AAAARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!
I am NOT EVER going to do things the hard way again....
That means, that if I am still even remotely interested in doing this sewing hobby/job starting next year, I will go and buy me a damn expensive, top-o-the line, kick-ass, exactly what I deserve embroidery machine!
I will take out a loan, or finance it if I have to, because this hard work is BULLSHIT!!!!
Mainly because even though mine are all handmade and cut and sewn, that doesn't make them any more awesomer than the people who went and bought that fancy machine already....so they get the machine to make it all in 'no time at all' while I spend too much time and energy getting mine done.....UGH!!!
I love that they can do it, but there is no reason whatsoever that I even care to bother anymore...except for that paycheck...
If I still feel cheated by Monday, I am going to deactivate all my custom etsy listings and just be poor...because at least I'll be sane.
GRRRRRR!!!!!
I'm going to be a photographer next year anyway...because I want to see the world and all that it holds! And I want to be outside! And I want time to spend with my family and write and paint and do nothing at all!!!!
And I can do whatever the hell I want!!! So there!
I need a hug....
So, that was my rant for the day...lol....and I am so not thrilled right now.
Let's just put it this way....I am very competitive, and when I see newbies come onto the scene and make incredible stuff with their fancy machine that does it in 'no time at all', I get irate. But it's okay really. I love that they are making awesome stuff and awesome money. I don;t care if I make any money sometimes, just that I create awesomeness...which lately I haven't been doing.... I SUCK!
I suck majorly, as I don;t even want to bother anymore.
OMG, INCREDIBLE said I need to re-prioritize and this was the only way to get me to do it, so here I am. Pulling my hair out...and for what? For nothing. I get to see that I can't do everything for everyone, no matter how nice, how available, how bad I want to be there to help and support others, I just can't do it all....and really, is there even a reason?
I try too hard, not only to please others, but to earn some sort of income to pay for everything but the bills, but it sucks shit.
I am not doing customs anymore...except for my ooak custom sales, as those are easy peasy! But nope, I do not like this please everyone idea at all....and OMG, INCREDIBLE said to ditch it and go on to where I need to be...and where I need to be is not here with them....but with Him....
*sigh....
I hate knowing things, but not knowing what to do with them. Then again, I can do anything with them and it would be just fine. But I hate making the choices. It's hard to make the choices. And even harder if you don't know where you are wanting to go....
well, it's late, I guess I will go to bed and sleep! :o)
The theme of the month can be a link to my awesome and freaky deviant art journal....
These are not rants (except maybe one or two) they are ..... insights...but some are really old and I consider some of them a look into a spiritual journey, from being invulnerable and caged...to where I am nowish... the dates will say...but I think they go back to 2008 or so....
And quite frankly, some I don;t remember writing, some are kinda harsh, some are really sappy Christian over-toned, (I am so sorry! I finally grew out of that...kinda..) and some still freak me out when I re-read them.... I am crazy...and it is a beautiful thing.
Here's a older page...I like the one from June 30th...but I like them all really, that's just the one I read just now, so I pointed it out, because I know we all suffer...
Love you all, with joy and with patience....
Oh, and the snake...in the middle of my yard, just strolling along as if he owned the whole yard...Mr. Rattle Snake, with the shaky tail and the pointy fangs.... I am sorry we killed you...I guess we could have attempted to catch you and relocate you... I am really sad about it and I am sorry I didn't come to that idea sooner... so now you are dead, and I have your tail.... ugh, I';m sorry.... I hate killing things, or having someone kill things, or watching someone kill things no matter how obviously dangerous they are... I feel so bad about it still. ..Of course you were probably hiding on my patio and could have bit one of my kids or me or hubby...and that's so not cool...or if we tried to catch you, you may have bitten one of us...and that's not cool either.... as you were kinda big.. Forgive us for taking your life... I will promise to attempt to spare the lives of your kin...unless you dare bite one of my kids....then you all will die...every last one of you...
have a nice day!
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