He held me like a child and I laid my head upon his shoulder. "Nothing's wrong." I would say, but there wasn't any joy in those words. Perhaps the weariness of these waves pounded too hard against these walls recently. Those soft sunny days and warm breezes were being missed. We knew the tower would always stand and we knew the sun had to come out again, but maybe even though I hadn't forgotten that, I sighed with this burden.
But that wasn't it, or not all of it. "Are you ashamed?" He would ask.
Maybe. Maybe, what did that really mean after all? Ashamed of being this tower and scoured with the force of these waves, from this ocean? Embarrassed for making these choices, those choices, picking those options, choosing wrong, or choosing right? Would any choice be the correct one? A lighthouse wasn't meant to stand upon the sunny fields, or dance upon the colorful flowers. A lighthouse, a star, a river, a child.... was meant to have it all.
"Are you happy now?" He asked. right now...at this moment...this moment while I hold you close and whisper in your ear? While my arms hold you firmly upon the rock?
"Yes. I'm happy right now...right at this moment..."
"Then be happy now." He said. Happy in this moment. Now. And this moment. Now. And this moment. Now.
And that old illusion of time drifted away...and all troubles were forgotten, and all issues were laid to rest upon that rock. And none of those choices ever mattered, those decisions could never be wrong, and wrong doesn't exist, and shame can't exist either unless you think you're all alone.
Tell me why He does this? Takes these warped shadows and shines them into nothing...no thing. Reminding this forgetful child that shadows don't exist if you are looking at the sunlight. Blinded by that kind of love. And you'd never know what that was until you turned away from your own shadow.
I've said too much. And I ponder the sound of my own voice. The mind can't speak with words what it was meant to say with thoughts. Vibrations can't be found upon the tongue, and there's no way to find my brothers and sisters by saying such things or writing such things...and all I can hope for is that they can find me and overlook any stupid words that spill out from this mouth. This fleshy bit of manifested creation that always fails to really say what it means to. And this child cries upon the Lord's shoulder and He smiles. He is totally not mocking me...is he?
"No one was ever meant to speak with the heart." He snickers. "Why do you keep trying to?"
maybe because lips say the wrong things and the head is even worse. And so he'll say something about speaking with lips 'from' the heart, but even that gets transmitted the wrong way.....ugh.
"Hearts don't speak. They beat like the pounding of the ocean." He whispers. He looks away, out somewhere, pondering maybe?
what? and this tear covered child looks at him silent....hearing those beats inside his chest....
This is a safe place. Here. Now. In THIS moment. And the waves crash hard....and I'm in His arms.
"You can always find me here." He says.
Here. Now. In THIS moment.
So....what's right with the world....? Yeah, just everything.
on Chapter 24 and on the last stretch of storyline before the big fun read through proofread takes up many hours of my day.....because yeah, I start reading my own book and enjoy it because I often don't remember writing 80% of it....though I do know what happens in the end. :) if you can call it that?? ;)
And working for other people isn't too bad, though 5 hour shifts are much more enjoyable than anything longer than that.
Sewing work....actually on schedule (can you believe that?) and I hear the wind is blowing like crazy outside...yeesh. I like wind though.
Thanksgiving tomorrow and I don't have to cook! yay. but I do have to go to work...uh..yay? doesn't matter really though, just a day of the week, and I get to do thanks-giving everyday.
let's see.....I'm kinda mad that my favorite cat is awol. And if he comes home he is going to go through shock at taking a crash course in 'indoor cat only status'. Otherwise, when finances become more like paying bills instead of hoping to pay bills....I'm going to bring home two kitties and they will be indoor only kitties....and our current 'I like to be indoor only' cat Foxy will finally have someone to play with.....assuming that she approves of at least one of them. And they are going to be youtubed and photographed alot for creative endeavors....because it's not like I have anything else to do.
um...yeah, blah blah, other stuff...and if you really want to know, you'll just have to ask me.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Let the storm rage on....the cold never bothered me anyway....
"Do you not trust me?"
Maybe He said it or maybe I said it for Him...but either way, there's a lesson within it.
'Let It Go' keeps playing in my head all day and throughout the night. I'm rather thankful I don't know all the lyrics for this reason.
We had a conversation about the trees the other day and I'm still contemplating what all He meant by what He said. Trying to grasp at the treasure inside those words....and 'Let It Go' starts playing the chorus once again....
Even that dreaded horoscope that flashed on my facebook page mentioned the same thing....synchronicity at it's finest....and I know that voice.
And again....today that same voice and I smile every single time I hear Him, because there is no other sound more beautiful.
The leaves, the leaves that fall upon my driveway, and the yard, and the roof, and everything....I love these leaves. Our shedding of the old ways, the burning away of everything that is not Us...and the trees are filled with a fire of color. And they fall away, like our failures and our burdens, and our doubts will surely fall away. We can trust upon the spring, trust upon a new season, and trust that He will reveal our treasures in His time.
That almost sounded lame up there ^^ ^^ not the meaning but the use of those fancy words other people use....going to have to elaborate more on my content and vocabulary....Ugh, the trials of independence and non-conformity are pressing hard this day.
What's new....well, let's just say nothing actually 'new', but something along the lines of that burning up of the old...and this is a good thing, I totally trust in that.
There it is again.... 'that' song....and sometimes 'Everything is Awesome' starts adding a few lines in here and there. I love His sense of humor.
I'm on chapter 23 of my book, so that is going well at least, and Mr. Clean is doing a fine job of cleansing and spending quality time with me too. I feel all loved and not neglected.
2 Orders I hope to finish tonight, possibly make it to chapter 24.... Laundry, dishes, dinner, and a work day tomorrow... :P not sure if I like working for someone else, lol. temporary, temporary....I can totally do this... there's no song for stamina...
Maybe He said it or maybe I said it for Him...but either way, there's a lesson within it.
'Let It Go' keeps playing in my head all day and throughout the night. I'm rather thankful I don't know all the lyrics for this reason.
We had a conversation about the trees the other day and I'm still contemplating what all He meant by what He said. Trying to grasp at the treasure inside those words....and 'Let It Go' starts playing the chorus once again....
Even that dreaded horoscope that flashed on my facebook page mentioned the same thing....synchronicity at it's finest....and I know that voice.
And again....today that same voice and I smile every single time I hear Him, because there is no other sound more beautiful.
The leaves, the leaves that fall upon my driveway, and the yard, and the roof, and everything....I love these leaves. Our shedding of the old ways, the burning away of everything that is not Us...and the trees are filled with a fire of color. And they fall away, like our failures and our burdens, and our doubts will surely fall away. We can trust upon the spring, trust upon a new season, and trust that He will reveal our treasures in His time.
That almost sounded lame up there ^^ ^^ not the meaning but the use of those fancy words other people use....going to have to elaborate more on my content and vocabulary....Ugh, the trials of independence and non-conformity are pressing hard this day.
What's new....well, let's just say nothing actually 'new', but something along the lines of that burning up of the old...and this is a good thing, I totally trust in that.
There it is again.... 'that' song....and sometimes 'Everything is Awesome' starts adding a few lines in here and there. I love His sense of humor.
I'm on chapter 23 of my book, so that is going well at least, and Mr. Clean is doing a fine job of cleansing and spending quality time with me too. I feel all loved and not neglected.
2 Orders I hope to finish tonight, possibly make it to chapter 24.... Laundry, dishes, dinner, and a work day tomorrow... :P not sure if I like working for someone else, lol. temporary, temporary....I can totally do this... there's no song for stamina...
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Lighthouses aren't built to fall
Cryptic....and I'm not sorry to do it to you.
I stand firm upon the rock and unwavering against the waves. The water isn't even cold anymore. Almost...almost like a massage....a message. Pulsating...throbbing with this beaming light. A lighthouse with walls painted of dreams, joy plastered to the walls. Stones of strength....
....and why can't that be enough?
I see him trembling. His foundations rocking to and fro with every wave. I see him fight against the sea. Cursing the waves and gasping for breath from the chilled waters. Does he not know he too stands upon the rock...can he not remember? I watch and I lift him up....
....and why can't love be enough to bring him up from the depths?
What good is our love if it doesn't reach out far enough? What good is the presence of a lighthouse if our light fades into the fog and our dreams can't give hope to those who need it and our joy can't give joy to those who need it, and our strength can't give strength to those who need it....and why....why can't our love be enough.
Love conquers all....no.... only His love conquers all....and ask me how I know....
Ours can't lift them up from the sea. Can't lead them to shore. Can't carry them to safety, and doesn't bring them home. All it does is endures. It carries us, it holds onto and keeps shining out, without favor, without end.....and maybe....maybe if they see..... maybe if they would have it, if they could recognize it.....then maybe it could lead them to Him too...and they can carry that love....cause that's all that is sustainable.
Has he forgotten you? And the lighthouse isn't bright enough to lead him to you, no matter that there's a neon sign on the door that says "Enter within" and there's no easy way to say that he has forgotten you and has forgotten himself and has forgotten me too. And when you tell me you are working on it, working on him.....I believe you...and omg you didn't ever tell me it would take this long, and is bound to take much longer, and I probably would have argued with you about had you told me that in the beginning.
But I know....he is stubborn. And the lighthouse knows he thinks the light is just a pretty star only there to laugh at him....but the lighthouse doesn't laugh. The lighthouse stands strong waiting for him to enter within. The lighthouse....even the lighthouse knows it would be useless without the light.
And deep inside at the base of the shore....I pound my fists and I crawl into the dark shadows and I make myself feel the cold so I can understand why he looks away. This lighthouse will never stop shining dammit. Because this lighthouse knows the love that lasts forever and everyone deserves a taste of it. Pound on waves...thundering crashing deafening waves....I will stand. And the light will light up your ocean and those who seek refuge may enter within and this light will endure....come. He is within.
And I can't show you the light. You can only find it for yourself.....and those of you who write your words not intended for anyone else to read.....know that that too is light....light in dark places....and I thank you for leaving personal journals in random places, lost and forgotten, and I thank God for making me not even read them until the perfect time, and know that you've brought me to shore.
Don't listen to a word I say.....The screams all sound the same..... Though the truth may vary, this....ship will carry our....bodies safe to shore.
found something....in this twilight... 'if He sent it...He would have signed it' theory.
well...His signature is on everything.... and now we are on to the next lesson.
thought you might like to know what I found the other day.
I stand firm upon the rock and unwavering against the waves. The water isn't even cold anymore. Almost...almost like a massage....a message. Pulsating...throbbing with this beaming light. A lighthouse with walls painted of dreams, joy plastered to the walls. Stones of strength....
....and why can't that be enough?
I see him trembling. His foundations rocking to and fro with every wave. I see him fight against the sea. Cursing the waves and gasping for breath from the chilled waters. Does he not know he too stands upon the rock...can he not remember? I watch and I lift him up....
....and why can't love be enough to bring him up from the depths?
What good is our love if it doesn't reach out far enough? What good is the presence of a lighthouse if our light fades into the fog and our dreams can't give hope to those who need it and our joy can't give joy to those who need it, and our strength can't give strength to those who need it....and why....why can't our love be enough.
Love conquers all....no.... only His love conquers all....and ask me how I know....
Ours can't lift them up from the sea. Can't lead them to shore. Can't carry them to safety, and doesn't bring them home. All it does is endures. It carries us, it holds onto and keeps shining out, without favor, without end.....and maybe....maybe if they see..... maybe if they would have it, if they could recognize it.....then maybe it could lead them to Him too...and they can carry that love....cause that's all that is sustainable.
Has he forgotten you? And the lighthouse isn't bright enough to lead him to you, no matter that there's a neon sign on the door that says "Enter within" and there's no easy way to say that he has forgotten you and has forgotten himself and has forgotten me too. And when you tell me you are working on it, working on him.....I believe you...and omg you didn't ever tell me it would take this long, and is bound to take much longer, and I probably would have argued with you about had you told me that in the beginning.
But I know....he is stubborn. And the lighthouse knows he thinks the light is just a pretty star only there to laugh at him....but the lighthouse doesn't laugh. The lighthouse stands strong waiting for him to enter within. The lighthouse....even the lighthouse knows it would be useless without the light.
And deep inside at the base of the shore....I pound my fists and I crawl into the dark shadows and I make myself feel the cold so I can understand why he looks away. This lighthouse will never stop shining dammit. Because this lighthouse knows the love that lasts forever and everyone deserves a taste of it. Pound on waves...thundering crashing deafening waves....I will stand. And the light will light up your ocean and those who seek refuge may enter within and this light will endure....come. He is within.
And I can't show you the light. You can only find it for yourself.....and those of you who write your words not intended for anyone else to read.....know that that too is light....light in dark places....and I thank you for leaving personal journals in random places, lost and forgotten, and I thank God for making me not even read them until the perfect time, and know that you've brought me to shore.
Don't listen to a word I say.....The screams all sound the same..... Though the truth may vary, this....ship will carry our....bodies safe to shore.
found something....in this twilight... 'if He sent it...He would have signed it' theory.
well...His signature is on everything.... and now we are on to the next lesson.
thought you might like to know what I found the other day.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
I feel the love... And I feel it burn... Down this river every turn
"Did you see what you did today?" He asks me while the sky is covered in a midnight blanket.
"No...?" I answer like a teenager, thinking if I had done something that might be perceived as wrong.
"I saw what you did." He smiles as he sends me images of myself....images of what I did do.
I played pretend real-life Minecraft with 5, 6, and 7 year old kids. I enticed one little kid out of the corner, as he was feeling disconnected with the others....and being that I knew he knows more than I could about Minecraft, I brought the subject up, as what would allow him to feel comfortable stepping away from the wall other than what he enjoys. Minecraft. Yeah, that video game with blocks, and creepers, and ender men. We started pretend building..and of course, everyone else wanted to know what we were doing...so yeah, they all probably knowing more about Minecraft than me, and started building as well. We made a tower, and laid tracks for a roller coaster. We all sat in the minecart and rode it too. We killed creepers and a few pigs so we could eat. We mined for diamonds and red stone and set up a crafting table to enchant our pick axes ans swords. We got some ender pearls and threw ourselves ...way over there. It was rather uneventful. But hey, the kid got out of the corner. I guess that's what the boss man was really concerned about.
Anyway, I get to paint a star.
"Add it to the sky." He says.
He's been catching me almost every day now. Every day. "How are you today?" He begins.
This is new. I like new.
I'm not sure why I came here. I suspected I would want to write about something....but no. I am not sharing much of anything lately. I think I'm just waiting for the right person to ask me.
Nothing to gripe about either. I'm complete.
I'm listening to itunes right now, and I almost forgot how inspiring some of my songs are. I don't get to listen much anymore, since I have a child who plays Minecraft on my computer during the time that I work, so i don't get music time. Will need to find a solution whenever I can focus on it....and afford it at the same time.
Recently, all I can focus on is book 3 of Angel of MidKnight. I'm on Chapter 18...like the very end of it...so I hope to have it written by Christmas, lol. We shall see. I want to go write now, but other than finding something (anything) to do here in internet land, I should be finishing up a dress I made and getting it packed up to be shipped.
I didn't even procrastinate on it...it just takes a long time to make.
I did turn down an order yesterday too. I was a bit on the fence about it, as we really NEED the money like you wouldn't believe, but I just can't take anything else on right now. I'm almost glad no one is buying right now. I'd rather be writing anyway. Taking pictures, learning songs on the piano, drawing, painting, ...listening to music while I lay in the driveway. <---- The good life right there.
I'm anticipating a self imposed vacation the beginning of November. So you will not find me online much except to write here on this blog if I get an inkling to do so. Probably not, as I only get that kind of urge in the middle of the night when I'm trying to fall asleep, and I'm too lazy to get up.
I've lost interest now, so I think I'm done.
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Yeah, we'll be counting stars
Everything that kills me.....makes me feel alive.
"No...?" I answer like a teenager, thinking if I had done something that might be perceived as wrong.
"I saw what you did." He smiles as he sends me images of myself....images of what I did do.
I played pretend real-life Minecraft with 5, 6, and 7 year old kids. I enticed one little kid out of the corner, as he was feeling disconnected with the others....and being that I knew he knows more than I could about Minecraft, I brought the subject up, as what would allow him to feel comfortable stepping away from the wall other than what he enjoys. Minecraft. Yeah, that video game with blocks, and creepers, and ender men. We started pretend building..and of course, everyone else wanted to know what we were doing...so yeah, they all probably knowing more about Minecraft than me, and started building as well. We made a tower, and laid tracks for a roller coaster. We all sat in the minecart and rode it too. We killed creepers and a few pigs so we could eat. We mined for diamonds and red stone and set up a crafting table to enchant our pick axes ans swords. We got some ender pearls and threw ourselves ...way over there. It was rather uneventful. But hey, the kid got out of the corner. I guess that's what the boss man was really concerned about.
Anyway, I get to paint a star.
"Add it to the sky." He says.
He's been catching me almost every day now. Every day. "How are you today?" He begins.
This is new. I like new.
I'm not sure why I came here. I suspected I would want to write about something....but no. I am not sharing much of anything lately. I think I'm just waiting for the right person to ask me.
Nothing to gripe about either. I'm complete.
I'm listening to itunes right now, and I almost forgot how inspiring some of my songs are. I don't get to listen much anymore, since I have a child who plays Minecraft on my computer during the time that I work, so i don't get music time. Will need to find a solution whenever I can focus on it....and afford it at the same time.
Recently, all I can focus on is book 3 of Angel of MidKnight. I'm on Chapter 18...like the very end of it...so I hope to have it written by Christmas, lol. We shall see. I want to go write now, but other than finding something (anything) to do here in internet land, I should be finishing up a dress I made and getting it packed up to be shipped.
I didn't even procrastinate on it...it just takes a long time to make.
I did turn down an order yesterday too. I was a bit on the fence about it, as we really NEED the money like you wouldn't believe, but I just can't take anything else on right now. I'm almost glad no one is buying right now. I'd rather be writing anyway. Taking pictures, learning songs on the piano, drawing, painting, ...listening to music while I lay in the driveway. <---- The good life right there.
I'm anticipating a self imposed vacation the beginning of November. So you will not find me online much except to write here on this blog if I get an inkling to do so. Probably not, as I only get that kind of urge in the middle of the night when I'm trying to fall asleep, and I'm too lazy to get up.
I've lost interest now, so I think I'm done.
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Yeah, we'll be counting stars
Everything that kills me.....makes me feel alive.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Everything is awesome....
It is night and the stars are out...I think, I hadn't had a chance to go outside just yet.
This is going to be a rather quick post (I hope) because I've got some serious writing to do on Book 3 of Angel of MidKnight....I'm currently on Chapter 10.
In other news I recently made a stupid video for Hobo Patch, and ShadowDragon Dreams is going rather well. I'm hoping my recent new employees will keep up the good work and I hope they get quicker so I can not worry so much....
I want to explain myself a bit this very fine evening.
Isn't that a rare thing....explaining myself, like I have always done, but for some reason no one really understands what I'm saying. Nor do they listen. I've gotten used to it, and frankly, I really don't mind at all. I feel rather like a treasure....something kept hidden so no one steals its glory.
But anyway, we recently watched the Lego Movie.
Remember the part where they said that Emmet blended in so well that he was invisible..... that is me. Totally.
I can get along with anyone, even if I really don't like you. The way to tell if I don't like you is that you may only see me once....and if it's any more than that, I won't be around listening to you speak, doesn't matter what you are saying.
I can relate to many as well....even if I've passed that point of my life and now I think it's rather drab....or I haven't reached it yet and therefore think I'm invincible to it. Or I'm in it....and I understand, but don't talk about it because I'm still learning my way through and don't want to sound like a goon for thinking I actually know what I'm doing. Ha, I never know what I'm doing really.
Even if I'm really passionate about certain things, I'm to the point of not sharing my ideas because everyone is either sick of hearing about it, they don't care because it doesn't relate to them, or they really don't understand.....mostly it's the latter. So I remain silent, and when I get talkative, I still feel alone because everyone I know lives in this world.......and I do not.
I know a few people who don't, but I haven't met them...or they are on the other side already and are spared watching my shortcomings and failures and regrets.
What else.....I'm rather happy and joyful most of the time.....except when adults throw temper tantrums and being considerate and unable to waste energy, I let them. This drives me insane, however I just don't have the energy to give.
I've related people to a piece of star dust....and their star dust is wrapped up tightly below their layers and layers of whatever it is that they think they need....for many it is covered by fear...ego...regret...hate...doubt. I see this in them and I want to help them peel back the layers and rescue their star from the darkness....but they just don't want to allow it. They want to feel their rage.
So again...I feel like Emmet. Feel like you were a part of something, but really not....they didn't care if you were there or not... until you became special...and wonderful...and whatever else they said in that movie.
I don't want to be special though.......I want you to be.
This is going to be a rather quick post (I hope) because I've got some serious writing to do on Book 3 of Angel of MidKnight....I'm currently on Chapter 10.
In other news I recently made a stupid video for Hobo Patch, and ShadowDragon Dreams is going rather well. I'm hoping my recent new employees will keep up the good work and I hope they get quicker so I can not worry so much....
I want to explain myself a bit this very fine evening.
Isn't that a rare thing....explaining myself, like I have always done, but for some reason no one really understands what I'm saying. Nor do they listen. I've gotten used to it, and frankly, I really don't mind at all. I feel rather like a treasure....something kept hidden so no one steals its glory.
But anyway, we recently watched the Lego Movie.
Remember the part where they said that Emmet blended in so well that he was invisible..... that is me. Totally.
I can get along with anyone, even if I really don't like you. The way to tell if I don't like you is that you may only see me once....and if it's any more than that, I won't be around listening to you speak, doesn't matter what you are saying.
I can relate to many as well....even if I've passed that point of my life and now I think it's rather drab....or I haven't reached it yet and therefore think I'm invincible to it. Or I'm in it....and I understand, but don't talk about it because I'm still learning my way through and don't want to sound like a goon for thinking I actually know what I'm doing. Ha, I never know what I'm doing really.
Even if I'm really passionate about certain things, I'm to the point of not sharing my ideas because everyone is either sick of hearing about it, they don't care because it doesn't relate to them, or they really don't understand.....mostly it's the latter. So I remain silent, and when I get talkative, I still feel alone because everyone I know lives in this world.......and I do not.
I know a few people who don't, but I haven't met them...or they are on the other side already and are spared watching my shortcomings and failures and regrets.
What else.....I'm rather happy and joyful most of the time.....except when adults throw temper tantrums and being considerate and unable to waste energy, I let them. This drives me insane, however I just don't have the energy to give.
I've related people to a piece of star dust....and their star dust is wrapped up tightly below their layers and layers of whatever it is that they think they need....for many it is covered by fear...ego...regret...hate...doubt. I see this in them and I want to help them peel back the layers and rescue their star from the darkness....but they just don't want to allow it. They want to feel their rage.
So again...I feel like Emmet. Feel like you were a part of something, but really not....they didn't care if you were there or not... until you became special...and wonderful...and whatever else they said in that movie.
I don't want to be special though.......I want you to be.
Friday, June 6, 2014
I don't care what you think....as long as its about me.
ya know...I don't know how I manage to get things done on time.... hahahahaha.
Maybe a constant stroke of luck....maybe born with such a blessing. Yeah, let's go with that.
So things are busy as usual...but I'm finding time to reread books, finally manage to eke out character files on my own book so I know what color eyes/hair everyone has to has....no good if their eye color keeps changing.... Writing is just around the corner, though I hate saying that since I can't foresee the future unless it comes in weird energy vibes....then I can.
Visualization works by the way, but what they don't tell you is that you have to keep it up or what you visualize kinda stops....yeah...its like shaving your legs or washing your hair....
Been playing with reiki lately...very interesting....I'll give a more in depth explanation and review when I have more time under my belt...
Hitting up Six Flags next week with our free tickets! (yay free!) and possibly getting this ragout of hair chopped off soon! YAY! short hair! and probably dyed and made cooler looking that it currently is.
Then a tattoo...because I can...and I want. But I have to wait until after father's day so hubby doesn't think I'm rewarding myself. and all this relies on whether or not there's money to be used for such unnecessary expenditures.
Let's see....been diving deep into non-worldly things...but that is my life. And even though we don't get a real vacation this year, I think writing my book is going to be just as cool since I get to hang out with my imaginary people.
Photography wise....I'm 5 away from doing exclusively themed cosplay/costume shoots. I have a countdown going on my facebook page. After I hit 0 there' no going back :) So psyched!
otherwise......nothing I care to tell you :P
My new shop did really well for it's first opening sale....which is great, because now I can have something creative to focus on! (as if I don't have everything else to focus on with creativity anyway!) but I like to throw my energy in ten different places, hell why not, I feel ok this week.
and if these people actually call me back for a job (like in the 'real' world (psh)) that'll be something fun to use for networking...
And I seem to be expecting something lately, like an audition for something cool that I will be drawn to and will have to try to attempt that as well....but it hasn't come yet (thankfully!) but it's been on my mind...and this is where it gets hairy because of that synchronicity and visualization stuff that does work....hmm
and I will probably be in the market for a really good laptop soon.....since this computer (my really awesome good one that hasn't died on me yet and can run all my programs at once) is being hijacked by the kids so they can play minecraft.....too often lately....hmmm.
whatever...I'm off to go to work and sew up some Cinderella's and finish watching Shark tank and whatever else comes on tonight. and get a cup of coffee. I think I'll write you a story later :)
goodbye chippery feathers of puffer fish dandelions and coyotes.
Maybe a constant stroke of luck....maybe born with such a blessing. Yeah, let's go with that.
So things are busy as usual...but I'm finding time to reread books, finally manage to eke out character files on my own book so I know what color eyes/hair everyone has to has....no good if their eye color keeps changing.... Writing is just around the corner, though I hate saying that since I can't foresee the future unless it comes in weird energy vibes....then I can.
Visualization works by the way, but what they don't tell you is that you have to keep it up or what you visualize kinda stops....yeah...its like shaving your legs or washing your hair....
Been playing with reiki lately...very interesting....I'll give a more in depth explanation and review when I have more time under my belt...
Hitting up Six Flags next week with our free tickets! (yay free!) and possibly getting this ragout of hair chopped off soon! YAY! short hair! and probably dyed and made cooler looking that it currently is.
Then a tattoo...because I can...and I want. But I have to wait until after father's day so hubby doesn't think I'm rewarding myself. and all this relies on whether or not there's money to be used for such unnecessary expenditures.
Let's see....been diving deep into non-worldly things...but that is my life. And even though we don't get a real vacation this year, I think writing my book is going to be just as cool since I get to hang out with my imaginary people.
Photography wise....I'm 5 away from doing exclusively themed cosplay/costume shoots. I have a countdown going on my facebook page. After I hit 0 there' no going back :) So psyched!
otherwise......nothing I care to tell you :P
My new shop did really well for it's first opening sale....which is great, because now I can have something creative to focus on! (as if I don't have everything else to focus on with creativity anyway!) but I like to throw my energy in ten different places, hell why not, I feel ok this week.
and if these people actually call me back for a job (like in the 'real' world (psh)) that'll be something fun to use for networking...
And I seem to be expecting something lately, like an audition for something cool that I will be drawn to and will have to try to attempt that as well....but it hasn't come yet (thankfully!) but it's been on my mind...and this is where it gets hairy because of that synchronicity and visualization stuff that does work....hmm
and I will probably be in the market for a really good laptop soon.....since this computer (my really awesome good one that hasn't died on me yet and can run all my programs at once) is being hijacked by the kids so they can play minecraft.....too often lately....hmmm.
whatever...I'm off to go to work and sew up some Cinderella's and finish watching Shark tank and whatever else comes on tonight. and get a cup of coffee. I think I'll write you a story later :)
goodbye chippery feathers of puffer fish dandelions and coyotes.
Monday, May 12, 2014
we're on each other's team......but you've voted me out.
So...hello again.
Making this quick (we hope).
I'm rather not fond of this blog anymore and probably will avoid it for quite some time from here on out, or at least until I feel like it is doing more something...than...well, nothing.
Today is an odd day. I'm stuck again between that idea of all powerful 'I can do anything' attitude, and that rather sucky 'I am worthless' attitude. I'm contemplating doing some things that may or may not be risky....and frankly, I don't care. Things like unfriending 95% of my facebook friends who really are not friends...well....I have maybe 2 friends really, the rest (4.98%) are family. And I'm rather forced to keep them...maybe just the ones I actually know (a.k.a. I recognize their name and how they are connected)
Also things like getting a tattoo, cutting my hair, or random things like painting my toenails which is useless since I always wear shoes.
The world is driving me crazy and I have no one to take away the pooling flow of chaos.
Plan on cleaning this sewing room tonight and vacuum too. Then finishing a t-shirt because it is already 95% finished anyway, maybe prepping other things so when I actually get back home from vacation they'll be ready. Not that I'm not home already, but I don't feel guilty for doing nothing majorly productive work-wise the past 5 days. I think I will edit some cowboy pictures too....which I keep forgetting about :P
I will probably read a book I got yesterday too :) and get some straps hot glued to a pair of wings.
Tomorrow I need to water the garden in back and the flowers in front and who knows what else.
I think I will give up on everything too....business-wise, because I can't do it by myself and I need help and no one cares to help...so I guess I won't care either. I'll be like the rest of you who don't care and we can all not care together.
Or I can go and do a bunch of the hard work that I can do and then give up later because I can't do everything. So screw it.
This is what you have driven me to. I hope you are proud. We can all be worthless together.
Or I can sit around and wait for that wonderful moment of divine aspiration and watch things happen for me....but no. The boss man is out on vacation or something, doing whatever it is he does, while I'm whining here in the desert. I'm such a spoiled brat. Not sure why he puts up with me and I'm not sure why I keep acting this way when I know he's freaking busy getting some awesomeness prepared just for me...ugh. I hate waiting and I hate not remembering that I'm just a child and totally have a right to throw a fit.
I have a kitty on my lap. And he is so much cooler than you. Thank you all for your support....not. >:[
So there's this memory I have....and I can't seem to find them. But I know they will come for me. They'll find their way back. And maybe...maybe they will remember who they are...who I am. Because I can't forget. Wake up wake up....perhaps they're still sleeping. Wake up wake up. I miss them. I miss them all. Find me. Carry me up above the clouds and we can all dance in the sky together. Where are you.....I'm in the desert, come find me. The sands scour and the sun burns and memory doesn't fade when it holds onto that love....and I walk in this sea of endless stars....without you.
Making this quick (we hope).
I'm rather not fond of this blog anymore and probably will avoid it for quite some time from here on out, or at least until I feel like it is doing more something...than...well, nothing.
Today is an odd day. I'm stuck again between that idea of all powerful 'I can do anything' attitude, and that rather sucky 'I am worthless' attitude. I'm contemplating doing some things that may or may not be risky....and frankly, I don't care. Things like unfriending 95% of my facebook friends who really are not friends...well....I have maybe 2 friends really, the rest (4.98%) are family. And I'm rather forced to keep them...maybe just the ones I actually know (a.k.a. I recognize their name and how they are connected)
Also things like getting a tattoo, cutting my hair, or random things like painting my toenails which is useless since I always wear shoes.
The world is driving me crazy and I have no one to take away the pooling flow of chaos.
Plan on cleaning this sewing room tonight and vacuum too. Then finishing a t-shirt because it is already 95% finished anyway, maybe prepping other things so when I actually get back home from vacation they'll be ready. Not that I'm not home already, but I don't feel guilty for doing nothing majorly productive work-wise the past 5 days. I think I will edit some cowboy pictures too....which I keep forgetting about :P
I will probably read a book I got yesterday too :) and get some straps hot glued to a pair of wings.
Tomorrow I need to water the garden in back and the flowers in front and who knows what else.
I think I will give up on everything too....business-wise, because I can't do it by myself and I need help and no one cares to help...so I guess I won't care either. I'll be like the rest of you who don't care and we can all not care together.
Or I can go and do a bunch of the hard work that I can do and then give up later because I can't do everything. So screw it.
This is what you have driven me to. I hope you are proud. We can all be worthless together.
Or I can sit around and wait for that wonderful moment of divine aspiration and watch things happen for me....but no. The boss man is out on vacation or something, doing whatever it is he does, while I'm whining here in the desert. I'm such a spoiled brat. Not sure why he puts up with me and I'm not sure why I keep acting this way when I know he's freaking busy getting some awesomeness prepared just for me...ugh. I hate waiting and I hate not remembering that I'm just a child and totally have a right to throw a fit.
I have a kitty on my lap. And he is so much cooler than you. Thank you all for your support....not. >:[
So there's this memory I have....and I can't seem to find them. But I know they will come for me. They'll find their way back. And maybe...maybe they will remember who they are...who I am. Because I can't forget. Wake up wake up....perhaps they're still sleeping. Wake up wake up. I miss them. I miss them all. Find me. Carry me up above the clouds and we can all dance in the sky together. Where are you.....I'm in the desert, come find me. The sands scour and the sun burns and memory doesn't fade when it holds onto that love....and I walk in this sea of endless stars....without you.
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