So tired by this game of cat and mouse. This seemingly never-ending game of hunting. Finding. Then once again losing sight. Does it always have to be my fault.
We were standing on the beach. The waves were folding and churning. Splashing and rolling. Continuously pouring onto land. The surface of the ocean never resting, never at peace.
This is our lives. Caught in the barzakh. The fine barrier between His world and our own. Caught in the churning restless waves of the ocean's surface.
Where are you now? And angry fed-up question. Annoyed from knowing He had stepped into another direction once again. Frustrated I have to keep looking, only to look again and again and again. This game of seeking. Seek and you will find...oh definitely...you will find. But He moves, and we must seek again. Following Him not just out upon the water...not just walking on the surface, but into the depths. This is where I find Him now. Deepness, this coolness, this peaceful calmness....this world beneath the waves. Almost silent compared to the crashing sounds above.
And we know He's leading us to Him. Even if we are angry and frustrated. Even if we fight it and cry and kick our feet and throw up our hands. Us spoiled children, always forgetting we have to grow up and fear not.
There's a difference but a strange sameness here in the waters. This comforting liquid that surrounds us, holding us aloft in the expanse. It's like being a star, but instead of nothingness like in space, there's something here. An energy. Comforting and constant. Listening and speaking. Enveloping all around.
His face is not as it is upon the waves, but more clearer, knowing its not a face at all. But a presence. A wonder it is to continue to follow after Him and all these new things that are revealed. Only to know they will be forgotten and let go once we play this game again.
Like running that race, and forgetting what was before when you reach the next checkpoint. I hate games. Like continuing on to the next level and what was before, what had been defeated is not longer anything but a scattered memory. A simple exhilarating triumphant win, and then we play again...onto something more confusing and difficult. How long is this game again?
Thankful for very good friends who make me sit down and analyze these should be obvious conclusions. Thankful I have at least one very good friend to talk to. He obviously doesn't care if I only have 2 other friends in the whole world who usually have no idea what I'm talking about, lol.
I'm wondering how unreal it is that things seem to be compiling upon each other day by day. things that are spotted or noticed in daily life are in direct relation to something deeper, and I wonder if these things are helping form connections to ourselves and our thinking. Like changing the way we think and act and how we perceive things. Idk. Interesting to see how things line up.
Ok, so back on a more physical level....work is still slow going. I'm hoping for a spurt of productivity to come along, so it doesn't look like I'm not getting anything done even though I feel like I do a LOT! It just so happens that there is more footwork and prep time involved than actual production time and it drives me crazy. I work bunches yet nothing seems like it is accomplished. then there's this focus issue....psh! The lack thereof to be more exact.
Ok, so I redid my to-so list...which I often do anyway, because once I mark off 3 things as well as make little side note of something else I need to do...it starts looking out of whack and I have to redo it in an effort to even look at it, lol. I am happy to say I got like 5 things crossed off of it yesterday, so I'm hoping that streak will continue.
fixing to go attempt some scrollwork engraving, and then go clean up the back porch before I cook dinner. Then, not sure, but it will be something either on my list to complete for today or finish cleaning up the back yard area, or involve something with the kiddos. Whom today are being rather productive themselves, I really do hope they add 'emptying the dishwasher' to their daily things of 'better get it done or we'll eat with our hands' stuff.
No words of wisdom today, but making sure one remembers that we must sacrifice ourselves and all that we do/are/believe/will become....and realizing....we are on the surface of the waters...but God is the ocean. Sink deeper...you won't drown.
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