend time with me?
who wants to go to iceland?
hiking?
what's playing at the theater?
I'm open to suggestions.
My list of 6
I get to pay off a debt.... yay for that list. Not always fun stuff, but it'll be fun when it's paid off.
This is where you get into trouble.
Should I withdraw from savings and pay it off?
Should I manifest cash and pay it off?
Should I take a 1 month job and pay it off? (not a chance)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
the answer is to do nothing...it will take care of itself and pay itself off.
because when you take a certain action....like say withdraw from savings....guess what happens..
you know, come on...guess.
that's right. Taxes are due Friday...or the car broke, or don't forget the car insurance coming in 3 weeks. The universe will smack you right back in the face for not believing in it.
If you manifest cash... can do...but what did I tell you about equivalent exchange...you'll pay it...and then whammo! You need to spend about the same amount on something else more important. A.k.a. the universe will smack you in the face for not trusting it.
If you take a side job...guess what happens then....you spend more money on stuff you hardly ever spend money on...like tires, or extra ice cream at the store. In other words...the universe will smack you in the face for not relying on it.
DO NOTHING and let the universe do it's job. Stop doing it's job for it......you are unqualified.
So...something strange occurred.
The seraphim actually spoke with me. Fire....
the lesson...was not to take a certain action...
it was to stop taking certain actions that block/hinder/limit myself.
So.....back to the dropping in lava course 102... instead of thoughts burning away....we shall watch hindering actions burn.
FIRE!!!!! I love it!
and you thought it just meant action and focus and will....ha!
_________________________________________________________________
I watched a weird video about the Anunnaki and Nephelim yesterday. About gene welding , Tiamat, and Nibiru. Of course most of this was common knowledge...to me anyway... but a more in depth version this time. Rather interesting.... however it didn't touch on theories about trans-dimensional possibilities or 5th dimension evolution. They left that entire part out. If we were created by the Anunnaki, gene welded wise through dna... where would our ascension capabilities come from? From their dna? From energy consciousness? Where then? We'd still have memory dna capabilities and be able to ascend onto higher planes with their dna...but being a partially flawed organism for life on earth, where does one split from being the created to the creator? Where's the cut-off line?
Or would that ability come from our earthly roots...and not them. Maybe they never had it? Would that make us more powerful in the long run?
well...just having fun theorizing....
_______________________________________________________________________
Time is moving fast today....what the hell.
I already did my computer posting today....and this blog...so now I guess I'll
figure out something else.
I have to clear coat a painting...I remember.
and ... ???
my daily list is in the other room. I have no clue.
I would clean the storage room if it weren't so cold in there.
I may go look for my laptop....I need it to see if Final Draft will go on it.
Then I can start writing the script.
Or book 5 which I still don't know where I'm starting it at.
Health textbook for Teir's schoolwork....that needs done too, but he said Tuesday the 9th.
It's only Sunday. Pretty bad we'll get it done in less than 3 days...it's horribly stupid and so easy and full of common obvious knowledge.... but hey, half a credit is half a credit.
Home/Un schooling for the win. We only bother because they need curriculum titles and stuff for high school transcripts. What a waste of time/effort doing something you already know.
fuck you school
what else...
?
?
I'm kinda bored....
who wants to come over and spend time with me?
who wants to go to iceland?
hiking?
what's playing at the theater?
I'm open to suggestions.
Saturday, January 6, 2018
ho hum
Day 32
all that I want from you, my son, is to be satisfied
take care of yourself
be good to yourself
treat yourself well
tell yourself yes
give yourself more
love yourself completely
listen to yourself
trust yourself
honor yourself
protect yourself
I watched them as they danced. As much as a little child and grown adult possibly could.
It was cute. The younger always twirling under the fingers of the older. Stepping on them, laughing, talking, more twirling. Never being still. The older just letting the younger be, as there really isn't a wrong way to dance.
The younger gets excited when a new song plays. The older simply complies to the wishes of the younger without complaint. Without being in a hurry, there is nowhere else to be...ever. The older moves step by step, careful not to step on the younger's bare toes. Always barefooted.
Never looking away to see where else there is to be, to do, to go. The older stays true to the task at hand. Stands true even when the same question gets asked for the third time. Stays true even when the younger climbs on them. Perhaps this is no longer dancing, but the older obliges.
The mountain. Strong. Patient. Wise. Protective. Present.
The little star. Wild. Ambitious. Free. Curious. Joyful.
They dance in the midnight sky.
_________________________________________________________
What to say....
I finished my painting.
Which means....I'm on the next level. Sweet. I'll make out the new list of 6 tonight.
Teir and I made cookies.
stuff and other stuff
all that I want from you, my son, is to be satisfied
take care of yourself
be good to yourself
treat yourself well
tell yourself yes
give yourself more
love yourself completely
listen to yourself
trust yourself
honor yourself
protect yourself
I watched them as they danced. As much as a little child and grown adult possibly could.
It was cute. The younger always twirling under the fingers of the older. Stepping on them, laughing, talking, more twirling. Never being still. The older just letting the younger be, as there really isn't a wrong way to dance.
The younger gets excited when a new song plays. The older simply complies to the wishes of the younger without complaint. Without being in a hurry, there is nowhere else to be...ever. The older moves step by step, careful not to step on the younger's bare toes. Always barefooted.
Never looking away to see where else there is to be, to do, to go. The older stays true to the task at hand. Stands true even when the same question gets asked for the third time. Stays true even when the younger climbs on them. Perhaps this is no longer dancing, but the older obliges.
The mountain. Strong. Patient. Wise. Protective. Present.
The little star. Wild. Ambitious. Free. Curious. Joyful.
They dance in the midnight sky.
_________________________________________________________
What to say....
I finished my painting.
Which means....I'm on the next level. Sweet. I'll make out the new list of 6 tonight.
Teir and I made cookies.
stuff and other stuff
Friday, January 5, 2018
I will require a cabin in the trees....far far far far away.....in Palowan.
Day 31 -
this is the second leg of 90 days of writing this blog.
shouldn't be too hard. I like writing.
thinking of something to write on the other hand....
went to group meet up. It was okay
I'm appalled at the lack of skills people have playing pool.
I guess I was taught fairly early so it's just easy to me.
Of course...I haven't played in ....many years.
I will require a pool table.
Day 31 -
Financial Feng-shui.
hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha
ha ha haha HA HA
HA hahahahahaha
I will require money.
I was gone all day...so I haven't done the Box challenge yet.
If I have time tomorrow I will do it.
But I get to do the chauffeur thing again.
With the truck. Car is still out-of-order
Book outline done...
the problem is it keeps going.... tying the pieces together is rather hard.
Not sure when I'll actually get to writing it.
I can start on the script too. I need to see if that little laptop will run Final Draft.
I might do Victory outline tonight depending on what is on my list.
That only requires a bundle of index cards and a pen. and some tacks.Check.
Haven't heard back from the inspector people, but they have to do the background check first.
They said up to 2 weeks. I'm in no hurry to go outside in the cold.
What is my background....according to the gov.
Random, mostly bare work history.
Paid taxes, but really just got a refund all the time, except once.
Nothing...notta, nil, zip.
Who is this person.
I'm magic. I'm the stars. The mountain filled with fire. The lightkeeper. The rain.
The alchemist. The bridge. I'm all things and none of them.
I speak to trees. and animals. and stars. and angels. and planets. and gods. and the darkness.
I'm the wind. You can't explain me or define me... do I even exist?
Light. Resonance. Frequency. Colors, hues, shades, the sun.
The song. The music. The tempo, beat and rhythm. Harmony. Movement.
I color like a child. My very good friend hangs around. I sing stupid tunes in my head as I color.
Everything is great. and amazing. Everything is funny. and amazing.
I know who I am on that side....
This side.....?
???
I know what my body does. What my head thinks. But none of this is me.
I know most of what is here is not even real.
Purpose? please.... I didn't come here to save the world. Let it burn.
I know why I came. As for the actual outcome of such venture, I kinda already know that too.
I'm hoping I will decide not to come again. But alas.....I know the answer to that too.
So for those people who want to know the future..... It's the same, only cooler.
Knowing the future.....it's really easy to disregard most of the bullshit you see/hear/etc.
Is really easy to look past people's faults, even if they really are idiots.
Actually....I still have a suspicion that some people are not really real. Like clones. Drones.
or 1 soul has split into different lives. It's a working theory.
Do you know who you are?
Know what really grinds my gears? (that's people speak for irritating = not good)
People, namely one person just a second ago, giving too much attention to bullshit.
Does the light bulbs work.....no .....= throw them away.
You want to know what store I bought them at.....no clue, a long ass time ago....= throw them away.
Now your frustrated I don't know.....yes....= throw the fucking light bulbs away.
Still trying to solve the puzzle.....yes.....= give me the light bulbs, I will throw them away.
Stop making things hard. It doesn't have to be.
Nothing is hard! Ever!
Meaning of life..... to see yourself through it.
this is the second leg of 90 days of writing this blog.
shouldn't be too hard. I like writing.
thinking of something to write on the other hand....
went to group meet up. It was okay
I'm appalled at the lack of skills people have playing pool.
I guess I was taught fairly early so it's just easy to me.
Of course...I haven't played in ....many years.
I will require a pool table.
Day 31 -
Financial Feng-shui.
hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha
ha ha haha HA HA
HA hahahahahaha
I will require money.
I was gone all day...so I haven't done the Box challenge yet.
If I have time tomorrow I will do it.
But I get to do the chauffeur thing again.
With the truck. Car is still out-of-order
Book outline done...
the problem is it keeps going.... tying the pieces together is rather hard.
Not sure when I'll actually get to writing it.
I can start on the script too. I need to see if that little laptop will run Final Draft.
I might do Victory outline tonight depending on what is on my list.
That only requires a bundle of index cards and a pen. and some tacks.Check.
Haven't heard back from the inspector people, but they have to do the background check first.
They said up to 2 weeks. I'm in no hurry to go outside in the cold.
What is my background....according to the gov.
Random, mostly bare work history.
Paid taxes, but really just got a refund all the time, except once.
Nothing...notta, nil, zip.
Who is this person.
I'm magic. I'm the stars. The mountain filled with fire. The lightkeeper. The rain.
The alchemist. The bridge. I'm all things and none of them.
I speak to trees. and animals. and stars. and angels. and planets. and gods. and the darkness.
I'm the wind. You can't explain me or define me... do I even exist?
Light. Resonance. Frequency. Colors, hues, shades, the sun.
The song. The music. The tempo, beat and rhythm. Harmony. Movement.
I color like a child. My very good friend hangs around. I sing stupid tunes in my head as I color.
Everything is great. and amazing. Everything is funny. and amazing.
I know who I am on that side....
This side.....?
???
I know what my body does. What my head thinks. But none of this is me.
I know most of what is here is not even real.
Purpose? please.... I didn't come here to save the world. Let it burn.
I know why I came. As for the actual outcome of such venture, I kinda already know that too.
I'm hoping I will decide not to come again. But alas.....I know the answer to that too.
So for those people who want to know the future..... It's the same, only cooler.
Knowing the future.....it's really easy to disregard most of the bullshit you see/hear/etc.
Is really easy to look past people's faults, even if they really are idiots.
Actually....I still have a suspicion that some people are not really real. Like clones. Drones.
or 1 soul has split into different lives. It's a working theory.
Do you know who you are?
Know what really grinds my gears? (that's people speak for irritating = not good)
People, namely one person just a second ago, giving too much attention to bullshit.
Does the light bulbs work.....no .....= throw them away.
You want to know what store I bought them at.....no clue, a long ass time ago....= throw them away.
Now your frustrated I don't know.....yes....= throw the fucking light bulbs away.
Still trying to solve the puzzle.....yes.....= give me the light bulbs, I will throw them away.
Stop making things hard. It doesn't have to be.
Nothing is hard! Ever!
Meaning of life..... to see yourself through it.
Thursday, January 4, 2018
a REAL Challenge
The average temperature of Hawaii
73 to 80 degrees F
average temperature a little closer...FL perhaps?
61 to 84 degrees F
either of these places would do me good right now.
15 is unacceptable
_____________________________________________________________
so we didn't blow up the car today but will need to go get it later
it's sitting at CVS because it overheated...because the coolant hose busted.
because it's fucking cold
yes, it had antifreeze in it
but it's a Nissan.
the absolute last Nissan I will ever be a part of
Jeep, Toyota, Ford, Porsche, Audi, Lexus, Jaguar, Pagani, Koenigsegg, Maserati Alfieri.....*drool....all those high end luxury sport cars. Even Subaru is acceptable if it has all that offroad outdoorsy stuff all over it and a bunch of random stickers all over the back.
I'm killing the daily list.
Think I'll stick with it, although I must find a better way to organize it.
I'm wasting too much pen ink scribbling through what I did get done.
One cross out line isn't enough and I don't always have a dark marker with me.
Going to a teen meet-up group tomorrow with the kids.
I hope real people are there.
God, please send me someone REAL. I'm over the normal forced interaction.
I don't want to act normal.
Technically, I don't want to interact either, but if I must, let it not be normal.
The etymology of the word 'normal' means a 'carpenter's square' (that's that triangle thing that let's you mark a perfect right-angle on a piece of wood!! A+ for me in carpentry!)
.... yeah so normal people are 'squares'
--- a.k.a. in a box, shut it. closed-up. Harsh feng-shui (pronounced fung-shway) if you want to learn about sharp edges. :)
dictionary claims it means -'in conformity with rule'....
somewhere I have never been able to stay for long.
It'll be great. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.
_______________________________________________________
Did part of my book 5 outline today while freezing my toes off.
Re-read through script. It's ready to be written in screen format now.
Luckily I already have Final Draft! Hoorah!
Want to do a new challenge?
Find a box. any box, any size.
Fill it with stuff that falls short of being something you love.
If it's a small box, find small things to put in it.
Big boxes = big things.
at least 10 items must go in this box.
all 10 items must be something you do not love.
they can be something you hate.
something broken
something worn out you would love to replace but haven't because (your whiny ass excuse here)
something that gives you the creeps
something you only keep because someone gave it to you
something you only keep because it covers that hole in the wall
something you only keep because if you get rid of any more stuff you'll look poor
something you shouldn't even have, but you keep because someone else might need it.
something you keep in case of some disaster that will never happen.
something that doesn't fit.
This filled box of 10 things will get sold in the yardsale or will go to the trash.
You can look through it again to be sure before dumping/selling it all, don't panic. Close it up and put it away, label it crap you don't love. Then sell it or dump it if after a week you still don't love what's in it.
I challenge you.
Ready set go
I have to go get the car.
I also challenge you to be real.
I try to, but I scare everyone :(
that shouldn't really be a sad face.... I kinda think its great at times.
73 to 80 degrees F
average temperature a little closer...FL perhaps?
61 to 84 degrees F
either of these places would do me good right now.
15 is unacceptable
_____________________________________________________________
so we didn't blow up the car today but will need to go get it later
it's sitting at CVS because it overheated...because the coolant hose busted.
because it's fucking cold
yes, it had antifreeze in it
but it's a Nissan.
the absolute last Nissan I will ever be a part of
Jeep, Toyota, Ford, Porsche, Audi, Lexus, Jaguar, Pagani, Koenigsegg, Maserati Alfieri.....*drool....all those high end luxury sport cars. Even Subaru is acceptable if it has all that offroad outdoorsy stuff all over it and a bunch of random stickers all over the back.
I'm killing the daily list.
Think I'll stick with it, although I must find a better way to organize it.
I'm wasting too much pen ink scribbling through what I did get done.
One cross out line isn't enough and I don't always have a dark marker with me.
Going to a teen meet-up group tomorrow with the kids.
I hope real people are there.
God, please send me someone REAL. I'm over the normal forced interaction.
I don't want to act normal.
Technically, I don't want to interact either, but if I must, let it not be normal.
The etymology of the word 'normal' means a 'carpenter's square' (that's that triangle thing that let's you mark a perfect right-angle on a piece of wood!! A+ for me in carpentry!)
.... yeah so normal people are 'squares'
--- a.k.a. in a box, shut it. closed-up. Harsh feng-shui (pronounced fung-shway) if you want to learn about sharp edges. :)
dictionary claims it means -'in conformity with rule'....
somewhere I have never been able to stay for long.
It'll be great. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.
_______________________________________________________
Did part of my book 5 outline today while freezing my toes off.
Re-read through script. It's ready to be written in screen format now.
Luckily I already have Final Draft! Hoorah!
Want to do a new challenge?
Find a box. any box, any size.
Fill it with stuff that falls short of being something you love.
If it's a small box, find small things to put in it.
Big boxes = big things.
at least 10 items must go in this box.
all 10 items must be something you do not love.
they can be something you hate.
something broken
something worn out you would love to replace but haven't because (your whiny ass excuse here)
something that gives you the creeps
something you only keep because someone gave it to you
something you only keep because it covers that hole in the wall
something you only keep because if you get rid of any more stuff you'll look poor
something you shouldn't even have, but you keep because someone else might need it.
something you keep in case of some disaster that will never happen.
something that doesn't fit.
This filled box of 10 things will get sold in the yardsale or will go to the trash.
You can look through it again to be sure before dumping/selling it all, don't panic. Close it up and put it away, label it crap you don't love. Then sell it or dump it if after a week you still don't love what's in it.
I challenge you.
Ready set go
I have to go get the car.
I also challenge you to be real.
I try to, but I scare everyone :(
that shouldn't really be a sad face.... I kinda think its great at times.
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
Ice cream run
So the oven is clean.
It costed me $11
I never told you how to get that challenge done.....just to get it done.
Day 29
I'm currently succeeding in completing my daily list.
this may be more useful to me than the general 'list' I have usually used.
the daily one comes with a time limit and therefore a 'challenge'
I am, after all, rather competitive. Even if it's with myself....or a list.
Read some screenplays today too.
The Iron Giant. and part of Toy Story...
cause yeah, I'm doing animation scripts right now.
Piano....better
guitar....haven't done that today yet
finished that book I was reading....it wasn't that great, but a few new tips maybe.
I suppose at this point they are all going to say the same things over and over with slightly different words. That's fine. There's some other books I want to read beside screenwriting books.
I want to get stuff together and sell it. Not sure when I'll be able to do this.
Tomorrow is scrapped. from 11am till 6pm
I wonder if the Pini's will let me do a screenplay of ElfQuest?
____________________________________________________________
I think I'm being commissioned (without pay) to take an ice cream run.
wait....that's going to cost me money.
oh well. I have money.... I have loads and loads of money!
I'm abundantly wealthy and rich as fuck!
Positivity attracts the like, yes?
why is it saying that positivity is misspelled and/or does not exist as a word?
It's Positively positive.
This is like writing in Word and it underlines random words in red squiggly lines to show you how not to write.
whatevs.
It costed me $11
I never told you how to get that challenge done.....just to get it done.
Day 29
I'm currently succeeding in completing my daily list.
this may be more useful to me than the general 'list' I have usually used.
the daily one comes with a time limit and therefore a 'challenge'
I am, after all, rather competitive. Even if it's with myself....or a list.
Read some screenplays today too.
The Iron Giant. and part of Toy Story...
cause yeah, I'm doing animation scripts right now.
Piano....better
guitar....haven't done that today yet
finished that book I was reading....it wasn't that great, but a few new tips maybe.
I suppose at this point they are all going to say the same things over and over with slightly different words. That's fine. There's some other books I want to read beside screenwriting books.
I want to get stuff together and sell it. Not sure when I'll be able to do this.
Tomorrow is scrapped. from 11am till 6pm
I wonder if the Pini's will let me do a screenplay of ElfQuest?
____________________________________________________________
I think I'm being commissioned (without pay) to take an ice cream run.
wait....that's going to cost me money.
oh well. I have money.... I have loads and loads of money!
I'm abundantly wealthy and rich as fuck!
Positivity attracts the like, yes?
why is it saying that positivity is misspelled and/or does not exist as a word?
It's Positively positive.
This is like writing in Word and it underlines random words in red squiggly lines to show you how not to write.
whatevs.
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
NO whiny ass excuses or those who skip through this.
Day 28
I wrote a very short screenplay on my new Final Draft program.
I think I LIKE it!!! It was so easy! It's only a few pages long, but I can tell why this program is the bomb. It does everything for you but type the words. Perfecto.
Maybe I'll post it. It does have a bad word or two in it and it involves an alien and a guy named Dr. Juju. Very short, very simple. I literately wrote it on the fly just so I could test it out.
I want to try to do the beats with Victory on it too, but I realize I really don't need to be sitting at the computer all day. And having them in actual card form will be easier overall, although it may take longer??
Piano....it took forever....but hard parts of certain things seem to be actually getting easier...I was almost beginning to think that maybe I'm not cut out to do the 'hard' stuff..... almost. So that issue with the hands not wanting to cooperate together....well they will be in for a big surprise when it just starts to actually happen!
Financial Feng-Shui (pronounced fi-nan-shull fung shway) for those of you who don't enjoy other languages (pronounced lang-wedges)
The only clutter I seem to have is in the storage room....and frankly, it's too cold in there to clean it.
I check my money baguas (pronounced baa-goo-uhs) and they are clean everywhere else. Technically (pronounced tek-nih-call-ee) I've taken great care to make sure all parts are clear and clutter free.
Minus the garage....the storage room.....and the oven.
...I should probably find someone to clean my oven....hmmm
that and I still have to wait to pay some things.....why?!!!
Playing chauffeur (pronounced show-fur) tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday...and Saturday...ohmygerd! (pronounced oh-my-gerd)
____________________________________________________________
I was thinking of writing you a story, but alas...the only story I keep replaying in my head is book 5. Which I should probably start writing sooner rather than later, even though I'm still not sure where I want to start it. Sharing a scene or two will just ruin the secret.
I could tell you the qualities of my script...but when it sells, I would need to remember to erase this...so I can't do that.
I could write a letter to someone.... but who?
A song, a poem, a limerick? (pronounced lim-rick)
How about a riddle?
....
probably too hard for the commoners....nevermind.
FFS!!!
Some of us....we live in a world between worlds. Where we have one foot in this reality and in this body...and we have the other in the world of real reality and of that vast ocean.
One would assume we would care to show you the wonders of what's on the other side of the veil. That I would want you to know. But you can't know. Not until you walked through the doors on your own. I want you to know, but I can't ever give it to you. I can't explain the taste of it. The feel of it.
I can't even show you the way there. I didn't lead myself across in the first place. I was never alone on this journey. Not even once. The steps I took could never be the same ones you could take.
I will not hold your hand and carry you forward. That is not my job. If you ask, I can only tell you the answer I know, but it doesn't mean it's the only answer. Or that its your answer.
I'm burning from the inside out. I've thrown thought after thought into the river of lava and watched them burst into flames before my eye. Knowing what is coming without seeing it.
The seraphim....they are here. Whatever their purpose is with me....I accept.
..the other one....the one who visits when dark thoughts move through.... he seemed pleased to have such a short visit with me. Almost like he was satisfied that whatever lessons I had to learn had stuck true and proven. A test perhaps? Whatever, I was also pleased....to tell him goodbye.
and the other...that One. If you held the love of all the stars in your hands and rain fell upward into the heavens and the underworld shone out like sunbeams...it wouldn't come close to being equal to the heart of the King.
If you want to take this journey....young pioneer, eager alchemist, one with a head full of mysteries and those with any need to walk. The King grants requests....every time.
Follow the gypsy's out into the wild, where they dance around the fires. Where the children gather to hear of legends. Where the lost wander even further on purpose. And the rogues and warlocks feel underfoot that the world is good. Find that place....where the pain bubbles over your brim and you overflow with something you can't contain. Where the memories fade into a breeze and the hands of your lover touch warm. Where storms rage. Mountains fall. Mountains rise. And your sons stand tall. Your daughters carry the future. Your soul blazes. Where you are held.
that was way long
Most people, including me, do not like to read long posts where there isn't much white space.
Good luck making it here.
________________________________________________________________________
try this....
do something tomorrow (Jan 3rd) that you most likely wouldn't (because of one of your fears)
then disregard those fears and show them that they are not real, by doing the thing you said.
like paying off a large bill (how....with what money?-add in your whiny ass excuse here)
or cooking a homemade meal (but I don't have all the ingredients - add your whiny ass excuse here)
or taking a jog (it's too cold, my leg is broke - whiny ass excuse here)
or painting a picture (like what....I'm too stupid for imagination - whiny ass excuse here)
or _________ fill in the black with something you really want or would like to do/have/etc. (but but but but but - whiny ass excuse here)
those are only examples. but the lesson is that once you go ahead and do thing you want to do....the other option disappears.
Do you want door number 1 (the cool thing) or door number 2 (the fear keeping you away from the cool thing)?
It is always your choice.
I challenge you.
I will think up something for mine.....and write about it tomorrow.
I practice this probably way more often than you ever have, so I will try to make mine challenging for me....although I do have an issue....I'm rather fearless in most cases. When its even there I do it anyway because I will fucking burn its ass (any fear) into nothingness.
Maybe I'll clean the stove..... (because I don't want to - whiny ass excuse here)
fuck...
I wrote a very short screenplay on my new Final Draft program.
I think I LIKE it!!! It was so easy! It's only a few pages long, but I can tell why this program is the bomb. It does everything for you but type the words. Perfecto.
Maybe I'll post it. It does have a bad word or two in it and it involves an alien and a guy named Dr. Juju. Very short, very simple. I literately wrote it on the fly just so I could test it out.
I want to try to do the beats with Victory on it too, but I realize I really don't need to be sitting at the computer all day. And having them in actual card form will be easier overall, although it may take longer??
Piano....it took forever....but hard parts of certain things seem to be actually getting easier...I was almost beginning to think that maybe I'm not cut out to do the 'hard' stuff..... almost. So that issue with the hands not wanting to cooperate together....well they will be in for a big surprise when it just starts to actually happen!
Financial Feng-Shui (pronounced fi-nan-shull fung shway) for those of you who don't enjoy other languages (pronounced lang-wedges)
The only clutter I seem to have is in the storage room....and frankly, it's too cold in there to clean it.
I check my money baguas (pronounced baa-goo-uhs) and they are clean everywhere else. Technically (pronounced tek-nih-call-ee) I've taken great care to make sure all parts are clear and clutter free.
Minus the garage....the storage room.....and the oven.
...I should probably find someone to clean my oven....hmmm
that and I still have to wait to pay some things.....why?!!!
Playing chauffeur (pronounced show-fur) tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday...and Saturday...ohmygerd! (pronounced oh-my-gerd)
____________________________________________________________
I was thinking of writing you a story, but alas...the only story I keep replaying in my head is book 5. Which I should probably start writing sooner rather than later, even though I'm still not sure where I want to start it. Sharing a scene or two will just ruin the secret.
I could tell you the qualities of my script...but when it sells, I would need to remember to erase this...so I can't do that.
I could write a letter to someone.... but who?
A song, a poem, a limerick? (pronounced lim-rick)
How about a riddle?
....
probably too hard for the commoners....nevermind.
FFS!!!
Some of us....we live in a world between worlds. Where we have one foot in this reality and in this body...and we have the other in the world of real reality and of that vast ocean.
One would assume we would care to show you the wonders of what's on the other side of the veil. That I would want you to know. But you can't know. Not until you walked through the doors on your own. I want you to know, but I can't ever give it to you. I can't explain the taste of it. The feel of it.
I can't even show you the way there. I didn't lead myself across in the first place. I was never alone on this journey. Not even once. The steps I took could never be the same ones you could take.
I will not hold your hand and carry you forward. That is not my job. If you ask, I can only tell you the answer I know, but it doesn't mean it's the only answer. Or that its your answer.
I'm burning from the inside out. I've thrown thought after thought into the river of lava and watched them burst into flames before my eye. Knowing what is coming without seeing it.
The seraphim....they are here. Whatever their purpose is with me....I accept.
..the other one....the one who visits when dark thoughts move through.... he seemed pleased to have such a short visit with me. Almost like he was satisfied that whatever lessons I had to learn had stuck true and proven. A test perhaps? Whatever, I was also pleased....to tell him goodbye.
and the other...that One. If you held the love of all the stars in your hands and rain fell upward into the heavens and the underworld shone out like sunbeams...it wouldn't come close to being equal to the heart of the King.
If you want to take this journey....young pioneer, eager alchemist, one with a head full of mysteries and those with any need to walk. The King grants requests....every time.
Follow the gypsy's out into the wild, where they dance around the fires. Where the children gather to hear of legends. Where the lost wander even further on purpose. And the rogues and warlocks feel underfoot that the world is good. Find that place....where the pain bubbles over your brim and you overflow with something you can't contain. Where the memories fade into a breeze and the hands of your lover touch warm. Where storms rage. Mountains fall. Mountains rise. And your sons stand tall. Your daughters carry the future. Your soul blazes. Where you are held.
that was way long
Most people, including me, do not like to read long posts where there isn't much white space.
Good luck making it here.
________________________________________________________________________
try this....
do something tomorrow (Jan 3rd) that you most likely wouldn't (because of one of your fears)
then disregard those fears and show them that they are not real, by doing the thing you said.
like paying off a large bill (how....with what money?-add in your whiny ass excuse here)
or cooking a homemade meal (but I don't have all the ingredients - add your whiny ass excuse here)
or taking a jog (it's too cold, my leg is broke - whiny ass excuse here)
or painting a picture (like what....I'm too stupid for imagination - whiny ass excuse here)
or _________ fill in the black with something you really want or would like to do/have/etc. (but but but but but - whiny ass excuse here)
those are only examples. but the lesson is that once you go ahead and do thing you want to do....the other option disappears.
Do you want door number 1 (the cool thing) or door number 2 (the fear keeping you away from the cool thing)?
It is always your choice.
I challenge you.
I will think up something for mine.....and write about it tomorrow.
I practice this probably way more often than you ever have, so I will try to make mine challenging for me....although I do have an issue....I'm rather fearless in most cases. When its even there I do it anyway because I will fucking burn its ass (any fear) into nothingness.
Maybe I'll clean the stove..... (because I don't want to - whiny ass excuse here)
fuck...
Monday, January 1, 2018
the path into the wild
Day 27 - January 1st
not really the actual new year, that starts March 20th when the sun rises in Aries.
but we can hang and play along with you westerners
The moon is rising. Have you gazed upward this night?
Opening the portal.....wide open my friends.
So I did stuff today...
paperwork. lots of it
and other stuff.
want some pictures?
here ya go....
The sewing room that is no longer the sewing room looked like that yesterday.
Not anymore.... things change too fast.
If you blink, you'll miss it.
Know what I'm working on next...
yep....
I'm being summoned. I must retreat from this blog for this day and return with a story for you in the morrow.
someone spelled wilderness wrong...... :/
should be... the WILDNESS is calling....sounds more appropriate.
I should make memes.
I have to go......time is passing
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