It sizzles when you burn through it

~ "What do you want to hear?"
this voice would ask... this subtle sound that uses words, but they sound very different from speech
and I know I'm nearing the top of this wave... where the water droplets float upwards in the stillness
I would answer...sunken deep into the body and into the moments I've grown appealed to.
"I've missed you so much."
Words that embody a response of a welcoming. A welcoming home.
~ "What do you want to feel?"
another question... knowing I was being led somewhere... somewhere beyond the surface
why are these water droplets floating in this silence... I'm coming untethered from the wave, I feel it but I don't look to see...I don't look to see.
"The feeling of being received."
what is the word to describe that? does it exist? trying to reach out to find a suitable match for the feeling into a formed verb, or noun...becomes unneeded and far too difficult to grasp... what is there to grasp up here anyway... this space above the wave where the droplets keep floating upwards, away from the entire ocean, away from the entire motion... this stillness and expansion...ongoing.
~ "What do you want to see?"
an almost expected question comes on the last's heels... but I knew it is not going to be the first answer I dabbled with when I chuckled out the response of "cash in my hand, cash in my pockets, cash in my wallet, and cash in my stash." I laughed... but this voice knew that wasn't anything other than surface jokes... I hovered... and cradled myself back into the feeling... the same story continuously played in various ways throughout the time in this body... this soul's knowing...
"Who I am in those moments."
was that explainable on it's own, because there were no other words to decipher such meanings.
and I was prepared for the next question.... but it wasn't the one that matched my already prepared words...
~ "And... what do you want to learn?"
Learn? I would think... wasn't it supposed to be 'know', not 'learn'? But I knew the voice had me bared up and raw. I didn't have an answer, but Soul did... and Soul didn't hesitate to speak it aloud... whilst I tried to catch it's meaning only as I heard it.
"That I already am."

and it wasn't a lifting, or a diving, or some ecstasy, or a thing to learn...
all of yesterday's rambling questions came reflecting back. As the water droplets turned in the sunlight and dazzled this little soul's pair of dice...
'they are me'
and the feeling wrapped hold like in the stories and in the warmth of the sunlight
and maybe it was a melting... but I saw the veil... the barrier that divides the soul from the body and the soul from the mind and the soul from all the parts of one's self.
'they are me'... 
and melting into it... melts it into one... and how does a five year old know these things...and seek them out without being taught. How does a non five year old know these things...and learn.

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How often we bring war within ourselves to attach our parts back together... to try and make fit things or people that kinda fit, but never make us whole....
Why are so many of us at war with ourselves... or hidden from ourselves... or lost from ourselves... or forgotten by ourselves... or enmity between ourselves...
and every time we find a piece that matches...even sort of... we ask that it makes us whole.
make us whole
but it's not the piece... it's our peace with it....
Make love, not war.

If you were to surrender and give unconditional loyalty and love to anyone.
Give it to yourself first.

you are the conduit
the receiver
the one which plays out the soul and the heavens...
but not while you have child locks on the transmissions....
free yourself

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and what wave?
no more wavering... no more back and forth, up and down,
no more fluctuation
no more restless, unstable energies


rise above the flood waters
into this... space

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.....



no orders...
so what to do with this time
I don't want to paint
I still have the fish tank background that needs painted...
meh...
writing... just did! that was fun!
I got offered a job with the IAPWE...
but I haven't gotten in the job list yet... probably Monday?
no idea how it works, so don't ask, I'll learn as it goes I suppose
paid off a credit card today
making a roast...
a course I'm in starts soon! yay! I love my human coach too!
5 teenagers make a lot of dirty dishes... just sayin
O_O
huzzah for dishwashers!
Black friday is seemingly very appealing today. there's things I would love to adopt
and use... like today...
like beats headphones... like a quality ukelele!... and something colorful
and a bissel upholstery cleaner I should have bought last year but did that shit thing and talked myself out of it. what a fucker I was.
new rule : always buy cleaning apparatuses, if you need them once...you will need them again and will thank yourself for already having it, every time you use it. <3  (like that little steamer I have!)
I have a list... maybe the yardsale this weekend will have these things...  hmmm !!?!!


I was sitting thinking of something to write on my biz page... cause I'm not working on anything... and more orders are fine and all. I'm free and have plenty of time.... but I kept thinking of only stupid shit to write. Then I thought I could write something nifty or savvy... but that sounded dumb too... then I thought I'd post a gif...but it doesn't have a link for gifs... ...so then I was like, be truthful and say blah blah blah... but then that felt icky vibrational wise... and I was like, okay then.. what does vibrational self want to say... and so ...I'm sitting with that at this moment...
...   well...it was close... my brain is not functioning with all the words today...


holy fuck... epiphany!
(mainly because I'm multi-tasking and keep coming back to write here...)
Kyle Cease talks about living our 10's...
like what things in your life are 10's for you, your fav things to do, or have, or whatnot...
and it had been rather skewed to me what exactly my 10's were...
because I like most (like 90%) of what I do and have... and I would consider them 8 or 9's...and just wasn't sure what the 10-y-est 10's would be...
But I'm watching this video of a friend talking about it... and even though what she's talking about has absolutely nothing to do with my epiphany...something clicked...
My 10's are not 'things' or 'doings' or even 'experiences'... not at all...
and I'm finding this strange, because aren't we supposed to absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE things or stuff or experiences or life events or our doings...?
but I laugh a tad because that has never never never been Soul's thing.
another imposed system by the wiles of society and humanity at large....
so what are they... the 10's... for me anyway...

They are the feelings. The vibrational energies that are my most 10y-est 10's of the toppity top 10/10's.
(How I came to be in this human form is beyond me, but please be kind and remind me to decline next time I decide to come here and do whatever I decided to do...)
All the feels... and I know exactly the ones I want.

and why am I suddenly called to buy some headphones is beyond me....but Soul is so fucking happy about this prospect and wants what she fucking wants. And she's pointing them out like I'm walking her way down the aisle of the electronics section... yes, kiddo... anything for you...can't we wait til the 29th though??



Soul lifts her hand... and silence echoes out from the world...


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O_O yeah... that was all fucking beautiful  O_O

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be courageous and be brave
and in my heart you will remain
forever young



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