What's your Focal point?

So I'm experiencing some pain in my neck....
literately, lol.
on and off a few years actually...
but anyway...I ask one of my other worldly friends what's up with that.
They told me some obvious shit that should have been more obvious...
I could have prepared better.... or shall I say more intentionally had I realized...
Whatever...I'm over it. Time to recoup the lost time and deal with it now.
Intentionally!

Working on clothes for my creature things.
Learning some new songs.
Aiming.
and just so you know it works.... I'm on level 22
let me tell you about that.
I used to have this issue about not being able to decide on something that I needed or wanted to do.
Should I ...A) go to the beach or...B) paint a picture...or C) finish these damn dresses...
My focus was all over the damn place and didn't really make any progress towards doing any of those things... even if I should (ha! 'should' fuck that word) or could...(haha! fuck that word too) or needed/wanted to.
So in an effort to direct focus I made a list of 6 things I felt excited about doing (and sometimes chores that must be done, like sewing orders, but I was excited to have them be done).
After I made the list (write it out! no do-overs! with a number beside each...)
I rolled a dice. One dice..which is called a die....but that''s a stupid name...I like dice, so we are going to use it here.
Whatever number it rolled on is the choice....of your focus.
Doesn't matter if the dice rolled into the notebook or onto the floor. re-rolls are only allowed if you can't see the number maybe cause it rolled under something unmovable, or it's tilted askew after stopping (no askew choices allowed, that's bad feng shui)
So if it rolled a 3 and number 3 on your list says go to the beach..... you fucking go to the beach.
Plan it, book it, mark the date and fucking go. (after marking the date, you can make a new list)
You should have realized the dangers I was placing myself in when I first started this.
My first list of 6 included a Nintendo Switch, trip to the beach, a bill paid off, a new water bottle, an SUV, and mulch for my trees....  I ended up getting to pay off a bill.
I didn't have to, but I also got a new water bottle and Teir a Nintendo Switch. Fuck yeah. This was when we were without normal income too, btw. Maybe, I might have had that crap job...
Then I made a new list (Level 2) ....--- now I have a 90% chance of completing whatever the hell I rolled in less than a week. only...maybe 3 took longer. and only 1 I had to redo altogether because it was way too fucking hot to do anything outside and I was tired of waiting.
I now also write in the date I make the list and roll, so I can keep track of how long it takes me.
I have 2 levels where I completed the task in 1 day. (quit job and clean downstairs, lol)
So...now on Level 22 and even though my list has gotten not so brave (like no SUV on my list recently)
I still manage to list scary things like finishing a tree book I'm writing and starting book 5 of Angel of MidKnight.
Try it out sometime. It's fun and I recommend listing things that 'feel' good, not stupid shit. Even if it's a trip to the beach, or Switzerland. DO IT.

Honoring weirdness

So this morning.... I entered into a lucid dream.
Ya know, those kind where you realize you are in the inbetween areas of asleep and awake.
Where you realize that you weren't actually in your body...cause well,
you didn't get out of bed, it would have been much harder than this, feeling.
And I saw a dragon... ok, not a dragon, a banshee.
Anyway.... so I take this opportunity to go find my very good friend.
I go down the hallway...start off walking kinda, then floating...
and I'm like, ok, that's just fine, I'll float then...
go outside... floating, but floating higher and I run into the area above
the garage door...No passing through walls this time buddy.
so I lower down and go outside...
Hubby is there and I ask him where so and so is. He points to the back yard.
I go that way and see who I think is my friend, but ...
more like a doppleganger.
I try to see their face, but they keep looking away.
I ask what's wrong.
They say I dishonored them....
I realize then that this is not my friend and I ask how so.
They say something, but it's in hubby's voice, so I know it's a farce.
I look away thinking okay... subconcious doesn't want to comply today....
there's that dragon... banshee again and it lands just out of view. Damn it.
So I sigh and instead of doing something amazing with my time in the inbetween....
I let this doppleganger who now looks like hubby start kissing on me, haha.
We didn't get far, as I lost it and woke up.

Anyway.... so I realize after the fact that I can't go looking for people in my lucid dream stage
I asked my very good friend and they said that all I had to do was call their name directly....
not ask where so and so was....
ARGH! These short and rare instances and I go and blow it.
How's that for a morning blog post. Day 3
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This is what happens when I have conversations with inter-dimensional beings and
we discuss "honor".
This of course began when Lyriel and I had that week long....class??
I was honoring him by committing to 7 days worth of my time.
really though ...it was to make up for dishonoring him (or my throat chakra if you may)
and make things right.
So....yeah. I learned a lot. And I'm on a resolve to honor them all.
All of them who have the patience to work with me. (or don't....ahem...you know who you are)
This includes father....God energy, spirit, soul, other side world stuff....
(hello, from the other side, right.)
mother.... earth, matter...all atoms in creation. This side if you may. All things brought forth from that side to this side, all creative acts, words, ...thoughts.
the angels. the ....planets?...they might be angels too....but I feel led to call them gods, they are not higher than angels, but certainly on a different plane.... (different to understand, speak differently too)
myself.... which is all of them anyway.
my body.... which is the same thing.
and Jesus.... who said that I already have. And it's His place to honor me.... o..k..
the seraphim.... Right now there's only two that have shown up (there's 4 that I know of)... holy fuck are they intimidating.
Oh...and Theightious. - He's....an underworld....being... I don't know what he is. He is awesome though.
Nichiel too.
and my very good friend....who just said 'shut up' and shook their head in annoyance.

____________________________________________

So that was fun. Feel free to walk away now. I know I'm not suited for this world you live on.
The future is better. Don't worry. Been there too. Still waiting for the cool stuff they are supposed to have already....ugh.
So I worked on these things last night......

They have bodies now...kinda. They aren't done yet obviously. Yay for hair!
This is one part of my otherworldly ideas that are so freaking weird, but insane, that
I have a hard time deciding not to do it. It'll take a lot of time and attention...and
may not ever make money and I'll end up with weird ass shit in my basement...
Fuck yes. I'm oddly okay with that.
This is why I'm not intending to sew custom dresses anymore. I have better things to do.
Like write a script!!! Me and The Boss Man are working on a new story direction with my villain.

Ok, so I have to take the kid to band practice today. Need to go get ready.

 

Not sure where I was headed with this....

Know what I did yesterday?
I threw out all the old applique paper things.
.... those things I use for designs on the dresses I sew.
I threw them away.
  I did keep maybe 10...because they were already made and can be sewn onto something and sold within a short amount of time....maybe. But..... here in deep down....
I don't really care.
I'll probably throw those away this evening too.

I must've slept wrong too, because my spine is feeling defunct.

So...I started working on a screenplay, but have found a black hole of void regarding
my villain. You think this wouldn't be so perplexing... I LIKE villains.
However, I realize that I don't like my current version of him...so...
time to rehash him/them and their story.
This in turns places my hero in a predicament where I like both him and the villain....
how am I supposed to decide who wins then?
..... oh yeah......choose the cute one.....  nevermind.

want to see the board?  Fuck yes you do!! here ya go.

the board is where you can 'see' your outline and make sure your story structure is sound.
You can actually try shaking it and if anything falls loose...well, that's your problem...., lol
no not really.
Anyway, this is first stage...still adding/subtracting.... and trying to form a love relationship with my villain. This is so you don't have to screw things up after you've already started writing the actual script.

Know what else I did....

Painted these things.... (they are clay heads)
Going to make some weird doll things while I watch Survivor.
I have twelve other plans in the misty land of headspace..... none of which I'm going to tell.

It's almost the two year mark on the people (now renting) the other house. Guess what happens on the two year mark.  Yeah....
Last update. One has moved out and the other is still there. Not sure if they are staying or going.
I really don't care. The contract is moot at this point.
 ________________________________________________

So.... I'm on a mission. 90 days. today is day 2 (aren't I great) I'm here. I wrote.
For a deeper insight....I'll need to come back later or tomorrow.... my brain is going numb at the moment. 

Lave beats snow.

You think you know....
You think you could recognize a mountain in the sky.
A mountain. Tall. Majestic. Unstoppable. Undefiable.
You think one would be aware of such a great creation.

.....until you try to conquer it. To get to know it. To become it.
You try to scale it's towering heights.
You try to taste the cold hard rigidness.
You try to understand it's strength. It's power.
You try to see into it's caverns, crevices, and cracks.
You try....only to fail and find you are more confused.

.....silly child.
Young child, who thinks that because they can't find what they thought
they were looking for, that you were wrong, or in the wrong place.
He didn't laugh, but I noticed the corner of his mouth raise enough into a grin.
This isn't the cold, rocky, snow-covered mountain you were expecting.
Oh no. This is you. And you are not a cold, rocky, snow-laddened hill.
This.....This....is a volcano.
A volcano.
A mountain of fire. Of heat. Of flame. Of power. Of creation.
A mountain that is ALIVE.
A mountain that thunders and shakes.
A mountain that fluctuates and changes.
One that spews forth earth and stars. Crystals and diamonds.
One seen for miles, and affecting miles more.
One seen for it's boding power and strength, but also known to be even stronger.
You could be giving, adding to the land. You could be destructive, devastating all.
You are indeed a mountain.
With a heartbeat of energy. Living earth flowing through your veins.
How is your journey now?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It's December 2017. Water is falling from the sky outside, a rare sight.
The angels and I have conversed frequently, and I've concluded that seven days with Lyriel
has forever changed my life. I'm honored to have committed my time with him.
All have gifted me with broad insight. I'm eager to meet with them again.
I'm still on the lookout for the coming waves. Both of them. However it is unknown what they
are or what they represent. I am only aware that I will stand.
 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sewing is locked. I shut it away in a box and am discovering that I do not need an excuse
to discontinue it's use. I do like money, but .....I like writing and art more.
My first screenplay is up on 'the board' and I'm working on character development and backstory right now.
I have some clay faces I made and am excited to get those to come alive.
I'm making room for possible plans in the future. I'm not sure anyone will help me, but I'm
not asking.
I want to get rid of things. I want to trade them. Trade them for another piece of joy. You'll see what I mean when I show you.


Oh, have to go a package was just delivered. BTW I really like Amazon.

Space Mountain isn't for the skittish.

The planets are pulling...pulling me from that which is known and taking me beyond the darkness into space.
The sun still rises and falls, but the perspective is askew and I no longer am sure of the places I've been, nor have the awareness of the place in which I'm heading.
But....this place I am now....
it's vaguely familiar....like I've met it once before, but at a time in which we had yet to exchange names or shake hands....before we said hello...
familiar.... like family, long forgotten and yet sitting right beside me.... this place.

It's like being focused on a path that I've traveled for awhile now....knowing all her twists, turns, dead ends, valleys, mountains....knowing her thoroughly, yet recently finding that with every turn I remain un-amazed. Like she no longer can fulfill that which my heart desires.
Then something flashes, like a comet in the distance. Something rings out silently, waving from afar, beckoning me to follow it.... but what it is, I can not yet see. Hello there, little thing far far away.....what are you, who are you..... I never saw you coming.
I turn back to look upon my path, but she and I sigh, like a breath of tiredness, of ordinary.... even though we have worked magic in our time.... this star has faded... the warmth in which we began has cooled, we hug, but we must let go....we must find a stronger embrace for ourselves.
It echoes again and I bring my eyes out to meet that foreign object that I can't make out in the dark skies of space. It laughs and smiles and I can hear how it's jumping gleefully trying to get me to reply.
I lift my hand and shake it in a half hesitantly, half welcoming wave. I feel it burst with joy, knowing that I have acknowledged it.
It pulls me....
My current path pushes me and my feet lift away from her. She smiles, wishing me well.
I float as the planets and stars surround me and lift me higher into the night.
The little shining light in the distance dances..... my eyes lock on and I slowly drift its way.

I don't know what's out there.....what will I find....
but I know who it is....
It's a mountain. A mountain with a light atop it glowing.... I know you, because I know myself....
what those definitions and details will be will only be told when we meet up close.
My mountain. One made of  solid steadfastness. of sureness. of unwavering rock.
My winds will not make you flutter, nor will my fire scorch you. My waves will not bring you to your knees and my sorrows will not defeat you. My mountain....
I'm coming. I see you.


_  _ _ _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _  _

What's happening? ^^^ that up there ^^^

I have a place I work....hahaha! Yeah, I know, weird, right?!
I closed the Hobo Patch.
I still sew....but...um yeah....I'm having trouble keeping my feet on the ground...if you kwim...
I've looking in all the secret places with that....and I'm not finding what I need....so now I'm going to find out what this new thing is over here....
Disney.... we have a date later this year.
Beach..... we totally need to spend some time together.
Sleep..... I appreciate you, btw.

I'm cooking I have to go...more later.

Shattered into galaxies....the moon rises when the earth falls

Oh, the broken parts of me....how they look like diamonds.

Beaten and dragged through the darkness, blood smearing like paint across the canvas.
What magnificent art I shall be.

This masterpiece is almost finished....and even as this soul, mind, and body gets tossed about.....
there's nothing that can keep the corner of my mouth from raising a tad.
For she knows what's coming...even if the rest of her can't quite grasp the truth of it.

Perhaps the idea that waiting until the new year to begin a resolution....a revelation would suffice....
but the truth is....
this one is a rebel.... and she says it will happen now.

The truth is....
                     ....
                         ....
                             ....

Exulansis (you'd be glad to hear that you still have a few more days with me)

I must stay conscious
Through the madness and chaos
So I call on my angels
They say

Oh, ye of so little faith
Don't doubt it, don't doubt it
Victory is in your veins
You know it, you know it
And you will not negotiate
Just fight it, just fight it
And be transformed

 -- - - - - - - - - -- - - -- - - - -- - -- - - - - - - - -- - - -- - -

I had a rather disturbing dream last night....
aliens...ugh. that and a few sick dogs (not mine, they were huskies)
but at least the neighbor didn't get buried by books, the other neighbor's house didn't
get damaged and a blue ferris wheel didn't fall apart, hurting some girls.
but I really dislike alien dreams....this was the second in 2 days with aliens.
but at least I managed to compliment them in both dreams...
the first I broke the code and told the one lady that she looked adorable, like an
old lady couch, one guy looked kinda like shrek, which he was just annoyed with that compliment, another boy was a bit scared of me because I was invading his personal space while examining his eyes.
.....last night I complimented the alien lady and said she looked gorgeous....
because I wasn't sure if she was going to kill me....she gave me a hug and then asked my question about whether 'they' (her kind) were going to hurt us...
she said 'no'....real friendly like, but then hesitated and said.. 'well, maybe.'
and I said... you mean people who want to be altered, right? that us humans need time to adjust...
and she said that 'it really wasn't up to her.'  --- ugh!  then stupid ufos appeared outside and they were using a liquid gas to appear invisible in the skies, but the gas was released from their mirror like cover and they started turning their correct black color. Ugh...I couldn't move when I saw them like a gravitational immobilization thing was happening...and woke up.
there were also two small little insect like aliens that 'woke up' - I was yelling that to at this general dude, but he didn't seem to care. Johnny Depp and Tom Hanks also managed to be in this dream along with some sketchy guy. idfk.

Ok, so today I was given the answer to this thing...sorry can't tell you....but I'm 100% positive I am in fact not losing my mind. It is almost beyond comprehension and I'm still absorbing it....on top of certain occurrences that have been leading me....I'm somewhat terrified and in awe.
This is cool....almost like how it was actually seeing a real UFO a long time ago...that awe and an underlying fear....
let's add in this song above.....but now...I can't really tell you that either...nevermind.
I'm not here to tell you anything.
But I will know here shortly. Soon. very soon...I can feel the fluxation.....it's going to be a blast. And I'm just over here like .... here's your popcorn...lol.
I hope no one takes that as a bad pun....see what I did there and I haven't even made it to the future yet.
well, I have...but not in the conscience of this material dimension....kinda...? I've been seeing things...
I recently realized that by the time the ships that carry passengers to the space port (or moon/Mars) I'll be a young teenager (again) on a bicycle. I've already seen them. Not to mention a few other things that have been spilled onto my side of the glass.



Exulansis:
(n) The tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it.

^^ see that....just found it, ha. perfecto.