Step 2... but hardly a step at all...

Now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

 

 

_____________________________

 

The decision itself is the hardest part

not the work, or the actions, or the focus, or the effort...

not the attention, not the time, not the power.

The decision.

That's your job. 

It's not even that hard... technically...

but sometimes it is.

Lots of options perhaps... too many to just jump on it

pros, cons... maybe not leaning either way, but hovering on the balance point...

and all decisions kinda are meh... lukwarm

Sometimes even the feelings surrounding those options are skewed...

and usually are if you've been thinking too long and muddled it all up with thots

...

really though... there's no such things as a wrong decision...

even if it comes out to be far from the best... you learned that...

and the contrast grows and the picture comes into view much better.

...

so jump in

leap

make the decision and don't think one second more

it's the right one

I promise.

 

________________________

 

It's unclear why I come here to write anything...

sometimes I do only so I have something to come back to read later and freak myself out

(cause much of this stuff I have no remembrance of... 

or it's really good and I'm rather astounded at my writing skills... ha... or lack thereof

or I forgot some details of a particular thing I remember writing about and I can revisit

sometimes I feel like I'm writing to someone else...

which this really throws me off a bit

cause family reads this and the occasional acquaintance..

 possibly people I do not know...

not that I would change what I write..

but I may retain certain things at times

maybe a lot of times

maybe much of the time

or not at all

it depends on the day

*shrugs

I do enjoy the process of writing and making sure I'm still adept to typing well

no matter the subject or lack thereof

rambling posts are quite my favs... other than the times something fascinating happens in the aether worlds.

Rants are often fun too... but I judge myself on whether I'm being too harsh or not harsh enough

most are just funny... they may have bothered me for a hot second...but by the time I get here to write about them, I've done transmuted it into something else... and it's all good... usually anyway

sometimes when I come back to read a few posts I cringe at the times I write about my day or what I did or what I have planned for that day or week or whatever. I hate that shit...

it's not bad...but I recognize that all that is really only for inbetween down time before I write something that matters

or I want to just type for the fun of it...

I suppose cringing at your past posts and all the weird stupid shit you wrote is okay too, lol. Like rants that at least sounded like I meant it back in 2014 or something. Or how god is awesome and all that shit. Perspectives change and grow and although I have personal experiences that have fortified a pretty solid foundation on said matters... most of that stuff is blah.

I would still Thanos everyone into oblivion.

I watch an episode of game of thrones where Cersie told the sept people that she wasn't going to leave the castle and go to talk to the high septon dude... and she had the big guy (her created guard dude) kill one of them... and she said "I choose violence." which made the other people leave...

anyway... I would have done that too... but all of them would be dead.

and the whole time I'm thinking you can't force people to repent or turn away from 'sin', or force their evolution and growth, or any of that...there's nowhere else for them to be, but where they are.

and I'd be like Kaleesi and just burn them all

no sympathy...

and this brings me back to Mustang... good god...

and snap his fingers, (like Thanos!) and burn them all (like the mad king!)

and then we would have Iron man...and Mustang would become Furor...

simple

lol

and is utter nonsense.... but I'm rambling... you can always tell when I'm rambling because there's no real punctuation or spacing between that hoard of a mess up there...

and really just following thoughts out on to the screen... and practicing typing...

how about we channel someone....that's way funner... (sometimes, depends who)

hang on... who you want?

...

...

 

________________

________________

________________

 

~~~***

 

This is not meant for you. Those with eyes that read these words.

This is for my sister.

...

You are moving into a larger space. And they know that you have risen. They will still follow you, keeping eyes on where you go and what you do. Do not let them deter your efforts and progress. They can not stop you, but they will try to slow you. Let not their words reach your ears, nor their shades cover your eyes from the light. You belong where you are and you belong to that in which you travel. Your ___?__ is yours by right and they can not keep you from it. Keep going. Keep rising. Keep stepping firmly upon the path. It has been laid out for you and you know where it leads, for you have walked it many lifetimes and for many __?__. The __?__ have called out for you and they await your coming. You know this path, and you know what it carries with it. 

Yes. That is the key. The attuning to the right of way. For all will part at your arrival and like the sea it will form a straight passageway for those whom it belongs. In the midst, I will meet you there. In the midst, we will speak. And in the midst, you shall have found all there is and ever will be.

***~~~

________________________

________________________________

His name is Thoth.

 

Yes. That Thoth. 

want another? I'm in the mood... but I can't guarantee I'll be able to sleep tonight....argh...

hang on....let me find someone willing...

...

...

___________________

___________________

You want to write about me?!
Like me talking and you writing what I say?! (he's excited, omg...)

I would say... that... one finds it difficult to come up with something to say when they know that it's being recorded. And that it's hard to choose what would be most beneficial to share.

I could ask why you haven't returned for lesson 2. (he's talking to me....)

Maybe those listening would like to take your place. Have I not taught you enough to satisfy your need to return? Am I not a good enough teacher? I see you've written about a teacher. Have you forgotten me? Maybe I teach you the wrong things.

(a bit private conversation here...hang on)

If I had people here to teach all day, I still wouldn't be deterred. No one calls my name that often anymore. Yet, here you are... seeking me out. Why is that?

(......talking...)

Great students make great teachers...or maybe it's the other way around. I can teach you everything I know. I have time. Even for those exact things. Have I failed you before? Have I left you without answers or without firm footing? Perhaps you've forgotten my name? I chose you too, haven't I?

(...having convo...)

Why talk to them, whoever you write to? I'm talking to you. You're the one that hears. The one that listens. The one that used my name. Remember?

(.... O_O .... ok, so he talks a lot!)

You can write.... tell them you like to talk a lot too.... but haven't even showed up for lesson 2... see what think. You busy writing writing... and not learning learning. Show them the truth. Too busy. Always too busy. Too forgetful. Too much looking out there for what's right in here. 

I see you for lesson 2, yes?

(.... yes...)

You go. Turn off that thing. We learn. We grow. I count... 

_____________________

fuck...

now look at what you made me do...

I gotta go.