I'll spare you now, skip this one.

Day 55

Worked this morning, for 1 hour and 45 mins.
plus maybe 10 minutes to upload stuff.

I think I'm going to the aquarium?
Waiting for the youngest to get a shower and ready.
Homeschool day - which equals discount pricing
For the win!
I probably will not post this blog until after I get back...
so I'll add more later.

Formatting and editing my script is going to
take a bit longer so I'm going to start the countdown
over again to another 10 day formatting commitment.
I wrote it in 6 of 10 days, so hoping I can edit in 6 as well.
But not till after I do 3 days worth of video games.
I'm still being hounded to finish Breath of the Wild.

Went to aquarium.
There's fish there....and turtles.
And gators. and penguins. and otters
and lemurs. and butterflies. and sharks
and salamanders. But the seahorses are gone :(
It's totally not crowded on Mondays, which is great.
______________________________________________

Do I have to wait until the car is fixed to go to level 28 on my list?
It's at the shop....and they will get to it. I did my part already.
So....that means I can proceed, yes?
I'm not really asking you...
I'm asking myself.

What else does my 'self' say?
1) No. The car isn't fixed yet, no cheating.
2) You need to meditate and sleep. Nothing else.
3) Stop asking, do number 2
4) .....

I see myself grimacing.
I'm not amused with myself, apparently.
What the heck am I doing talking to myself?

Oooh....that's right.
None of you people write to me.
Fuck you too, then.

See what I did there. :)
It's called passive aggressiveness
To where I'm not angry or mad at you... or anyone.
but I suppose I'd like to be acknowledged.
I don't know why though.
I don't care for approval or whatnot.
Maybe it's a thing about obtaining proof that I exist.
How can I exist if no one 'sees' me?
Like ultraviolet light.
You don't really know it's there.
But it exists.

I was at a Christian Homeschool Co-op....
and I was told I was just an "extra body...."
.... "ya know....in case we need you."
Well then.....fuck you too.
Am I an extra body to you?


I know my stealth rating is so high it's hard to find myself.
But damn.
Of course, this comes in handy while passing up
those stupid kiosks at the mall or people trying to
hand you pamphlets, or sell you xfinity or verizon shit.
It's great. I just don't know how to turn it off ...err... down.

I'm good at hiding. But why?
Why did I have to hide so much to become a pro at it?
Oh wait.... I know why.
Because you can't handle the truth.
You can't handle seeing your own darkness.
You can't handle standing in the light without melting.
Without burning. Without becoming blind.
So I spared you.

I spared you my words.
they come out sometimes as FUCK
sometimes come out praising Jesus Christ.
sometimes telling you a story
sometimes creating a dream
I spared you my heart.
it pours out with a plea for love.
it rages with passion
sometimes it devours.
I spared you my magic.
the kind that creates the uncreated
or walks as a god
or sacrifices everything from the sky to the sea...
I spared you....
I spared you.....
from me.



awww...look, it kinda rhymes.
So... what's up peoples.
I'm bored and tired and have been
treading in the shallows.
Nothing deep to say I guess.
What do I want to say...hmmm?
Nothing.