Sometimes I forget. I forget that lighthouses are towers and that towers have many steps....
Steps that seem unending and go on and on and on.
Steps that are cradled in darkness.
Steps that seem like the same step over and over again.
These tiring steps.
I didn't think about how hard it was going to be when I asked to be a lighthouse.
I didn't even realize how dark this flight of spiral stairs was going to be...I didn't even think about the steps....maybe I thought I could just fly to the top. I'm not sure what I was thinking.
Oh yeah...I was thinking of the blinding light that stretches out over the seas and thrusts the darkness into oblivion.... I was thinking that the waves could never break it open or make it tremble. I was thinking of the swirling colors of joy I'd paint it.
Oh but these steps.... they've made me want to surrender.
I was there in the spiral, struggling to force one leg upward, in the dim damp dark. Cursing these steps.
He was there just a step ahead of me. He turned back to me.
"Where do you go? Where do you go when I can't find you?" I had asked him. A bit of rage upon my tongue, because I hate it when he does that. I was grumbling...with honesty.
"Where do you think I go, when I'm not here?" He asked me in return.
and he always answers the real questions with real questions that give real answers. My heart echoed the answer and I no longer feel the need to grumble...or even ever ask that again.
............ I go to prepare a place for you.........
Well, obviously I should have thought of that before asking the question, but I didn't. Maybe I thought he was just watching me freak out a bit every now and then from afar....for unendless reasons...but simply, no...he was doing something important for me....duh.
I can't remember now...but these steps...these steps I love. They told me a story the past few days. No, they wrote me a story. And I seem to find that taking the next step is easier. Turning up the next spiral is fulfilling. Slowly watching the darkness turn to a dim light is perfection....and we are almost to the top...or perhaps a window. I will accept either. I will accept a thousand more steps....a thousand more after that...so long as I can take them with you.
......and that song ...it played in my head today and those words seem more beautiful. And I laugh, because I know he has a sense of humor and he sends me these songs for no other reason than to see me smile....and to remind me that we are more than what we can imagine...and so is he.
"But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZ4Ib-7fJqY
"You are the ocean. And you are the forest, and the river, and the mountain. You are the sun, and the moon. You are the wind, the field, the earth, and the sky. You are the stars, and you are the fire."
This is what we are. All different, each of us. But we are one.... we are won.
He told me that the other day....thought I might share.
He speaks like a poet.
Anyway.... what's been happening in the other world in which I live...?
Sewing work. But I happen to like sewing work...most of the time.
Business stuff, like paperwork, and bills, and post office errands.
painting a table....that needs a second coat still.
Making a leprechaun costume...
Get to do cage stuff tomorrow I think for the boy. And if not raining, a parade.
Other plans....but I'm really just satisfied that I got the chance to write this blog post finally. It's been hanging with me for a week now. Although I wouldn't have gotten that song unless I was forced to wait...hmmm.
Been missing my very good friend. Just haven't been able to chat lately.
But grateful the boss man is present recently.
Universal vibes have been giving me a sense of something exciting is on the way. ....well, I say universal vibes...but the boss man is chilling with me and everything is exciting when he's here. And there's totally some light up ahead..I can see it.
Not like I see this weird 4th dimensional stuff, but really....awesomeness is approaching.
And I feel like writing a book.... and playing a song...
..yep...that's it.
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