Resolution.... oh, you mean a re-solution....because the first one didn't quite work out very well...neither did the second, or third. Or do you mean, reso---lution, resounding evolution? Meaning we can't really make a difference in what is already prepared to play out before us?
I can't remember what this past year's resolution was...so therefore means nothing. And therefore, I won't be making any New Year's re-solutions for 2015, because we are on a different path, one that involves a more trusting release of solving my own problems...well 'occurrences', since I don't consider anything much of a problem.
There's nothing to solve and I'm not understanding the reasons certain occurrences seem to complicate the lives of so many around me. They ask for help, they ask for prayer, they ask and plead and beg and sob and cry and wear their struggles on their masks....dripping all over the place with their tears and devote neediness.... I'm standing in the sunshine and I don't understand them.
I don't ask for help, I don't ask for prayers, I don't plead or beg or wear my struggles (or as I see them, blessings) on my face or on my masks I've set on fire. The only thing dripping to the floor in a hot mess of molten globs are those pieces of me that aren't me.
......(bunch of stuff I wrote here but deleted)......
see what I did there...I put on another one....damn it.
I would try to make a resolution to stop replacing one with another, but I think this world has literately trapped me into it's glitched prison that I can only escape by remembering once again and again those things I already know....ugh.
Let me tell you a story.....
There's this puzzle in the breakroom at work. It's been there since I started back in November and it is still there sitting on the same table, still unfinished. Much of it is complete, but there are a few large gaping holes in it...incomplete.... and this is a reflection of my life. All the rest of the piece are in the box next to it and I already know what the picture is too. I used to work on it during my breaks, but I don't any longer. Maybe someone does. It had been different earlier (partly complete in different places), but someone or something had knocked a bunch out of whack and some pieces had been scattered on the floor. This is when I basically gave up working on it.
Well...long story short....I don't really think my life has gaping holes or any missing pieces, it's just a bit discombobulated at the moment....and maybe someone will put it together and finish it, or maybe I'll start working on it again, or maybe they'll finally just shove it all back in the box....doesn't matter. The picture already exists, the puzzle was solved before it was ever cut into 500 pieces, and my very good friend has assured me the gaping holes aren't there because he's not here.....but because you can't always see when all the trees are in the way.
Yeah, there's trees in the pic that aren't done....and people raking up all the leaves...cleaning up the things that have fallen away and waiting until spring comes.... god I love this life.
Do you know what a prayer is....it's an exchange. You are giving up and releasing what you are praying for....and in exchange you are receiving what God is praying for.
So...yeah, I'm assuming no one gives a shit about what I write here and no one takes any ounce of worth from anything I do, but that's okay. I guess I can tell you about the mundane things that occur around here..for those who just like to know my mask-y business.
sewing work starts back up today actually, but not really until tomorrow. I flip flop back and forth about whether or not I want to put forth the effort to do certain things relating to sewing work stuff. I'm so indecisive, but that's probably just for today.... totally the curse of being a Pisces. I work one more day this week at my other job, um yay! and I look forward to the next economic crash so our finances will be in much better shape...because we are the opposite of the world. And, let's see...ummmm.....I finally got that feeling the other day....the vibrational change or something...things are headed onward and upward! *claps hands like a loon.
really though, I'm just excited that it's closer to the time I get to bring home two little samurai. But you know me...it's the little things that make me happy. And I'll get to actually work on my book again tomorrow evening! Hooray! Maybe I can finish it in January...it might only have 2 or 3 chapters left.
anyway....it's like late....and I should probably save the daylight hours tomorrow to do something productive, so I'm outta here.
I just realized something....that same stupid feeling you get when you are working a crossword puzzle and the answer hits you and you realize what a dolt you are for not knowing the answer an hour ago.....about that lighthouse I wrote about.... a light house...house of light. Full of stars and of the sun....and not loaded down with burdens by the ton....Ha even that puzzle has a house in it...with lights in the windows. It really is the little things.
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