...and I want more of you

Pour out every last drop....and fill it with you....

He speaks....and I see it replaying in my mind again and again. "Take hold." He says as His hand is stretched out to me....to me and my failing. "Take hold."

And where is that courage? Where is that courage to step out away from yourself and your own plans and your own scarred ways of refusal.....that courage to take hold of His and rely upon it.
I pray for Him to bring it to me.....this courage.


I realize I haven't written in forever. And haven't updated either....mainly because I've been swimming in applique work up the ying yang. But I finished a huge order and have a random number of rather easy things lined up (yay!) only to be followed by about 3 looking to be difficult ones. Of course I have new things to be prepped and prepared in the meantime, but haven't had any focus time to tackle such things....maybe this coming week will grant me more productive time management to get those things done.
Basic run through....kids are happy and great and I think this mix of homeschool unschool is pretty awesome....I asked if they liked it and they said they loved it, lol....( I bet they do!)
Taekwondo great too, Skylar's stitches in arm thing is good, getting those taken out at the end of the week.
Hubby still good. Me still ok-ish, I'm tired at the moment (yeah, I know it's 1am, so) and waiting to hit up the dr. visit in 2 weeks...ugh! yeah for the throat thing....hopefully won't cost me too much $$ grr...
Still waiting for warmer weather, so I can get that garden started, and fix the stupid fence because the craptastic dogs like to tear it up to get out..... :P
That's tomorrow's task, assuming it doesn't rain.
House is a mess, but having a cleaning day Monday so it doesn't look like I neglected it all month, haha! It's not really that bad though, unless you are including my sewing room O_O
And do you realize hard hard it is to find 4x4's that are not pressure treated....ugh! I need 2 6ft ones....how hard can it be?! Even weathered with cracks in it would actual be perfect so I don't have to lay them out in the sun for 2 months.....sigh.
Anyway....nothing else cool happening, but I'll be sure to tell you if it does and I have time and I don't forget! :) aren't you lucky!


I had this dream once....where I walked out on the air...and that courage was there....there until that last step...and that courage had turned to terror...the fear of falling. And perhaps it wasn't 'not having courage', but rather the total and unhindered trust in letting yourself, your thoughts, and your ways give away to be replaced by Him/His....because He wouldn't let you fall...and He didn't let me.
In that particular moment, he didn't say this new "Take hold" as to keep from falling out of the sky.....he didn't say anything as I scrambled to grab onto Him....no, He was already turned around and had hold of me, long before I dared looked up from the distance below my feet. But now...that we've been walking into this choice...our choice is given....whether we want to walk with Him....or not.

I find this a challenge...this complete letting go, even though I've done it before. But this is a new kind...a new something.....and this rampant inborn disease is blinding and deafening and tries as it may to block out Him and this "Take hold.".

Let me tell you a story (yay! stories!)....
So there was this lady at the park...she had 2 kids, a boy and a girl, both averaging at about 8 years old or so. They were playing in the sandbox (well of course they were!). So next thing you know this lady starts getting irate at her kids because they lost some doll toy in the sand (yeah, they buried it, duh!) and she was carrying on and yelling and such and threatening and so on....
So I had this idea to go and help them find this buried doll....emphasis on the word 'idea'. But, we know how this story ends....
And I find myself thinking back as to the why, why, why....and the fact I didn't have that courage thing...and I was blinded and those screams were louder than my vision...and those shadows were darker than my light....and now when this time is revisited I see Him there in front of me with His hand outstretched saying "Take hold." ....but now it's too late. And why couldn't I see Him then....and why didn't I listen....
and how much we long for that fire to be set in our soul...that we can't contain....that we can't control......