day 8 homework

You are what you love. Not what loves you.

day 8 homework.
today we identify what makes us nervous.
What are some things coming up that make you nervous?
I don't know how soon these things are coming but we'll go with it.

I have an inspection tomorrow, one of the bigger ones.
with people. Those make me nervous.
am I doing it correctly?
do I look like I don't know what I'm doing? haha!
does this shirt make me look like a hoodlum?
I love that I'm nervous about it. and I'm even nervous that I am
not what most people consider professional.
Even though I'm good at it.
 I love that I'm self-conscious. Maybe if I love it enough I won't think about it

The quarter-finalists for the Page screenwriting awards
will be announced on the 15th. I entered that one.
I'm nervous. Because what if I made it...
what if I didn't? Is it excitement or nervousness?
I love that. I love new things. I love how my body responds to new things.
I love that I love both outcomes. How exciting!

I have to 'people' Saturday too. this always makes me nervous.
how long do I have to people? do I have to sound interested?
no, I don't have questions... please shut up.
how do I act?
the fuck man...
I love that I feel dread and nervousness in new experiences.
I love that my brain tries to act normal for me.
It must really care about me, considering it does an awful job itself.

I'm going to dismantle parts of my garden.
why does this make me nervous...
because the neighbors might approach me...and ask questions.
please go away, I don't want to people....ever.
I love my garden (noun). But I don't love gardening (verb)

What if I get a hit on a screenplay.
Will I be nervous.
fuck yes
and I'm going to love it all the same.

hmmm....
I'm gonna do those videos...all of them
the walking one.
am I nervous... yes. I'll post them to youtube.
but I will not share on here or fb.
you'll just need to get lucky
or get down with some cold hard research.
or find out what my youtube channel is...
I need to find out too, yo!
and the sock puppets....why the hell not...
what if my sock puppet gets famous!?
I bet she could sell a script faster if she's funny.
Does it make me nervous... sure.
I'll have to learn to video edit.
and have 2 youtube channels.
i can truly say I love all of this. this whole mess of a plan.
What a beautiful disaster.
I am so doing this. All the things!

sharing my tree book...that isn't quite done yet, but will be
nervous about it....yeah.
It's only for people who understand...whoeverthefuck they are.
do they exist?
I love that I find myself hiding when I share things from the otherworld.
don't tell them I told you.... :)

going back to reedit all my books.
nervous... because its a lot of work.
and I still am not very good at complying.
but maybe. I'm thinking on it.
I love it.