Things are beautiful. No matter how hard they are to see that way....
Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time there was a young girl in her late twenties. She had a job and a family. She was happy....in all except for her weight. She wasn't too large, not really even considered fat, but she had more on her than she was comfortable with. She felt fat and her clothes never fit right, and she would go out of her way to wear items that would hide the too much rolling skin areas. She was happy, all except for that excess...that little bit of excess.
So each night she would talk to God in her prayers, asking for a way to get healthy, to get thinner, to feel better about herself....and each day went by unfulfilled.
Continuing on in her nightly routine, she just decided to spill it and demanded that something be done. That this thought of herself was dissolving her self confidence. She wanted action!
Not too long after she was struck with an illness. One that didn't have answers. She lost weight, quickly and painfully. She was scared for her life. No one knew what was wrong with her. Food made her sick, not eating made her sick. She suffered.
Each night she would talk to God in her prayers, asking for a way to get healthy, to be cured, for answers to this suffering....she cried...each night.
Each day went by unfulfilled.
Then after many many months...a year or so...something happened inside herself....she sat down and told God that she accepted everything. She accepted her suffering, her sickness, her pain. She accepted not knowing any answers. She accepted what was hers to bear....and she thanked Him. She said she would carry this as long as He needed her to.
Soon after, things changed....more things became clearer and a few answers appeared. Not long later new info was available....she had answers....she became whole once again. Perhaps not the best like before, but now she carried something even better....trust, respect, and a love for herself the way she is, no matter what...a deeper rooted love for God, a new found compassion, and a softer voice, a more humbled heart...and a wholesome life... He gave her all she needed in the beginning, but to show her what she had, she had to have new eyes...
These are gifts only One certain person can give. Accept all things, as they are perfect, you just have to be able to see that perfection in them.....
Like that one? I hope so...
I feel sad....today I am a failure... maybe not really in the whole spectrum of things, but one bad thing can cover all the good things...and that one thing is pitiful. Today I hate myself....at least right now anyway.
I have taken the first step in fixing things....the issue is that there is a few more miles to go till it may become a distant memory. I suck.
Today wasn't even bad, as I won a great deal on my dd's birthday present... (okay so it's a present for everyone, but still) and I ....can't even remember what I did the rest of the day, ugh. I sewed all I could because I'm out of elastic. Though I could sew up some fairies...hmmm.
But nope, I want to write, so here I am....and I may even work on my book too.....as spending time with my characters is a great way to feel happy again....
Maybe I can talk the kids into doing something...it's trying to figure out what that something is...
I don;t like tv, even though it can effectively take you away from your problems...however, I find it more appealing to face them straight on...
You know what....I have another story similar to that first one, but I'm not sure what it actually taught besides proof of God. I will share it later though....as I am a chicken when it comes to sharing things like that...because it still shakes you on the inside each and every time you try to speak the words that have to do with a spiritual experience. And you end up getting freaked out again.... I am weird, lol. I can't even go back and read things on my deviant art journal without freaking myself out....although I am the only one who's been there...and when I can't remember writing it, or worse yet, when what I wrote coincides with something that happened just after...it's really freaky....
Now I used to be what others would call psychic back in my teenage years, but I can't do all that stuff nowadays, I guess it really does fade away....besides having strange experiences later on..... but I totally assume everyone else has them too, they just don't notice things like I do...whatever, let's get off the subject. Or the thumpers will come after me and start spreading more rumors about things they don;t understand....bite me. I only have one cauldron...and I haven't touched my tarot cards in years, lol... no really, I don't have a cauldron, I don;t think I even own a black pot..or black candle...and I don't sit to the north either, and I don;t pray on my knees, or clasp my hands together...or shake some beads around and chant some rosary, or bow to anything, or say grace before dinner... (okay, actually we do say grace...but it's literately "Grace" unless it's Thanksgiving or Christmas) yes, I'm shameful....but I give thanks to Him all day everyday...and when I forget it's okay. I'm not required to do anything, not sure why others think they are? I'm not special, why do I get to enjoy this bliss alone?? :(
Let me rephrase that...I am not 'required' to do anything, but that doesn't mean I don;t 'want' to do something....I have got to go before we get into some deep shit that people will distort and twist until they can make it go against themselves...whether it's to make me look bad, or whether they just need the thought that they are getting prosecuted, idk, I don;t care. I kinda like watching their kingdoms shake and crumble....because if they will allow it, He will build it better than they ever could.
I guess we should offend someone to test their foundations...let's make that the word of the month!!! Last month it was "Educate", this month it will be "Offend"...because Our goal is to make sure your faith can stand...
I have a picture I saw today...at first I laughed because it was funny, not based on the pic itself, but because of the posts I was reading and it kinda matched rally well....then after rally rereading it, I thought it was awful...Kinda sad too...I knew it would be something that would definitely offend certain people...it didn't offend me personally, but I want you to see it and tell me what you think, or if you won;t share your thoughts, then think about how it makes you feel and why it does that, and then reread it and see it from a different perspective on how it could be seen as non-offensive......
ready?
Now is it bad, that I still laugh when I read it?? Does that make me mean or bad?? No, I just have a sense of humor even though I admire those that experience life through different perspectives and challenges. I'm not offended, because no matter how I may appear, I know I still love and do not hold any negative reactions to things.... There is a quote I rad before that would fit perfectly with our offending class...but I have to look it up and I have no idea where in that book it is.....the book is called "Gardening at the Dragon's Gate" I will find the quote for you though and we can talk about it tomorrow... :)
Love all you wonderful muchrooms, shade and sweet water!
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