S.O.S Klingon Age of Ascention

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Ringing in my ears
I was deaf to you
Gripping so tightly, I start bleeding through

And my body was thin
Clinging to you
I was clinging to all the things I thought I knew

But in the golden hour
It's you I find
I don't wanna go inside, I don't wanna go inside

And if you're gonna stay
I'll be here all night
'Cause you're in every song I hear and every song I write

 

 

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A whole two days and perceptions have shifted.

Maybe Neptune going retrograde moved some barriers from my view.

Maybe the solstice had to hang on just long enough to cook thoroughly.

Maybe... all it takes is a few days..

a few breathes..

a few short moments..

 

 

 

Open these eyes... and behold the wonders before thee...

The same energy I've been constantly searching for.

...and every time I find it.

...every time...

although hardly in the way I assumed it would appear.

and yet again, I deemed it as something I never received...

but no

it arrived without fail each and every time

I just didn't see it.

...

so I cradle this shame of blindness... this guilt for being unable to see

this disaster of a mind that only saw what wasn't, instead of what was

forgive me

and even Mind sees now. Understanding it all.

From beginning to end and end to beginning.

Rapt at the glory.

Ego sees too. Smiling once again.

Soul ...my soul... nods, having already known this unveiling would come to pass

I told you once before.

About the moment that I was given all that there was

all that is

and all that there would ever be

...and why Mind keeps forgetting, I do not know....

But Soul never forgets...she holds steady, unwavering on the path.

She always knows, she always bears that trust and faith and courage...

and Mind wants to be her... Ego wants to be her...

But Soul knows.... they... no, we... already are...

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I figured I should make things easy for you this evening.

As it's the day after the solstice. That means the day after the first day of summer.

Which in fact has nothing to do with anything I'm writing about at the moment..

but if I explained, you might enjoy reading a bit more than usual.

Or there's the possibility that I can sway you to skip over the following words, as in all actuality, they are most likely going to be rather boring and uneventful. Not even the slightest bit of depth. On the contrary, I think I will go with broad instead. Covering more area, but with lack of meaning, or information, or knowledge, or whathaveyou.

 

 

Went yard sale-ing and to a few estate sales. My expectations for others have again fell through. The estate sales were fine, the yard sales were just swarms of ~'you should probably just post this stuff on facebook instead of hauling it out to your yard...because you ain't got shit'~

 

and I know I'm way too judgemental of how others' do things. I don't intend to be, but I see how much I want more for them and from them. I suck I suppose. Too high standards perhaps? 

Has playing that level 8 or above game demonized my perceptions?

Even my ego only appreciates the level 7 circumstance just enough to use it to get to level 8...

This god complex in the making wants sovereignty. And there's some part of me that sees nothing wrong with that.

On a more broader scale... without going deep...

Without glazing over the top of this doughnut...

I don't think I'm cut out to be living among these things called 'people'.

 

Maybe it's the other way around and people are just cowering beneath obedience and hiding theirselves... so when I do my weird things... they look away and escape, whereas maybe they really want to do what I'm doing too.

 

Maybe when I make a stupid joke in public, they really want to laugh (or ridicule) but instead they tense their lips and walk away. Pretend like it never happened.

Pretend like I never happened.

Maybe when I draw seven pictures of squirrels riding motorcycles for pre-schoolers... that I want to and not because you think I'm doing it because those kids asked me to...maybe I want to draw them a picture, because no one else would ever dare take the time to draw something for them. Maybe I like drawing. Maybe when you assumed I didn't want to I also wanted to stab my crayon up your ass.

 

 

Maybe when I'm offering my assistance...I expect to be treated like a person and not a 'quote' "...an extra body." 'end quote'.  Maybe there's a reason I didn't show back up after that 'quote'.

 

Maybe I believe in good people. In happy people. In a thriving people. But when I hand you a basket of seeds to grow into a great person... you toss it aside...because you believe people are bad, are sad, are meant to struggle... and only one person is great. (Alexander the Great, duh! ;)  )

 

But... I came from a different world than you. And I've seen your greatness. 

And I will still make stupid puns and borderline rude jokes, and weird noises when I know the silence is waiting for me to take the stage. I will still press all the buttons on all the singing monkeys on the store shelves, and I will wind up every music box to it's fullest every time, and I will play with every instrument I pick up...even if it's for toddlers...even if it's in the toy aisle...or not.

 

 

because I'm not afraid of my greatness

my courage to break rules. the courage to defy everything, especially when you're supposed to do it. the tendency to speak far too much and sometimes not at all. oh so many little things... even rewriting the past and co-creating the future... ah so many big things...

I'm not afraid of my darkness either. 

all those judgements, all those raging desires for earth to explode. All those intentional barriers I build. All those times I forget what is real...or what is true. 

I could take all that good and bad and love it all. It's fucking glorious.

You are fucking glorious. And I want you to love yourself.

 

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maybe I like dashes, yo

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maybe I don't feel I'm done writing...

maybe I'm procrastinating...and not editing that script I intend to edit

I guarantee it's both of those....maybe some more...

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did you know, that I learned morse code in 15 minutes before...

I totally have forgotten all of it (except ***---***!!)

but 15 minutes..same with braille... 15 minutes...

which I've also forgotten...

probably more along the lines of put in deep storage and I've never needed to use it again...

I do wish sometimes I could store (or erase!) those 6 words Montel Williams challenged his audience to remember til the end of the show... I fucking remember those words STILL and it's been like 20 years. Damn it! Never challenge me to do shit. It's a curse.

actually...

someone should challenge me to edit a fucking script

and someone should challenge me to manifest $500 by the end of the month.

that

sounds

quite

appealing

ooooo...I got the frame built for the artwork I'm putting in my stairwell!

I need to put the canvas on it...

BUT, today the staple gun met it's end...and so...now I have a reason to go to Tractor Supply...

like an important reason!

nothing stands between me and acrylic paint colors!!!!!

RAWR!!!

Universe, please send funds for a new staple gun and two bags of wild bird seed. Thank you.

 extra hugs if you can provide funds for two matching rocking chairs. Thank you so so so so much!!!

Did I ever tell you about......

whoops... I almost went deep and all up in that energy speak...

today we are being broad, not deep...

of course excluding that bit at the beginning of this post...not the song lyrics...the other part after that...about deep things you have no clue about..

Am I sorry this post is going nowhere? no

Actually, I suddenly became very disinterested in writing here...

goodbye, peanut butter oreo cream muffin bugs. Fly away to the everglades of the Oregon trails and the whimsical destinations of the gnome trodders and buffalo dogs. May they eat you up and carve totems from your ulna's and scapula's.