dreery rainy blah

I'm feeling a bit 'ugh' today....stupid rain.
I'm thinking of running away. Like not visit facebook except for my emails/messages...like not 'do' anything except for what I want. Being selfish is hard work when you spent most of the time in previous years not being selfish. And I have figured out that the only way you can 'change' things is to be an ass about it.
Not a mean ass...but an ass nonetheless.
I'll give it a go.
Thinking of going to bed early *yawn. And brace myself for yet another day full of rain tomorrow...and maybe go hit up the store, as there's no meat in the house...or apples... :( and we can't be having that.

I'm also struggling to find a way to reorganize some other issue in this household and the problem is I 'know' how to get rid of it, but stuck between following that selfishness, and doing what everyone else is doing.....and I despise being conformed to any body else's ways.
I need friends :(

I guess I could call up my very good friend though....he would know what to say. Or ask the boss man, which would probably be better...but I usually only get to converse with Him before bed..and well...I fall asleep too dang fast. I totally suck at managing my time...and/or important things.
Maybe dh would know....but he usually just says to do what I want.... :P

And so the question is...what do I want?
I can't really write about it on here...as I'm still somewhat hindered from sharing everything....especially when I have it in my head that the majority of everyone would disagree in some form or another. Boo on that, eh?
I'll have to practice being an ass first, then when I get my guts up, I'll blab anyway...and that will be that, lol. It'll probably be soon..like in a hour or so, lol. So if I'm still here writing, well...you will be lucky. :)
What else....
I'm discouraged....it is so difficult to find people willing to learn and put their talents to work. I'm feeling all dead asleep inside too...like this is all a dream and I'm just waiting to wake up. There really is no point to anything when its been raining for days, lol. I'm just bummed, ha.

So much not to say....so fuck this, I'm going to go bake some cookies.