Semi-automatic thoughts... (day 5)

This message was brought to you today, by Day 5
and this is a new day of learning
...and the beginning of a higher level of contrast...

like the energy is touching the portal's fibers...
and it bulges...
but the surface tension has yet to break open

many many little things...like micro millions of teensy tiny events...
teeny tiny... smaller than baby steps...
and the floor feels like it's going to give out...
and the roof feels like it's going to explode open...
and the walls feel like they are going to burst outward...
...sometimes making room requires removing the walls...
and ceilings... and floors... and all those teeny tiny little standards..
those limitations... those micro irritants... those mini rules...
making room... requires you to grow past yourself...
beyond yourself...

sometimes your thoughts are too small
sometimes even your desires are too small
sometimes.... receiving something 'amazing'....
requires you to let go of everything that is 'okay' or 'meh' or 'fine'
or 'decent' or 'normal' or 'comfortable' or 'regular' or 'pretty good'
and you have no idea the wretches you've bound yourself to....
this mediocre life surrounded by the mediocre....
I dare you to surrender your 'okay' parts.... your 'decent' parts...
I dare you to surrender them to the universe...
You are worth more than that.
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A huge reflection of truth hit me today...
and it's both cumbersome and marvelous
both paradigms.... and all this energy affects those around it...
I've invited it in....
and what amazing things it has for us all
...
and there's that moment when you feel the strength of another...
    and know the universe moves through them...
    and know... that even as they let go of your hand...
    it's the universe...and their own power they take hold of...
    and maybe I felt that slight change...
    that shift...in energy flow.... subtle... but I saw it... I felt it...
    and although my part to play becomes less.... I see, and I trust...
and I can't help but cheer it on, cheer them on...

And I felt a tinge of sadness for a moment...whilst visiting the mountain
at the place where the fairy's lived...that spot that held a small cradle of magic within it.
that spot...that now had carelessly cut trees and a scarred glade....
but I know they couldn't have known...
they would never had known what was there...
because everyone is numb...
they've killed their selves...
and the sawed trees, and the smothered magic, were only a reflection of their pain
who can save them... unless they save their self...

______________________________
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so while I will step into the darkness....
and watch from the shadows...
this is sure to be a thrilling and beneficial time
many things are shifting...
like a transformer...
and I see the players moving where the energy directs them...
and I... the one who knows it's name...
rest in the comforts of this cradled seat...unaffected by the sunshine...
but ever so enjoying the effects of it's work
but fear not... it will find me too...
I already know the part I must play...
and I'm well aware of the rewards it brings
behold...
I've summoned the light... and it will shine
___________________
___________________

actions...
a far fetched word with a list of definitions I hardly recognize...
related to the word... work...
and neither of them have found their place yet
I was supposed to outline something today, I did not
So maybe tomorrow will allow it...
A call from the insurance guy with acceptable news would be welcomed
A call to the realtor guy is also possible
perhaps a small hole in the portal...would be incredibly interesting...
Maybe a few other things...
all this action stuff, all that comes as second rate
because most of the true action occurs when I'm not 'doing' anything...
anything you can actually see anyway...

I love how I wrote all that and it's so obscured...
but why would I write simply...
I use far too many curse words doing it that way...

I read some posts from last July...and damn... I don't remember writing that.
I'm actually able to actually write incredible stuff
and I know why it's not always incredible...
and I know why I flip flop...
and I know how to remedy all of it too...
and I know Ego or Mind or someone...(not Soul)
is going to throw a fit about it....
if I remember... I'm sure that remedy will be given every time I come to this blog
























oh...and be forewarned...
I'm cutting everyone off here soon...
don't take it personally...
I work for the Universe now...
and apparently there's undercover work to be done???!!!
How exciting!!!
..
is it bad that I know why, lol
but I don't think I'm supposed to know why...
but that's why they hired me...
because I know before I'm supposed to know...
...
the council always got irritated about it...
but Universe is rather kinda chill...
interesting...

Make room....we have guests arriving

I'm not sure I can come back to write every day.
it's not always that new perceptions and insights enter my view
and sometimes there's not always words to describe all which shows up
like today... this being Day 4

Something lingered, just behind the veil...
I can't yet see it for what it may be...
and in energy, I only feel the immense largeness of it...
it's standing there...waiting to enter this space that I am...
and I know I need to make more room
but...
where can I expand outward?
what can I clear out?
how does one make the space that they are, bigger? broader?

perhaps my knack for manifesting great things has indeed birthed my desires...
but when the veils lifts and it moves to meet me....
where shall it rest it's head?
...
...
I know where to learn these answers...
and the questions didn't even come to me until I wrote that out...
so I suppose, once again, I am in perfect alignment..
the first step leading me directly to the second...and then the third...

and even though I'm consistently reminded about my alignment with
multiple synchronicities and such...
I only know, when I feel the truth of it...

years of not looking for outward signs...and learning to read the inward ones...
was the only way I've grown to acknowledge these massive shifts and evolutions
the outward are reflections...holograms..
but the real truth is all on the inside.
Wrapped up in the heavens of your soul...

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nothing happening...
have a few tasks this week...
and actually prepped a canvas today...
there are certain intentions I would like to have completed this week too...
and if not, that's fine too
I'm pretty sure I have nothing of earthly value to give you today...
and talking about daily blah crap...is...well...blah...

laters



....
lol...
I just remembered something...
yesterday (or was it the day before?) I repotted and split up my african violets...
giving them all room to spread there roots and leaves...
giving them room to breathe and expand...
providing room...even if some of them stayed in tupperware bowls...
would it be so different then, for us to make room for more of our selves?
for more of our desires?
for more of our growth and expansion?
....
there's always room for more of you...
boundless spirit...
grow rampant and wild...and devour the earth...
like the sunshine...


(and making room downstairs is all that energy reflecting itself!)

(I can't make this shit up)
(and I had nothing to do with it!)


...........................................
Mind is excited to meet what's waiting!!
Soul tells her to chill out...
but Mind knows it's grand and amazing and something huge!
Soul, like the welcoming host... breathes calmly and patiently...
...
I don't think it's going to take 9 months...
it's at the door, yo...

Keep both hands open... (day 3)

There's a thing to be said for the word 'unconditional'.

It's one of those words that elicits that you have conditions on things...
and that having those conditions, even if they are unseen...
means you'd need to surrender something...
perhaps your wants, your needs, your expectations...to name a few...

This is Day 3...
and while I'm enjoying this uplifting and strangely new paradigm...
it isn't without it's own lessons.
Like conditions.
So it is apparent that when you are making room for abundance...
that all that open space gets filled...
sometimes with things that didn't quite meet your expectations...
or your needs...
or your wants...
sometimes it's filled with things from left field.

I guess you can't dictate which water molecules flow through your fucking bucket...
especially when it sits at the bottom of the sea...
or if a lobster crawls inside it...

But this is a lesson in unconditional...
because love is unconditional...
even if you can't quite understand why it is that it must give you 'this' or 'that' type of abundance...
doesn't mean it isn't serving you the best it can.
The universe is on your side...
even if you have to facepalm and take a deep breath.

because now we have a gecko
....and already having too many pets...including a mouse that needs rehomed...
the universal abundance must like to play these games...
to test me to see if I'm ready for the really good stuff it is shipping my way...
so if we end up with another teenager too...
and if all the things, all the things... are anything but, what you dictate...
I'm going to stay true... I'm not afraid of the possibilities

So yeah... give me all the fucking things.
ALL the THINGS!
Alyssia the gecko is just the precurser to all the awesome things...
cause the pendulum... and the pendulum HAS to swing the other way eventually.
so I will take the opposite pole, just so I can get the other one too.
I'm stubborn that way...
and probably more fearless than what's good for me...

"Everything is taken care of."

_________________

which also goes to show that holding a space for peace...also creates peaceful flow...
because it's possible that other things will completely work out effortlessly...in our favor
_________________

and there's times when ideas pop up and Mind tries to smooth them out...
but Soul knows that if you have to smooth it out...it's not long before they are crumpled again
ideas from the past...
and god, I wish they would stop being picked up by Mind.
Please stop... I'm not going that way...
and while I restate that firmly... Mind hasn't quite grasped it yet.

There's also times Mind picks up things I 'should' do...
and although Mind has nothing but good intentions...
I'm not going that way...

and the fact that 'I'm not going that way' feels good.... is the reason I'm not going that way.


I know Mind is bored
I know Mind is supremely bored... as she used to run the show before...
but now Soul does... and Soul knows no rush, or demands, and especially not any of the 'shoulds'
"Everything is taken care of." She will consistantly tell Mind...
And Mind relaxes and darts off to feel the sunshine...

I admire Soul's patience and regard for Mind's wellbeing...
Never a competition,
only love... without conditions



__________________
__________________
 "If you want to travel the Way of Buddhas and Zen masters, then expect nothing, seek nothing, and grasp nothing."
~ Dōgen Zenji 1200 - 1253

Making friends with the wild life (day 2)

Had a walk today.
Alone, but not really.
There were plenty of squirrels who weren't paying attention...
and would only jump in surprise when I had practically already passed them.
Yes, I did see one stroking a leaf on a plant... and I'm not sure what exactly was happening..
but he won't read this, so I suppose it's ok to share.
Saw a bunch of bugs and saved a worm from drying out
Found 1 wing of a butterfly.
saw a large fish swimming in the creek, like right at the top.
saw 2 blue herons flying after each other.
saw a large deer... he saw me too and just stood there wagging his tail.
I did stop for him, but some guy walking from the other direction didn't..
so deer stepped like 15 ft into the trees and waited for us to pass...

I'm in the Day-2 zone... and it has neither faded or been forgotten.
I spent the time thinking what exactly I will do with this new version of me.
What will I do, and why will I do those things...
but...
as I walked and saw all that already was, all that already is...
there wouldn't be anything I would add.
nothing I would subtract.
in the very moment of now... there is nothing that needs changed.
it's perfect

and I'm in it

having $100k in the bank....and still I would not need anything more
at this time, I choose to be as it all is...
and be all here...all now...in all ways...

"Everything is taken care of."
A simple sentence that has been playing on repeat in my mind...
a sentence, that alone, silences the urge to reach out and fiddle with things.
mess with the already given perfection...
entangle the already brushed hair.
.....

and I can feel certain parts of my ego...
it wants to be sad, it wants to be disgruntled...that it can't 'get' or 'do' something
 ~~ but it's not sad, or angry, or anything...
and it stands there confused as to why it's okay with that...
I feel how it looks at Soul...
Ego loves Soul, trusts Soul, and melts into this puddle of unresistance
willingly

Mind still throws out ideas...
pulls out past things and shoves them in my face..
'Remember this? I thought you wanted this? Don't you need this too?'
but Soul smiles and presses those things aside...
Mind watches them fall away and rummages through another box...
'How about this!' Mind holds out something lovely from the storage room...
...and Mind smiles, thinking how there would be no way whatsoever this thing would be discarded...
Soul nods with a smile, and caresses the pretty thing Mind dug out...
"I still like this." Soul says. "But I don't need it right now."
Mind stands dumbfounded and places it back into storage...
Mind races to catch up with Soul... like a child who lingered too far back on the trail...
Soul consoles Mind... assuring them that there will be a need for their services again...
Mind smiles and starts finding random things on the trail that look cool.... like all the dead cicadas.
Back in the now...

I admire Soul's mothering skills... all that peace
and Mind, their passion for their job
and Ego, that desire and drive for the greatest that exists
and these three walk with me....

no one asks anymore, where we are going...
not even why
and 'how' has been utterly erased from the vocabulary
who and what are rarely used as it is...
when.... rides alongside where... and what good are questions...
especially if Soul is driving...
It's a surprise, you'll see when you get there...
...
this makes me laugh...
when we get there...is when we are here...
and here...
and here...
always here... and always now...
there's nowhere to get to...
we are here now
and now is perfect

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I replanted and split some of my plants today...
and I'm aware of the fact we don't currently have enough pots for them.
and I'm equally aware of the reasons my tupperware grows less and less..
So if anyone wants some African Violets... ask... I've got plenty..
and this might have been the only time I didn't take cuttings and propagate any
I'm out of pots, yo... and I can't relinquish any more tupperware bowls!!



I just spent the last hour (maybe 2...) trapped in the youtube loop..
what did I watch, you ask?
1 Rich Dad video
4 or 5 Abraham Hicks vids (which really aren't vids, just talking....)
Millionaire reacts vids....like 3 of them
and Hairstylist reacts to America's next top model makeovers... way more than 3
*insert huge faceplant

so now I want to be a millionaire and have a makeover...

of course, I'm still swallowed up by the water...
the bucket in the water that is completely full...
and when I sit to just feel that...
there's nothing but a current flowing through me...
unending and always full
and this is day 2
just day 2...

there's a cat lying in my lap...
and there are crickets and frogs outside the window chirping their sounds...
and as 1:35 approaches...
even being a millionaire won't change my path
I'm going to sleep! (although I will have a more comfortable bed)
and the makeover won't change who I am...
(but I might not have so much hair in my way)
I'd still have this cat, whom sometimes is a thot...
and the creatures outside would still be there...

still be here...
still
be
HERE


welcome to now
(and if it isn't another lesson from the wolfriders... 'The Now of wolf thought'...)
 and like a walk in the forest... all the animals have everything we can't always see
presence
and with that, peace

Eternity in an hour... (day-1)

The Law of Polarity:
~~         "Everything is dual; everything has poles; everything
      has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same;
      opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree;
      extremes meet; all truths are but half-truths; all paradoxes
      may be reconciled."--The Kybalion.       ~~
(for your reference: http://www.sacred-texts.com/eso/kyb/kyb12.htm)

the pendulum swings...
and it can only swing as far to the left as to the right...
so while you aim to get the pendulum to swing 50 degrees to the right...
but it can only go as far as what you allow it to swing to the left...
THAT is the place in which your blockage lies...
that place to where you limit one side or the other...
which in turn limits them both...

If the right side is the perception of good... (the abundance, the love, the joy, the peace, etc)
and the left side is the perception of bad... (the guilt, the judgement, the fear, the pain, etc)

what happens when you limit how much judgement you allow upon yourself?
the equivalent will also be limited on the opposite pole.
limit your fear and you're also going to limit something good...

they say that it's all opposite, like love and hate..
like good and evil, like poverty and wealth...
if the universe were 2 dimensional....this would certainly be the case...
the pendulum would only swing left and right in the same exact motion every time...

oh, but dear one... the universe is not 2 dimensional, now is it?
a swing this way sometimes swings awkwardly in the other direction...
sometimes the pendulum twirls... because the string is twisted...
sometimes it rotates and you feel all chaotic...

but it only moves in equivalence to the distance from the center...
so if you want wealth... it's not enough to accept being in poverty...
if you want love or peace, it's not enough to accept hate and chaos...
the higher degree you want in anything....
the higher degree you need to accept from anything else...

so I dare you...
to accept all the pain.
all the fear
all the guilt, or regret, or judgement, or blame, or whatever you can think of
go to town on that shit and display it for all to see....
look at all the beautiful glorious chaos that is you...
own it... you are it's god...

and may the fruits of the heavens be served to you on the golden platter...
because finally, it could find you...

and the pendulum that's allowed to swing out 90 degrees....
will swing out 90 degrees in the opposite direction....
reap the rewards...even though they are not rewards...
they are your inheritance...
and you already own that shit too...
you just gotta let it come to you.
allow it
accept it
all of it...

I want all of it.
Every fucking piece of all that is.

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______________________________________________
funny thing.... I wrote all that, but I know you want to read more personal stories...
as if I didn't just spend my quarter-hour explaining that away in actual words...
which in turn belittles the grandness of it all...
words are so small...

been listening to Abraham Hicks lately...
and I used to not be able to listen to any of that before...
but I think I've seen 95% of whatever they have on youtube by now...
anyway.... yeah... I was again realigned... (with the vortex, lol! (I hate labels!))
and I'm judging myself about the way I write...
and I don't fucking care...
because the pendulum....
and I found something...
because now that I'm on the opposite pole...
and my attention and energy are completely aligned to where I am now at...
I can see the other side as if it were in ruins...
fuck that shit.. I've got miracles over here.
I've got miracles everywhere

I thought about rambling to give you more content...
but I'm judging myself for that too...
because you may or may not understand.
and who reads this anyway?
...ok....who reads it all the way through, is the real question...?
unless I'm spilling drama or secrets, or something completely useless...
there is no way this appeals to anyone...
but I am judging this... and myself... and you...
and I'm sorry for that. ..but not really...
I'll think better thoughts then....ok.... nicer thoughts...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or not

;)


fuck that...
I will not.
I'll do as I please

I painted stuff today... didn't enjoy one bit of it
the paints did not like the material at all...
and just blah! I wanted them done though...
and so they got done...
apparently I am disciplined and responsible..
still have more to do...
other art projects...

have not started on stairway yet...
later maybe... like in a week or so...
or whenever I really feel like it

oh, I'm starting a count...
and today would be the official DAY-1
day 1 of being in this shift...
and I want to see how it plays out...
and truthfully, how long it takes to mirror into reality.

the speed of light is 670,616,629 mph
matter condenses at the rate of however much energy you give to it
so if you give focused attention to a selected lifestyle/thing/goal/whatevs...
and energy waves must travel from electromagnetic frequencies to physical particles...
to actually see the physical outcome of a certain thought/emotion/vortex position...
it would take approximately sometime between....
 3 days to 9 months...give or take.
this gives estimated room for dimensional equivalents and aspect ratios of degrees
(in other words... a 3 point turn, or a 12 point turn)
(3 days to rise again, or 9 months to give birth...for you earthly thinkers) 
or anywhere in between... these are just numbers... and numbers do not rule the universe.



I'm just fucking with you.
I have no idea what I was saying, but I did look up the correct speed of light 
but really though...I'm often right even when I'm bullshitting.
it's fun how the universe works to agree with me.

So anyway... DAY-1  !!!!!!
 and I can't guarantee I will remember I'm even doing this count O_O


I'm not sure I can relate to groups anymore... :(
I feel like I'm in a whole different universe than them
while sometimes people are in sync....most other times they are not.
I love and hate people, but I do not want to help them...
however if they were right in front of me, I would.
I want to share perceptions and ideas, but I do not want to adopt any.
however, if I like them, I would.
I want to be open and honest and real and authentic, but not in that way...
however I'm tired of getting feedback on something....
that really isn't at all what I was talking about... 
take it or leave it, I do not care.... but don't explain something to me that I wrote myself...
I understand it my way and I like it that way. Even if it's perceived wrong...
(I know that! I still will substitute my reality for yours every fucking day. I'm stubborn like that)
You can take it and change it and whatever, but don't tell me what my words are 'supposed' to mean.
My eyes glaze over and my hands slips into a gauntlet with 5 infinity stones on it...
I am unavailable for solicitations, thank you.

ok...fur reals...
I'm gonna go do a card reading (for fun!)
and go to sleeeeeeeep

bless you if you bothered reading this mess of a blog post
 
 


 

Lu ke teh sahn... and this is why...

Took a walk today with my very good friend.
He reminded me that I was always fully supported.
Then he succumbed to obliging to give me a piggyback ride,
even after I teased him about supporting my unfocused stride.

Just then, the memory of the bucket reappeared.
The bucket with the holes.
The bucket and how it was thrown into the water...
and made completely full, always, all the time, in all ways...

He caught sight of it too as he glanced at the lake we walked beside.
...and this might have been a time when sharing thought vibrations
have worked against me...

"Don't make me throw you in the water."
He would tease back.
because my own thoughts had gotten twisted up in some
idea that didn't match the feeling I was searching for.
And he knew that, I knew that, and sometimes the mind goes off
on some tangent that is neither beneficial nor productive to the desire.

I already learned the lesson before...
and now I was reminded of it.

He trudged into the water.
and me... held prisoner on his back..
didn't have the heart to choke him enough to deter his path...

The water was cold.
But the vessel, the soul, the I... was filled. Fully.
Full-filled....

and even soaking wet and harboring a slight shiver....
all the truths of all the things floated into view...

______________________

and I feel like the muck on the windshield has been cleansed.
I feel the scepter of power and the chalice of the gods in my hands.
and I feel the throne appear behind me waiting for me to take a seat
this is my fucking kingdom.
my fucking queendom.
be gone, filth
for you know not what sympathy I may or may not possess..
but I shall not hold it for you

there's weariness lingering at these late hours...
and eyes want to close their doorways for the night...
but the fire burns and the flames rise high...
and tomorrow....let the earth burn

for I have risen

no separation

You're never far away from that which you are seeking

Seven degrees.
Or so they say...
I guess that depends if you are able to do a 3-point turn, or a 5
or those lovely people who take at least 12 or more...

7 degrees of separation...
perhaps only 1...
because how can you tell how many steps it takes...
unless you know where you are...
and do you really know where you are?
can you ever?
Sure. it may look like your multiple steps away...
but sometimes, when things line up...it only takes one well placed foot.
Sometimes stars look far away too...
but if you wanted to meet a star... never forget the one that shines for you daily
it's all perspective...
and perspective is relative to position...
....
but do you know where you are?
what are you basing your position on?
and these things always move..
the universe is always in motion..
and so are you...
so is energy...
your energy, other's energy... all of it moves...

______

what are you focusing on?
what do you want?
do you think those things are far away?
if so....change your perspective...
until what you seek and where you are, meet.

when mercury goes retrograde...
does it really? - No, it does not ever cease or reverse it's course... not even once.
when the sun swallows Jupiter... does it really?
No... it does not ever eat the Jovial god of Lightning and Thunder...
it's only your perspective that makes it appear so...
and your perspective...and beliefs about such, and thoughts about such, and feelings about such dictate everything that comes into or leaves your life...
fear mercury retrograde if you want... believe it affects you and it will...
see it as it is (and write blog posts about it)...and it will be just as it is...

______

Time shifts and dimension jumping...
my bags are packed...
and I'm leaving you.
changing perspectives...
in and out of body... because both have that ability
and even if it sometimes takes over 7 hours...to change the body's perspective
not even 1 degree separates me from myself...or my desires...or anything which
comes into my awareness...
that goes for all of us...

who and what are you sitting with?
you're riding in the same car as them...
be aware of what travels with you...
I've packed security and support, along with bags of inspiration...
My suitcase is full of patience and allowing and high vibe tokens
There's assurance, and peace, and love, and magic...

What are you traveling with?
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I realize that a recent post on facebook reflects this same sentiment...
(it's in a group, yo. I don't share hardly anything on my profile wall)
and a friend commented that how not having a bigger picture plan or major life goal...in turn opens up the power of receiving ANY possibility
and whatever degree of separation you think is there....
dictates and reflects in reality the appearance and perspective of it being...
"over there"

It's always "here" friends...
you contain it already...
your perspective is just looking at it from a distance...
but you are the SPACE that holds it...
____________________
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