Abundance: and this is what He showed me. Pouring out from His hands...pouring out upon one another...abundance...abundance. All these gifts, too many to count...can we even see them all, the ones hidden beneath the ones toppling
“I come that you may have life, and have it more abundantly.”
Indeed.
I'm on the fence today. Partly lost in this ever growing consummation of the dream and the life. Walking tediously between being awake and being awake....not sure which is really the one I should be following after.
Then I'm still caught up upon the fence post dangling partly on the other side. Where you can see everything moving about day by day by day...and not wanting to see it. As perhaps it has no course, no aim, no final destination to lay its head.
Would you understand?
I was once brought into a dream. Where people wearing brightly cast clothing crowded inside this building across the way. So I, wearing something not quite comparing with them wanted to see and followed them into this huge building. This building that happened to be a massive church, or that's what I thought it was, but it was more like a theater auditorium like setting. People in the bright colors walked around finding their seats, as others up near the stage were preparing a display of what appeared to be the Jesus' crucifixion. There was a large wooden cross up on the stage and I looked closer and Jesus was on it. But not like the statue ones you really see in big churches, it was Him. And He knew I was looking at Him and He looked back at me and I kinda tensed because I was the one who wasn't supposed to be there. I was the one who didn't fit in, who didn't match and certainly wasn't invited into this place. He jumped down and started walking off the stage and turned up the aisle my way. ....yes, so I was freaking there a bit thinking I'm gonna get slaughtered for being in here! But I couldn't move...(of course not).
He kept coming closer and the people walking on the aisle way parted out of His way and were bowing and just kinda watching silently and me, who still couldn't move saw He was like super close now and I fell on my face. Yeah, like the 'holy shit I'm gonna get in trouble' kinda thing.
I was looking down at the floor, practically kissing it and He stopped in front of me. So yeah, my heart is frantically racing and I remember looking upwards sorta and could see His bloody dirty feet. It was kinda gross, yeah.
But He stood there and I eventually looked up and He was wanting me to stand up and come over next to Him at the back of the theater church place. So I did. He sat in a chair and started talking....I kept thinking that I need to remember what He's saying so I can take it back with me (I guess I knew it was a dream by then, or that I wouldn't be staying or something). Kept trying to hang on every word and memorize what all He was saying.
Everyone in the place who was wearing the bright colors just started gathering around Him and sat on the floor and listened. The people in the theater/church seats were turned around in there seats looking over the backs of their chairs also listening. It was weird.
I will say that I didn't remember a single thing of what He was talking about, but only that after I asked Him what I was supposed to do....I remember only that which He said. He said... "Whatever it is that divides the world between you." ....
Him and answering questions with questions.....why does He do that!!!? It drives me batty.
Anyway....that is the only thing I could remember He said.
So it's been a few years....I guess. And this memory splatters it's face lately and I'm not sure why. Wondering if dividing your own life is really what we are to do. These little answer questions usually aren't so difficult to understand, but somehow when I think I understand it never quite fits. Close though... Just not sure which part to divide...of course the right and wrong, the good and bad, the wheat and tares....the sheep and goats....but no...there's something more. The truth and the lie. And we are still waiting on the rest of the puzzle pieces.
Abundance. And what is this about? I understand what it means, but what now....work to be done, yes....pouring out.....like fire....like purification....but the whole world has grown cold and I am tired of being here.
One little star can't light the world....only the dark space where she's placed.
And I'm shining all alone...where are you brothers and sisters? Still hiding waiting for the end to come? Still mumbling beneath your breath because no one listens...still placing that lie across your face because the light feels like it's burning you from the inside out? It is burning you.....This is the second death.
Funny how writing puts things into perspective especially when you didn't intend to write of such matters....kinda like you yourself aren't the one writing it, but somehow it comes out that way....and you reread it and go 'wtf, that totally makes sense! I didn't think of it that way!' ...because I'm not sure I'm always the one writing anymore.
And I think when we divide ourselves apart...where we dispose of what is lie and we get rid of the what does not belong...and we embrace the part of us that has never forgotten....we find ourselves having come far past where the veil ends....and we find ourselves among the stars. And somehow this life here on earth no longer seems like 'life'. Just a dream caught in the ocean...the reflection of His light that emits from ourselves.....if only we would let it.
Open up....
I can't be here all day....so let us humor this so called life down here on earth where flesh mingles with insanity and chaos.....
I sent out like 7 packages today...still have a few more fairies to sew up and then to tackle a circus set that needs finished Friday. I would like to say that I will get this done, but my productivity levels come and go and that idea of 'I think I can, I think I can' is a load of bull. I can think I can and say I will all damn day but I guarantee you that the only way it will ever get done is if I do it!
Which I will, lol.
Positive thinking is a lie! Only action gets things done.....so I am gonna go to sleep, so tomorrow I can try again. Later bunnies of pumpkin pie.
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