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Do you know that point just before you go all super saiyan?
like Vegeta...not Goku.
I favor the bad guys that are good guys deep inside.
My very good friend is like that.
He'd choke a guy out and bust his face in, but will give you the last donut because he loves you.
Yeah.
Anyway. I had some interesting conversations of late.
I'm rather fascinated that the simple easy 'should be' obvious shit always takes the longest to learn.
Why is that?
I now feel like a super saiyan jedi pleading for "MORE!!" I WANT MORE!!" crazy shit.
Like Vegeta, but with a cooler story line and more blood.
How close can you get to a star?
That unlimited potential to burst forth into a god, or a demon.
I feel I would take the side of the enemy. That I would be the antagonist.
I would be the destroyer. I would be death and destruction.
Oh, but it's so beautiful.
Because afterwards. Love would reign. And I would cheer for it.
The bad guy that's really a good guy, deep deep down.
I'm actively working on reprogramming myself.
I hope you can keep up with me.
Shit. I hope I can keep up with myself, truthfully.
All I need to do is remember. Remember.
Tie a string around my finger like old people used to do.
Whatever it takes. I'll do it.
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That guy won't reply to my questions about that 4runner.
But if he did.... and I liked the answers. I'd have it by Monday.
You better fucking believe it.
"The 4runner guy will respond today. That 4runner is mine. It will be in my driveway Monday."
"I command it."
^^ Hey, now, my manifesting powers work randomly, I have to oblige the possibilities that what I say will come to pass. You should try it. ^^
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Do you know the feeling when Metallica is playing in the background and you're like on fire and energy is coursing through your veins (like a super saiyan!) and the matter and atoms of the universe are going slow as sludge to do what they need to do....but you're still new to this channeling thing and your patience level is blaring this irritating buzzer sound, but there's seemingly nothing you can do about it except wait. But you can't remember at the time that you don't even have to do that. You just have to fucking feel the present event as having come to pass and the waiting no more. But even though you know and write about it, your still stuck on the edge of psychosis of impatience.
That. = Me.
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I also realized of late.... that many of my feelings....aren't even mine.
How's that for a dose of growth.
The curse of being an empath and too much misinformation on google.
I knew many of the thoughts coming into my head weren't mine.
So those are easily diverted into either useful stories or I let them pass on.
The feelings...I figured all this time were either mine, or I was mirroring someone else's, or my subconscious was going on some tirade I didn't know about. I was literately trying to figure out why I felt crappy by thinking up pretend scenarios in my head for a reason to feel that way. Or I assumed someone died or something bad happened....which is sometimes the case, but feels a lot different.
So...as of late. Like maybe 13 hours ago.
The feelings aren't mine either. Like those thoughts that pass through.
I'm just a .... I'm the gateway in a sense.
There are seven gates that surround the kingdom of heaven.
----the thoughts....they originate from somewhere and pass outward through my sixth gate trying to come to life (that is, trying to manifest in this plane) Sometimes they linger and force me to bring them into matter. Like those stories. These movies. Some are rather brutal and I pass on them. Some I tweak with my own imagination and I can make them mine. But many of them, are not.
----the feelings....they originate from somewhere and pass out through my second or third? gate trying to ?? come to life. (that is, trying to send out their vibration to either transform itself or the outer world) They linger and force me to recognize them. Well...now that I know they aren't mine. I can let them pass too, instead of trying to justify them. Not that I always justify them, but sometimes I'm like 'where the fuck this come from?' ' I'm not sad.'??? They want transmuted. I understand. I am an alchemist after all.
There are seven gates. We are the kingdom. Break me open and pour out of me. I accept.
What does it take for a star to be born??
Like cracking through a layer of stone....of calcium. (metaphysical alchemist's term, I won't explain to commoners)
So....yeah, my adventures are amazing balls!
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Victory beat cards are up on the board. I need to tweak a B story...I have a lot of dialogue, but the scenes are few. I need a name for a fox that isn't Zen. (He's the fox in The Fox Prince.)
I need to add more backstory for Victory and more story for how he's unappreciated.
Will be editing The Fox Prince tonight and tweaking it a bit.
I have yardsale stuff to bring upstairs.
I might go lie down in the driveway and take a nap.
It's warm outside still. <3
Shower. Dinner. Pick up the oldest from the Con.
Updating my programming.
Loud music.
Converse with universal beings.
Fuck yeah. I love everyone.
Let's go super saiyan! AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAAAAAAAHAHHAAAAAAAAHhhhh
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