"I thought you forgot about me."
...
spoken softly as I tried not to cry...
because we hadn't seen each other in a decade or more.
and maybe I wasn't remember-able.
maybe I was never the one people kept close...
maybe because we were never even friends, meant I was a nobody to you..
...'just another body'...
only someone you kinda knew because of this other person you kinda knew...
oh god... you are still one of my "one-in-a-million" people... that I still love...
that I still remember... because you, brave soul, could bare your soul openly.
and I fucking saw you. And you were glorious...
but I don't even know you.
...but
I sat debating whether to approach you...to do anything at all..
to dare make myself seen and acknowledged...
I wasn't going to step forward...
the coward that I am...
maybe because I have a long memory, far beyond the borders of this life...
and it is rare that anyone remembers...and I'm often made the fool...
for speaking of things they don't remember...
but...
you spotted me and ...there it was..
you didn't hesitate...
and your face lit up into a smile...
and I stood, because I was caught trying to keep hidden...
and you embraced me...
...
"Of course not." you would reply...
and my mind would reach out and try to grasp onto anything that would explain why not ...
because everyone seems to forget about me...
and I would be thrown out of the dream... and wake to sunrise... and sadness...
and a deep truth that I've carried for the past two days...
and I'm no longer the same...
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It's been what?... a week...
could I even explain this?
like shifting from third person view (like in a video game, duh!)
to first-person...
but like really first person...
and this is a big thing for me...as I never dwell in this body...
I'm usually about 12 inches back and 12 inches upwards...
so everything seems third person view for me...
call it 'detached' if you will... which isn't far from the truth...
unattached... is closer though.
untethered... and have done an excellent job at keeping my chakras clean and clear
and mastered the avatar state LOL!
at least at some level...
and my very good friend has made significant efforts to get me shifted...
which I am immensely grateful for
I feel like someone else...
but I know who this is...
and it's me... but just in a different dimension...
and today...
(let's thank Neptune's retrograde...and a certain email...and a live call)
that Soul... is who I want to be...
and not the 'I' that often lingers in front of me like an idiot...
and Soul... doesn't concern herself with all of 'this'
and Soul... just IS ... and there's no other place for her to be, or things for her to do
and Soul... knows everything about that dream...
and everything about first-person and third-person... and second-person at times...(empath, yo!)
and everything about energy and love and pureness....
and Soul...
I see her sitting there... awesome as she is... and she's not 'working' on shit.
she's not 'trying' to do or be or give or get or anything....
she's in her perfection just as is... in the now...
and I watch her...
and feel her energy...
and all of it swallows me up...
and the world dismantles behind me... all these things...
and becoming... no longer exists... when you just ARE...
and this sounds so damn stupid
it sounds plain and unimportant
it sounds like nothing but random thoughts that may soon be forgotten
it sounds like an energy that will die and leave without a scar
and none of it matters
and dreams are just dreams
and I'm a fool
unashamed and courageous fool...
and I love that.
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Let me tell you of how big a 32"38" lion is...
fucking big... a tad threatening... and would be overwhelming for most...
but it has graced me with an adventure I will surely come to appreciate...
maybe not while painting it... or hanging it... but eventually
Let me tell you of how humbling script services are...
like 9 out of 10 for format and 8 out of 10 for concept...
and a bunch of not so high numbers for everything else, lol...
can't I just throw out ideas for the people who can't create and let them build it instead?
like I can be google... and they can do all the work?
wait... I can be Pinterest... and they can take it from there...
I have a million ideas daily... some just won't stfu
why is everything I like smothered by having to include someone else in it??
(well...except one thing..)
doing things alone is fine, up until you can't anymore... *sigh
there's probably more...
random thoughts...
not sharing tonight...
maybe later.
much love, jaundice onions of passion and rage. May the witches of Sundance films bring you good tidings and muses of sacrifice and pinacolada's. I'll see you in the after-life...which is also the before-life... but in actuality is actually ...life....
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